Category Archives: Uncategorized

Onomatopoeia

Onomatopoeia (on-o-mat-o-pee’-a): Using or inventing a word whose sound imitates that which it names (the union of phonetics and semantics).

YOU: Yes sir, that’s my baby. No sir, I don’t mean maybe. Hubba Hubba Hub cap. That’s my gal. Boo poopie doo.

ME: Dave! Your hubcap collecting has gotten out of control. Nobody wants to see you dancing naked on the front porch with a hubcap duct-taped to your crotch.

Put down the beer. Get inside! Put on some clothes! Call it a day!

YOU: Yes sir, that’s my wife. No sir, I do mean strife. Yes sir, she’s a major zip in my ass right now!

Hey wife! Hubcaps have one function: to cover lug nuts.

So, what’s my hubcap doing?

Ha! Ha!

ME: Dave, there’s a crowd gathering on our front lawn. I think I hear the woo wah woo wah of police cars headed up the street.

Get the hell inside!!!

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Oxymoron

Oxymoron (ox-y-mo’-ron): Placing two ordinarily opposing terms adjacent to one another. A compressed paradox.

Hilary is exuberantly pessimistic about Trump’s chances of being elected. Trump, on the other hand, is caustically optimistic that he’s going to win.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Paenismus

Paenismus (pai-nis’-mus): Expressing joy for blessings obtained or an evil avoided.

Hark! I bring tidings of comfort and joy!

My new underpants from Duluth Trading Post are all they’re ‘cracked’ up to be.

I walk in comfort. I sit in comfort. I stand in comfort. I live in comfort.

Oh the comfort and joy! No more binding or chafing.

These underpants are my salvation.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Palilogia

Palilogia (pa-li-lo’-gi-a): Repetition of the same word, with none between, for vehemence. Synonym for epizeuxis.

Money! Money!

Money! Money!

Isn’t there anything in the world you give a damn about except money?

Money in the morning.

Money in the afternoon.

Money in the evening.

Money at night–we sleep with money, dream with money, make love with money, wake up with money!

Money! Money! Money!

Put your mind and you mouth on something besides money, or I’m putting my ass on a taxi seat headed to the airport.

Got it? Shut up about money!

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Parabola

Parabola (par-ab’-o-la): The explicit drawing of a parallel between two essentially dissimilar things, especially with a moral or didactic purpose. A parable.

We are ready to eat!

We hear that we’re having chicken noodle soup made out of freshly slaughtered, coarsely-chopped, boiled chicken meat and boiled & diced chicken organs, with some chicken bones, broth, noodles & maybe a few carrots, salt, pepper, and parsley.

Yech.

(For the sake of the diners, it would seem that sometimes it may be better to just call the chicken noodle soup “chicken noodle soup.”)

Accordingly, sometimes no detail is enough detail.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Perclusio

Perclusio (per-clu’-si-o): A threat against someone, or something.

If you don’t get the delegates you need for the nomination, when you get to Cleveland you better get ready to hear the RNC floor chant: Better call Paul! Better call Paul!  Better call Paul!

But we know this Paul guy’s no dummy.  A little pressure applied in the right places will keep his answer on target.

I’m not saying we’re going to harvest anybody’s thumbs, I’m just saying Ryan better start saying, “Don’t call Paul!” “Paul doesn’t want to talk to you!” or his DC glory days are done forever.

If he wants a bright future: if he wants to keep pulling out plums, Pauly Porgy better call Georgy Porgy and find out how to be a good boy for the next five years.

So, panic not, we have a plan!

We’re here for you Teddy-Ready-Bear. Unfortunately, though, Trumpster’s ass is going to get a free pass off of you on this one. BUT: Have no fear, we’ve got one waiting for Mr. T-rump and it isn’t his favorite scotch or an Eastern European supermodel. It doesn’t go ‘boom’ either–it goes ‘bust’ as in collapse, fiasco, scandal, financial ruin.  Ha! Ha!

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Protherapeia

Protherapeia (pro-ther-a-pei’-a): Preparing one’s audience for what one is about to say through conciliating words. If what is to come will be shocking, the figure is called prodiorthosis.

The world is fraught with change: from the beautiful blooms of breaking spring to the malevolent triumph of death over life, fear over hope, sorrow over joy, and eventually, perhaps, the triumph of indifference over everything.

