Category Archives: allegory

Allegory

Allegory (al’-le-go-ry): A sustained metaphor continued through whole sentences or even through a whole discourse.


The chicken thigh will lay there drawing flies, and finally, squirming maggots emerge that you will try to name: Dasher, Prancer, Vixen, Sponge Bob, Queen Elizabeth and 30-40 more little word compasses pointing the way toward endearment. But the maggots become flies and swarm around your head as if they knew you tried to rewrite their identities as shit eating, garbage munching, pestilence purveying, window pooping, skin crawling pests. When it is pity that motivates the naming of maggots with endearing words, love is debased and all affection is tossed off a cliff—a bag of garbage leaking disillusionment when it hits the rocks below—when the bag splits and strews its error-laden contents.

We do not have to understand this in order to understand it. But still, you may misunderstand it due to its apparent incoherence and distance from your shriveled sensibilities. Imagine you are a maggot. Your whole purpose is to become a fly. To go from totally disgusting, to less totally disgusting as you transform through time, squirming around and chewing on a rotting chicken thigh leaning at the bottom of a half-full dumpster. The dumpster is your birthplace, your home town. It’s where you went to school, it’s where you learned how to drive, and count on your fingers. You fell in love with your next-door maggot. You got married, turned into flies and searched for the good life—moving, moving, moving: one week living on a piece of “solid” dog shit, one week on a “newly remodeled” road-kill squirrel, 2 days on a “fixer-upper” Garden Snake chopped into pieces by a lawnmower. Moving. Moving. Moving, until you finally settle into a “palatial” cow manure pile and begin thinking about starting a family. But, one evening your fly-wife is terminated by an electric swatter—she lies in flames and smokes on the barn floor, by a workbench, somewhere in New York: all for landing on the rim of an open can of Diet Coke. Now you know what I’m talking about! Now you can grip the rope of my discourse and pull yourself up to a higher place! And where is that “higher” place? It’s over there. Crane your neck. Look up at your back porch light and watch the moths.


Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

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Allegory

Allegory (al’-le-go-ry): A sustained metaphor continued through whole sentences or even through a whole discourse.


“Oh dear, what shall I do now?” cried Mad Donald. His first thought was to ride his carriage to Royal Burger and assuage his sorrow with two Triple Beef Barges, a Great Sugar Croak, and two boxes of Flemish Tarts. “I lost” he sobbed. “Royal Burger won’t do—I want to win, not just eat myself into a stupor.”

Mad Donald called his loyal cut-throats, with Bathless Steve Bunion taking charge of coming up with a strategy. Bunion remembered when he was child. He lied to his parents every day, and he got his way every day because his parents loved him and were gullible. He loved to lie about lying. He liked it more than riding his donkey, or eating candy.

He told Mad Donald about his childhood success getting his way as a liar. Mad Donald enthusiastically agreed: “Yes! Why didn’t I think of that? I lie all the time. So, what do we do now?” “We lie!” exclaimed Bunion. “About what do we lie?” asked Mad Donald. “The jousting match you lost! Have you forgotten? If you had won, you would have been showered with riches and been declared a celebrity throughout the land.” “Oh, that’s right.” said Don, and they started to make a plan, based in lies, to make Mad Don a winner. In brief, this is what they came up with:

—George Sorenose drugged Mad Donald’s horse

—Mirrors made it look like Mad Donald fell off his horse

—Mad Donald’s lance was shortened

—Mad Donald’s gauntlets we’re poisoned and his hands fell asleep

Once word got out, Mad Donald’s fans went crazy and made a slogan: “Cheater, cheater, vegetable eater, Moe Biten didn’t beat you!” The slogan did wonders as a unifying chant, and also, to deflect peoples’ thoughts from the truth. They massed together and attacked the jousting grounds, burning them to the ground, but saving the championship trophy to give to Mad Donald, the true winner (as far as they were concerned).

Mad Donald and Bunion were arrested the next day for conspiring to rig the games, and thereby inciting a riot. Their lies had been revealed throughout the land. But still, to the puzzlement of Moe Biten, 68% of Mad Donald’s fans still believed him. But nobody else did. They attacked the jail, dragged the two prisoners outside, and impaled them on jousting lances.

This was a bad day in the history of the United Incorporated States. It taught us to keep jousting lances under lock and key, let the government kill bad people, and to try not to lie too much or you will get caught.


Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Buy a print edition of The Daily Trope! The print edition is entitled The Book of Tropes and is available on Amazon for $9.99.

Allegory

Allegory (al’-le-go-ry): A sustained metaphor continued through whole sentences or even through a whole discourse.

“It was stolen! It was stolen!“ cried the Great Pretender. His papier-mâché hat was gone. The hat had “Bring Me Another Diet Coke” painted across the front with a photo of Walt Disney pasted on the front too, for the Great Pretender had modeled ‘his’ nation after Disneyland, naming its cabinet officials, colleagues, and enemies after Disney characters. For example, there was his loyal Attorney General Mr. Smee, his Secretary of defense Goofy, and his favorite colleague Snow White.

