Bdelygmia (del-ig’-mi-a): Expressing hatred and abhorrence of a person, word, or deed.
I hate ballet—people running around on their tiptoes, jumping up in the air and no dialogue—how stupid. All you can hear is music and dancers’ feet hitting the stage floor with their wimpy little slippers. Ballet was invented in Italy, like some of the world’s worst food— like eating a plateful of worms or almost-dried glued squares packed with greasy meat. And the wine tastes like gasoline fresh from the refinery. And then there’s opera. How the hell did it every get a toehold among the performing arts—it’s comic book stories put to music and sung in Italian, in shrieking voices that can drill holes in your ears. Even worse though, is Italian rap music. It has more repetition than a sewing machine, I could learn one word in Italian by listening to it—standing outside the Coliseum wearing earbuds.
What’s worse? Leonardo da Vinci. What a sham! He’s most famous for his painting “Mona Lisa.” It’s a painting of a jaundiced teenager with gas. The look on her face says “I just farted Leonardo.” There’s no denying it. Due to Mona’s embarrassment, her eyes are averted. Da Vince pawned her fart-look off as a smile, and it took off—taking the Italian art fans by storm. For months, women mimicked the smile, grocery shopping, going to the park, it didn’t matter. At one point a medical doctor called out da Vince on the fart smile. Da Vinci sued him and had Mona testify that she had never farted in her entire life. Although the jury did not believe her, they acquitted da Vinci “for the sake of art.” Mona married her fist cousin Vito of Napoli. They lived happily ever after, aside from Mona’s excessive flatulence.
And that brings me to flatulence—a euphemism—a word that conceals as much as it reveals. The Stoics believed it was a kind of obscenity to use euphemisms. Euphemisms do a sort of violence to the truth by masking key aspects of the phenomena they name. What about “flatulence” vs. “one cheek squeak”? How about “butt blurt” or “stink bomb”? Which of these words catches “fart” most effectively? Not flatulence, unless you speak Latin or ignore a fart’s key-note (Ha ha).
Last, I want to register my deep dislike for Tucker Carlson. I don’t want to kill him, but I wouldn’t mind seeing him pushed down by Hunter Biden, Joe’s evil son who took a picture of himself smoking in a tub. That makes him tougher than the average president’s child. Compare him to one of the Trump boys—it’s apples and oranges.
Carlson is damaging the USA by pretending to be a news broadcaster on FOX TV. I believe he is evil, but I wouldn’t pay anybody to run up on the FOX News set and push hm out of his chair on live TV; not even Hunter Biden. Maybe Rupert Murdoch should give it a try, or maybe he should just fire Tucker.
Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).
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