Yet, the world is rich; and there are costs to pay–to pay for things that can be measured and weighed and priced according to supply and demand and intangible narratives of value–the words that sing them with poetries of luxury or mark them with hard-pressed deep-worn tracks of necessity.

Farther still, there must be wages earned to capture pleasures and to navigate ad hoc the uncharted urgencies of omnipresent necessity.

So, I must tell you.  I must warn you. Hear this and listen:

All that is valued and valuable, that exists and ceases to exist for better and for worse, cannot assuage your soul’s sickness: for yours is a soul immortally wounded; eternally falling for the promise of healing hailing it softly from nowhere as if it was Volition itself and not the sound of a storm drain endlessly flooding with the unbroken rush of the Saints’ wasted tears.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Protrope

Protrope (pro-tro’-pe): A call to action, often by using threats or promises.

Brooks, rivers, streams of life. Some are dark. Some are light. Some are fast. Some are slow. Some make lakes in craters and carve out glens. Some deliver canyons and valleys and fens.

Without flowing water there may be no time, as thirst breaks our hearts, shrinks up our bellies, and tears up our  minds.

I swear if we don’t love and preserve the waters moving down, and over, and across the land, green will disappear under a death shroud of brown, and everything will die, and there won’t be a sound.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Proverb

Proverb: One of several terms describing short, pithy sayings. Others include adageapothegmgnomemaximparoemia, and sententia.

“In the valley of one-armed men, nobody applauds.” Fredrick Knitpurl (Thus Spake Lefty Clapper)

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Prozeugma

Prozeugma (pro-zoog’-ma): A series of clauses in which the verb employed in the first is elided (and thus implied) in the others.

I went to the celebration. The lost souls convention. The GPS-less disembodied spirit ball. Partners wafting through each other. No direction. No bitterness. No regrets. The place of can’t remember. The place of can’t forget.

Silent night. Silent applause. Magic dragons. Little wooden toys. Everything and nothing. Nothing without end. Endless friendless fog. Spirits without shame. No hope. No fear. No name.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Pysma

Pysma (pys’-ma): The asking of multiple questions successively (which would together require a complex reply). A rhetorical use of the question.

Yesterday, I lost the only key I have to my rental meat locker padlock. How will I get in? How long will it take to get a replacement? Can anybody tell if there’s anybody locked inside? How long does it take to freeze to death? Where is my wife?  Why are you looking at me like that? What are you doing with those bolt cutters? Will you please drop them? Do you think this meat cleaver is a toy? Who are you calling on your cellphone? Why are you trembling? Is that 911 I hear?

Uh oh!

Better look out out!

Oh dear!

Now, you’ve lost your head.

You naughty boy.

I have a confession to make.

I didn’t really lose my key, but it’s too late for you to care!

Honey? Honey? Can you hear me in there?

You always told me you wanted to get ahead, and that I was keeping you back.

Can you hear me? Or, you don’t want to hear me? Typical!

Anyway!

I have a surprise for you! You are going to get a head!

It has blue eyes, and I hope you’re not too dead to appreciate it!

Honey?

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Ratiocinatio

Ratiocinatio (ra’-ti-o-cin-a’-ti-o): Reasoning (typically with oneself) by asking questions. Sometimes equivalent to anthypophora. More specifically, ratiocinatio can mean making statements, then asking the reason (ratio) for such an affirmation, then answering oneself. In this latter sense ratiocinatio is closely related to aetiologia. [As a questioning strategy, it is also related to erotima {the general term for a rhetorical question}.]

“To be, or not to be?”

Ironically (sardonically, cynically, pitifully, wistfully, blissfully, bashfully, shit in my pants fully) I (and we) already know the answer: we are all going to not be. We are all going to die.

So, if we are all going to “not be” and we know it, and we really want to show it, should we all just clap our hands, take out a life insurance policy, rest easy, and wait not to be?

Is it better to suffer the slings and crutches and bedpans of our withering biceps and sagging boobies, or turn on the gas?

I don’t know.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu). Bracketed text added by Gorgias.

Repotia

Repotia (re-po’-ti-a): 1. The repetition of a phrase with slight differences in style, diction, tone, etc. 2. A discourse celebrating a wedding feast.

1. Please give me the remote. GIVE me the remote! Give ME the REMOTE! God-Dammit! GIVE ME THE F***ING REMOTE!

2. Being honest is being the best Best Man I can be.

Today you are joined in matrimony. Chained together for life like two convicts, unless you appeal your conviction and get a quickie divorce!  After all, it was the ‘quickie’ in the olive grove over there that got you into this mess in the first place!!