The Great Pretender treated everyone like cartoon characters, as if they weren’t real, as if they were stuffed toys scattered on the floor that he could kick around whenever he felt like it.

“I smell smoke! I smell smoke!” The Great Pretender cried, panic stricken. Out the window, his papier-mâché hat was in flames. As the fire rose higher, smoke began to come out his ears, his eyes glazed over and he fell to the floor, dead.

When the news spread of his demise, there was hooting and cheering throughout the land. People sang “Ding dong the dick is dead, the wicked dick is dead!” At that point “Good Old Joe” was anointed Leader of Land. The Great Pretender was buried in a landfill in The Tropical Place, and all was well. The children were released from their cages, taxes were raised on the obscenely rich, and Mitch the Impaler died of Thwarter’s Disease.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Buy a print edition of The Daily Trope! The print edition is entitled The Book of Tropes and is available on Amazon for $9.99.

Allegory

Allegory (al’-le-go-ry): A sustained metaphor continued through whole sentences or even through a whole discourse.

There once was a large man with a clownish blond hairdo. His hair was pasted to the sides of his head and the middle part swirled like a Dairy Queen; more like a yellow scoop of mashed potatoes resting on his head than actual hair.

This man was Emperor and nobody imitated his hair. Well, when they did imitate it, the hair was more like a parody: exaggerated like a Matterhorn with wings resting on his head, ready to fly away from Switzerland to France.

In fact, none of the Emperor’s cherished quirks were imitated anywhere throughout the kingdom. When he was crowned, Diet Coke’s stock plunged, seemingly because it was his favorite beverage and people refused to drink it any more. When it was disclosed that he loved red meat, three-quarters of the Kingdom became vegetarian. When it was discovered that he has a fondness for prostitutes, pimps were left to fend for themselves as the Kingdom’s men gave up whoring.

The Emperor was befuddled, thinking that he was worthy of imitation on all fronts because he was the Emperor. But he was wrong. ‘The shoe didn’t fit so the people didn’t wear it‘: no matter how much power you have, barring death threats, arrest, torture, imprisonment, and execution the ‘people’ will make the right choices.

No Dairy Queen hair. No Diet Coke. No red meat. No prostitutes. No problem.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Buy a print edition of The Daily Trope! The print edition is entitled The Book of Tropes and is available on Amazon for $9.99.

Allegory

Allegory (al’-le-go-ry): A sustained metaphor continued through whole sentences or even through a whole discourse.

The Most Important Man in the World

There was an elderly Emperor who lived in a big white house in the capital of the States United of America! He was the Most Important Man in the World (M.I.M.I.T.W). He was in charge of everything in the world (at least he thought he was). All he needed to do was sit at his desk in the big white house and sign orders abolishing everything the former tenant had decreed–from environmental policies to foreign policies.

M.I.M.I.T.W’s signature constituted God-like mandates: commandments from on high. Many of them began with the sacred words “Thou shalt not . . .” For example, “Thou shalt not spend tax dollars on climate change research . . .”

That’s power!

On the weekends M.I.M.I.T.W would put down his pen, get out of his chair, and fly to his beach chateau Margo del Beacho. Most recently,  when he was there, he ate a “beautiful” chocolate cake and told the Navy to fire missiles and the Air Force to drop HUGE bombs. He loved eating “beautiful” chocolate cake, dining with other big shots, and blowing things up! He said it kept him young.

M.I.M.I.T.W also loved to threaten entire countries, if they seemed to be misbehaving. In addition, he was also quite happy that each weekend trip to his beach chateau only cost $3,000,000.  In his view, that was a small price to pay to eat “beautiful” chocolate cake, play golf, hang out with other big shots, and blow stuff up via phone calls.

Most important though, he loved to go tweet-tweet late at night–making brief birdie songs on the Internet with crazy lyrics! The craziest one I heard was “I was wire tapped.” It had a sort of blues kick to it that was more than it deserved.

Sadly, it all came to an end when M.I.M.I.T.W choked on a piece of “beautiful” chocolate cake during a weekend visit to Margo del Beacho.  Mr. Heimlich was off for the weekend and couldn’t help out.

We are so sorry.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Buy a print edition of The Daily Trope! The print edition is entitled The Book of Tropes and is available on Amazon for $9.99.

Allegory

Allegory (al’-le-go-ry): A sustained metaphor continued through whole sentences or even through a whole discourse.

Grecian Debt Krisis

There was this Greek who lived in a cave. His name was Agamomhen. Agamomhen’s cave was located on the edge of the Mountain of  Debt near the Valley of Austerity. Agamomhen had no pants, no wallet, no shirt, no car, no bicycle, no donkey, no MasterCard, no hat. However, he did possess the Magic Honey Jar.  When Agamomhen put his hand in the jar his fingers became sticky. But sticky fingers did not help.  For there was nothing he could stick to them anywhere near the Mountain of Debt.

