Restrictio (re-strik’-ti-o): Making an exception to a previously made statement. Restricting or limiting what has already been said.
I see you found the credit card bill. I probably dropped it on the floor. No big deal. I know you’re going to look at it. When you do, you shouldn’t bat an eyelash. You know how those big businesses go—they make half their money making bogus charges for things we never bought! Like, look at this: a spa “day” at Choocello’s Spa Hideaway for 2 for $700.00. I’m sure you didn’t go—you were right here whenever I called, and what’s more, I was out of town on business, meeting with clients way far away. So, this is some kind of fraud. Now, I don’t want you to worry about it. Just forget it and we’ll watch “Jeopardy” tonight like we usually do, and have one of your wonderful meals. Remember the saying: “Nothing says lovin’ like something from the oven!”
Oh wait—I just remembered, the Victoria’s Secret purchases for $200.00. How ridiculous! Do you have any new underwear? No! Neither do I. Ha ha! Another fraudulent charge. Don’t worry honey. I’ll take care of it. In the meantime I’m cancelling our credit cards and getting new ones from another bank. That will shut out the maniac who is using our card for spa visits and sexy women’s underwear. What an evil loon. I’m sure the police will catch him.
Oh whoops—the flowers. Where the hell did that come from? Did you get any flowers from “Bouquets of Love”? No, you didn’t. I wracked my brain, and couldn’t for the life of me remember buying them. It says they were delivered to my office. That’s crazy. It may be that our villain works right there in my office! Right under my nose. Committing crimes. Trying to make fool out of me.
Anyway, I would never never lie to you. Well, only unless there was a really good reason, like to save you from pain and suffering because I did some thing bad affecting you, and if I lied about it, or kept it from you, you’d be non the wiser. You’d go on happily in life, filled with love and radiating happiness. So, you shouldn’t even want to know the truth if it will hurt you and bring horror, shame, and uncontrollable crying instead of happily being a housewife, and watching “Jeopardy” and “Little House on the Prairie” reruns together, going to the lake, and the movies. Remember “The Fly?” That was a movie!
Ok, can you give me back the credit card bill now? I think we’ve cleared things up. Boy, am I glad.
His wife hit him over the head with a table lamp. While he was unconscious, she used the credit card to buy a new wardrobe from the “Boden Catalogue,” a Business Class plane ticket to Paris, France, and a few other things. In addition, she took a cash advance of $10,000.00 from the credit card. Before she left, she placed a sticky note on her husband’s forehead that said: “I can’t lie to you. I hate you. I want a divorce. You can reach me at the Hotel San Sulpice in Paris, France.”
Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).
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