Ha ha!

So, here’s to you, our soon-to-be-miserable friends: To your love! To your marriage! To your stupidity! To our regret!

So, let’s all have a little watered-down wine, some humus, and roast sheep buttocks and laugh at our idiot friends.

Here’s to you Mary and Joseph!

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Restrictio

Restrictio (re-strik’-ti-o): Making an exception to a previously made statement. Restricting or limiting what has already been said.

I think his brother George made an interesting point about Jeb’s profile on LinkedIn, but jeez, George looks like a weatherbeaten little old shrimp boat when he stands alongside Jeb.  I would say, though, if he’s going to speak in praise of Jeb’s manliness and related leadership qualities, George should get a pair of bullhide elevator Ropers (sort of like like Marco’s man-me-up flamenco boots). Otherwise, who will believe him?

I hope nobody starts calling them “Mutt and Jeb”* on the campaign trail or in photos of them standing  together.

Mutt and Jeb

 

muttandjeff

*Allusion: Mutt and Jeff Cartoon Characters c. 1909

 

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Sarcasmus

Sarcasmus (sar’kaz’-mus): Use of mockery, verbal taunts, or bitter irony.

Yesterday was a stellar f***ing day! My subscription to The Economist expired, my pants fell down at the mall, I lost my wallet, I ran out of vodka, my cat froze to the back porch, I found out my neighbor gave me an STD, I slipped in the shower, I chipped a tooth, my hemorrhoids flared up, and I felt like I had a Serrano pepper stuck up my a**! To top it off, the  damn bald spot on the back of my head grew by another 1.16 inches!

Truly, a wonderful f***ing day–like having a stroke, being run over by a Fedex truck, going to Trenton, NJ being spread on a 12-foot long ebola sandwich headed full bore into a chipper-shredder.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Scesis Onomaton

Scesis Onomaton (ske’-sis-o-no’-ma-ton): 1. A sentence constructed only of nouns and adjectives (typically in a regular pattern).  2. A series of successive, synonymous expressions.

1. Primaries. Contraires. Attack ads. Back stabs. Führer Trump. Colonel Sanders. More debates. More disasters.

2. They parked their camo-covered butts in a bird sanctuary. They sat their patriot hineys down next-door to Sandhill Cranes. They chattered on their cellphones.  They drank coffee. They seemed sort of insane.

One got killed, some went home, some went to jail.

Why?

Something about cows or free-range chickens or gun control. To tell you the truth, I really don’t know.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Sententia

Sententia (sen-ten’-ti-a): One of several terms describing short, pithy sayings. Others include adage, apothegem, gnome, maxim, paroemia, and proverb.

My wonderful husband once told me, “I may be lying in the gutter, but I’m staring at the stars.”

Tonight, here in New Hampshire, I know what Bill meant. But tonight it is a little different! It is snowing like crazy and I can’t see the stars!

But seriously, if I were homeless, I’d just go to sleep and freeze to death in the gutter. But I am not homeless! I am not going to go to sleep! I am not going to freeze to death! Instead, I am going to South Carolina!

Before I board my campaign ambulence, I want to introduce my new Presidential Campaign Manager, Mr. Ben Gahzi!

In the coming months, Mr. Gahzi will . . .

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  • Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Simile

Simile (si’-mi-lee): An explicit comparison, often (but not necessarily) employing “like” or “as.”

Higher education in the 21st century at many colleges and universities does not successfully prepare its so-called liberally educated students to negotiate life’s vicissitudes; to negotiate uncertainties and strife with humane voices speaking in the light. Rather, from the “safe spaces” where they reside, they learn how to “take offense,” and how to willy nilly level charges that are always taken seriously, and always will be heard.

Like latter-day nazis, like blood-hungry wolves, they have forged their brutish howling voices into pointed blades of fear, turning “judicial hearings” into monologues where cowering judges have only to decide how, and how much, to punish whomever “some students” may anonymously deride.

Somewhere, this is the culture of academic residential life, where there are no consequences for telling lies. In this community of Kafka houses after every trial, when the gavel grants another win to their revengeful pride, “some students” have been known laugh out loud, smoke a joint, drink a couple of drinks, and piss on the wall of the stone prophylactic euphemistically called “residence hall.”