Ah ha! Agamomhen thought, “I can woo Queen Merkle-Pickle of Germymany. She has much coal and good lager. With luck, my fingers may stick to her!”

So, Agamomhen covered himself with an empty can of Sun*Med giant beans and walked out into the sunlight.

He tripped over a bag of worthless drachma and tumbled down the steep slope of The Mountain of Debt. He lay badly injured in the hot dust, paperwork, and sheep dung littering the Valley of Austerity. Agamomhen gazed upon the empty bean can concealing his manhood.  It was dented. The label had been torn off by his fall. He peed in it while he waited for the government ambulance.

Bladder drained, Agamomhen felt good. Suddenly he heard the sirens! The OOOH-YOU ZONE Rescue Vehicle was coming!

As he was transported from the Valley of Austerity, Agamomhen struggled to look forward from his Binding Gurney. He couldn’t see where he was going.

Instead, the foul smells of schnapps, urine, bratwurst, and mustard coming from the front seat made Agamomhen wretch. From his Binding Gurney, all he could do was watch the swirling cloud of dust, paperwork, and sheep dung trailing behind the wailing OOH-YOU Rescue Vehicle.

Agamomhen could not help but think, “I should’ve stayed in my cave on the Mountain of Debt.”

Just then, the Rescue Vehicle hit a huge pothole. Agamomhen was thrown out the back into the cloud of dust, paperwork, and dung, still strapped to his Binding Gurney. To his great dismay Agamomhen landed in a fresh pile of sheep dung with the Binding Gurney now strapped firmly to his back. He was injured, immobile, and stranded on the floor of  The Valley of Austerity. Through the dust and litter Agamomhen could barely see the hand waving from the departing Rescue Vehicle’s driver’s side window. It’s middle finger was extended.

Emptied of its unwanted passenger, the OOH-YOU Rescue Vehicle raced madly toward Bruzzels leaving six or seven empty schnapps bottles and two to three jars of mustard in its wake.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

 

Allegory

Allegory (al’-le-go-ry): A sustained metaphor continued through whole sentences or even through a whole discourse.

Prince Mite Yenmor looked out from his mountain lair across the Lake of Salt and saw the Untied States, and feeling in his slender royal gut a yen for more, with gleaming eyes and snow capped teeth he spoke: “Yea, I shall be ruler of this realm. I shall spend more than a fortune in gold and I shall buy a troop of low-browed voting sluggards, and inflaming their hearts, I shall make them thirst for justice, and so,  as they so-thirst, I shall call them by the proud name of their beverage of choice–The Mighty 7 Ups, The Bud Lite Brigade, or, oh yes, that’s it!  The Lipton Lancers! That shall suit them to a tea! Ha ha, my royal sense of humor waxes!”

And so, Prince Yenmor bought and named the Lipton Lancers and set out to quench the Lancers’ thirst for justice and topple King Amabo with a mighty loud and raucous chorus of finely penned insults, oft repeated BIG LIES, and the jewel in the crown of Prince Yenmor’s certain victory: the unyielding allegiance of Sir Fox the Crier who broadcast Yenmor’s nice hair, good posture, glorious smile, and royal words throughout the Untied States.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Allegory

Allegory (al’-le-go-ry): A sustained metaphor continued through whole sentences or even through a whole discourse.

Once upon a time there was a grand kingdom of learning perched high on a hill with a quiet glen cut through its midst. The kingdom’s well-kept environs consisted of the Way of Mortin, lush quadrangles surrounded by oak trees and blanketed with grass, wide playing fields, a Center to visit to stay physically fit, a Commons whereat to take meals, a Small Pub for the quaffing of fine beverages and the quenching of thirsts, many many-windowed living quarters, a Royal Palace, well-lit comfortable sriptoria, a well-stocked library, and grand ramparts of native rock, turrets of crystalline glass, mortar vaults, and shining tall metallic structures where the kingdom’s learned mentors gathered in their ranks–the Assistants, the Associates, and the Full Total Wizards–where they met their youthful charges in chambers of education fitted with grand portals open to capture the fleet herds of Wisdom galloping over the broad-banded byways of the Queen’s Superhighway–an invisible toll road rumored to have been credited by Albert the Gorer to himself; binding all the kingdom’s inhabitants together in its mystical, and somewhat fickle, embrace.

The kingdom daily celebrated MacIntosh the Conqueror who made the Queen’s Superhighway quick to travel and who provided intrepid mice to guide all Wisdom Hunters–intrepid mice perched as brave navigators on the palms of Wisdom Hunters’ hands as they sought advice by way of Word-Keys from the Great Oracle Google (GOG) so as to unerringly target, capture, and claim specific Truths from Wisdom’s infinite herds.

And this grand kingdom of learning was known as Hamilot. And all was well at Hamilot until that fateful day . . .

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)