Category Archives: cacozelia

Cacozelia

Cacozelia (ka-ko-zeel’-i-a): 1. A stylistic affectation of diction, such as throwing in foreign words to appear learned. 2. Bad taste in words or selection of metaphor, either to make the facts appear worse or to disgust the auditors.


He is garbage—stinking slimy garbage, giving “stench” a good name. Rotten to the core, oozing the slime of depredation and the pus of outrageous lies, he cowers in the shadows like a cockroach waiting for a chance to skitter away undetected. He is dog shit stuck on your shoe. He is a loud fart during a religious service.

He preys on bereaved widows, showing up graveside mourning men he never knew, reading their obituaries for information he can use to ingratiate himself to the widow as a long-lost friend. He’s looking for the life insurance pay-out of his “life long” friend that he “grew up with” and “lost touch with” after the Vietnam War. He befriends the widow. He earns her trust. They move in together. They open a joint bank account. He withdraws all the money, buys a plane ticket, and flys away.

With all the photos floating around, we should be able to identify and apprehend this piece of shit. But, we can’t. It’s maddening, but we’re working on a plan. We are going to bait him with a “widow” who is actually an FBI Special Agent. We will do this until he shows up graveside. It could take years. His code name is “Insurance Agent” and hers is “Dead Husband.” Wish us luck.


Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

An edited version of The Daily Trope is available on Amazon in paper and Kindle formats under the title Book of Tropes.

Cacozelia

Cacozelia (ka-ko-zeel’-i-a): 1. A stylistic affectation of diction, such as throwing in foreign words to appear learned. 2. Bad taste in words or selection of metaphor, either to make the facts appear worse or to disgust the auditors.


Shit, shit, shit. Shit is everywhere. It is slippery. It is stinky. It is unsanitary. It is sloppy. It is lumpy. It is “just right.” But none of this is bad. Shit is a Dairy Queen without the cone. Kaka is it’s name. Merde is it’s name. Stront is it’s name. Scheisse is it’s name. Everywhere, in every language, shit has a name.

Along with pee, shit is something that all human beings know, understand, and have in common. We must remind ourselves of what we have in common every day. It will provide a bridge where we can meet in the middle with shit on our shoes and a song in our hearts. Accordingly, privacy will no longer be an option in public restrooms. Toilet stalls will be removed so we can “meet on the seat.”

Get ready for a kinder, happier world. Shit will save us.


Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

An edited version of The Daily Trope is available on Amazon in paper and Kindle formats under the title Book of Tropes.

Cacozelia

Cacozelia (ka-ko-zeel’-i-a): 1. A stylistic affectation of diction, such as throwing in foreign words to appear learned. 2. Bad taste in words or selection of metaphor, either to make the facts appear worse or to disgust the auditors.

I felt the parameters of my television crumble when my streaming box went slo-mo into a pantheon of stretched words and images. It was like floating on a sea of hardening cement with a stingray protruding from my crusted trousers. My soul filibustered my body’s ganglia. My eyes started watering and I snapped back only to find my goldfish Karma 27 crushed on the floor, eyeballs protruding like black and grey glass balls

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

The Daily Trope is available on Amazon in paper and Kindle formats under the title Book of Tropes.

Cacozelia

Cacozelia (ka-ko-zeel’-i-a): 1. A stylistic affectation of diction, such as throwing in foreign words to appear learned.  2. Bad taste in words or selection of metaphor, either to make the facts appear worse or to disgust the auditors.

I want to utilize the denouement of our affair to plumb the rationale of my wretched calumny and reconnoiter the restorative expurgation of my love-riven bowel.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Cacozelia

Cacozelia (ka-ko-zeel’-i-a): 1. A stylistic affectation of diction, such as throwing in foreign words to appear learned.  2. Bad taste in words or selection of metaphor, either to make the facts appear worse or to disgust the auditors.

Uncle Bill!

He is a leech at your dinner table: You, brother Dave, suck up your food as if you were latched onto a foot or an arm, or somebody’s unfortunate neck, or armpit, or crotch. Not only that, but in another meaning of leech, you wheedle money from our poor unfortunate uncle Bill who is blinded by love for our father and the deathbed promise he made eight years ago to take care of you, the youngest.

It’s time to get your act together you disgusting fool: At least get some table manners–wipe away your dripping drool and get rid of that jacket camouflaged with specs of soup, spatters of gravy, small bits of assorted meats and jellies, and what looks like blood, but is probably beet juice. And using the coat’s sleeves as napkins has made them stiff and soiled with what, only God can tell. Also, wiping your nose on your sleeves has given them a mucus sheen–not very attractive, Dave. The jacket is a roadmap where all roads lead to Slob.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Cacozelia

Cacozelia (ka-ko-zeel’-i-a): 1. A stylistic affectation of diction, such as throwing in foreign words to appear learned.  2. Bad taste in words or selection of metaphor, either to make the facts appear worse or to disgust the auditors.

Ecru! Ecru! How I adore you! Très jolieТы такая красивая! A light stain–like amarillo, like rubio, like ámbar cautioning the brown to beware: to slow the faint stripe growing on my otherwise bright, purely white, Calvin Klein underwear.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

 

Cacozelia

Cacozelia (ka-ko-zeel’-i-a): 1. A stylistic affectation of diction, such as throwing in foreign words to appear learned.  2. Bad taste in words or selection of metaphor, either to make the facts appear worse or to disgust the auditors.

The mise en scène of the parking lot is not exactly what I would call méthodique! We must utilize every erg at our disposal to hasten its rejuvenation with fresh white stripes.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Cacozelia

Cacozelia (ka-ko-zeel’-i-a): 1. A stylistic affectation of diction, such as throwing in foreign words to appear learned.  2. Bad taste in words or selection of metaphor, either to make the facts appear worse or to disgust the auditors.

The zeitgeist of our tempus is a roux of decaying bourgeois roadkills!

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).