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Skotison

Skotison (sko’-ti-son): Purposeful obscurity.

As I speak, a plan is being planned–a plan so well-planned that its planners plan to be nominated for the “Best Plan Ever Award!”

I can’t give you specifics right now, but I plan on doing so as soon as the planners give me the green light–right now the light’s red, but surely it will turn green, and as soon as it turns green, the plan will be known!

All hail the planners!

For their plan will be wise, and we will be the beneficiaries of the planners’ well-planned plan!

Rejoice!

Surely, a bright future awaits us!

We shall be blessed with a plan!

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Symploce

Symploce (sim’-plo-see or sim’-plo-kee): The combination of anaphora and epistrophe: beginning a series of lines, clauses, or sentences with the same word or phrase while simultaneously repeating a different word or phrase at the end of each element in this series.

There is darkness in the bunker.

There is fear in the bunker.

There is vomit in the bunker.

There is a youthful terrorist in the bunker.

He has pissed his pants.

He has run out of ammunition.

He has been wounded in his shoulder, arm, and chest.

There is a sucking noise in the bunker.

There is a dupe in the bunker.

Trying to wail for his mother he tastes his blood, shits himself, suffocates, and goes to hell.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Synaloepha

Synaloepha (sin-a-lif’-a): Omitting one of two vowels which occur together at the end of one word and the beginning of another. A contraction of neighboring syllables. A kind of metaplasm.

I worry now more than ever.

Brazen sociopaths/seduce their victims: The Peter-Pannish boys that are ‘radicalized’ by the bearded worms that wriggle through the internet, that burrow into young hearts, that tunnel through common sense to gnaw away at conscience, sculpting the delusion they call ‘The Dream Come True.’

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Synathroesmus

Synathroesmus (sin-ath-res’-mus): 1. The conglomeration of many words and expressions either with similar meaning (= synonymia) or not (= congeries).  2. A gathering together of things scattered throughout a speech (= accumulatio [:Bringing together various points made throughout a speech and presenting them again in a forceful, climactic way. A blend of summary and climax.])

Swinging in his hammock under the silver moon, he reminded me of a ferret–a nervous, lazy, lounger dreaming of a roosterless chicken coop overflowing with plump, juicy, sweet little slumbering hens.

Or:

She flies jets, butchers deer, tends a garden, drinks Jim Beam, wears Honey Oud Eau de Parfum, plays acoustic 12-string guitar, loves fireworks, has a black green-eyed catand fends for herself, and I love her.

Or:

The first snow of winter came today. Dreadful, damned, careless snow.

When I was a kid I loved it, played in it, built castles out of it, made money shoveling it, sledded in it, packed it into balls and threw it, made angels in it, poured maple syrup on it and ate it, made snowmen out of it, and never got tired of it.

Now, I have to drive in it and possibly die in it on some lonely stretch of back road hell, spinning sideways over a cliff or flipping over into a ditch, or hitting a tree or a deer staring at me.

Snow

Then: Fun and games. Now: old-age and pains.

Joy turns to fear, beaten down year by year by the hammer of being here.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Asteismus

Asteismus (as-te-is’-mus): Polite or genteel mockery. More specifically, a figure of reply in which the answerer catches a certain word and throws it back to the first speaker with an unexpected twist. Less frequently, a witty use of allegory or comparison, such as when a literal and an allegorical meaning are both implied.

Marlin: This is the worst sandwich I’ve ever had!

Pat: You should’ve ordered the wurst like me. This is the best wurst I’ve ever had. Too bad your sandwich is the worst!

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Diaskeue

Diaskeue (di-as-keu’-ee): Graphic peristasis (description of circumstances) intended to arouse the emotions.

Stabbed, the schoolteacher’s heart spit up its warm sustenance . Dry clotted footprints run across the cold tiled floor.

This is Abu Dhabi,  and this is anywhere where defenseless humans are slaughtered in public by lunatic zealots; by blades, bullets, bombs and stones.

We mourn the death of Ms. Ryan. We also mourn hatred’s conquering of public space even as we mourn the death of its spirit of charity and grace.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu). A paperback edition of The Daily Trope is available on Amazon for $9.99. A Kindle edition is also available for $5.99.

Ellipsis

Ellipsis (el-lip’-sis): Omission of a word or short phrase easily understood in context.

Yesterday, I shaved my head. Tough! Rough!

Uh oh!

Problem. Five o’clock shadow around bald spot.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)