Category Archives: diasyrmus

Diasyrmus

Diasyrmus (di’-a-syrm-os): Rejecting an argument through ridiculous comparison.


I was minding my own business, sitting on a park bench with my index finger in my left nostril, trying to dislodge a particularly stubborn booger. I had never experienced something like this before. Two days of the squeaking sound my nose made when I inhaled. I tried everything—blowing my nose, spraying my nostril in the shower, a dinner fork, a screw driver, a knitting needle, Japanese chopsticks, a coat hanger, a toothpick: everything I could find to stick up my nose. On day four, I made an appointment at the ENT Clinic. I was going to see Dr. Nosifer, winner of the 2000 “Nosy,” an award given to the Rhinologist “most devoted to ending mouth breathing.” He was top of the line.

I had come to the drastic conclusion that I should have my nose amputated, so I would be free of the booger. I figured I could wear a Groucho Marx glasses disguise to cover up, and conceal, my missing nose. I had tried a pair on at Spencer’s Gifts in the mall. I felt like they made me look like a man of mystery. “Bond, James Bond” I said as I adjusted them.

The nurse called me in to Dr. Nosifer’s office. As we greeted each other and shook hands, I was freaking out. He was wearing Groucho Marx disguise glasses. He made no attempt to explain them. He said: “I see you want your nose amputated to remove the recalcitrant booger lodged in your left nostril. I can tell you, this is like cutting off your nose to spite your face. Ha ha! You idiot! It is like jumping off a building as a shortcut to the first floor. Ha ha! It is like spilling toxic waste so you can clean it up. Ha ha! It is like walking across broken glass barefoot to save your shoes. It is wrong! Wrong, wrong, wrong!”

Me: “so, what should I do then?“

Dr. Nosifer: “Ha ha! Now we’re getting someplace!”

He reached in his shirt and pulled out a very small silver spoon on a delicate silver chain. It’s handle was elaborately decorated with an entwined art nouveau vine motif. He reached in his pants a pulled out a similarly decorated vial. He popped open the vial’s lid. The vial was filled with white powder. Dr. Nosifer scooped out a level spoonful of the white powder. He told me to tilt my head back and, without warning, thrust the spoon with its white powder up my left nostril where the criminal booger resided, and at the same time, punched me in the stomach.

The booger made a popping sound as it flew out of my nose. Dr. Nosifer yelled: “Now put your finger on your right nostril and make an inhaling snorting sound with your newly cleared left nostril!” I did as he told me. Suddenly, I felt euphoric, energetic, talkative, mentally alert, and hypersensitive to sight, sound, and touch. It was amazing. I took off my clothes. I ran around the office naked. Dr. Nosifer yelled at the nurse to take me downstairs. I fell down the stairs. When I got up, I saw that I was in a well-furnished room and I wasn’t alone. The nurse told me, “This is the recovery room for the Doctor’s patients.”

I spent about 2 hours “recovering.” Then, I went home with a clear nose and a clouded conscience.


Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu). 

There is a print edition of the Daily Trope available on Amazon for $9.99. There is also a Kindle edition available for $5.99.

Diasyrmus

Diasyrmus (di’-a-syrm-os): Rejecting an argument through ridiculous comparison.

Your argument is like asking people to jump off a cliff to see if they can fly. It would require an audience of idiots to comply. But, your lack of respect for your constituents is always evident in the way you run your office. Your arguments for building the dam are more like building a scam. You and your family will directly benefit from building a huge concrete structure fed by a trickle of water that may evaporate before it collects even into a puddle. The only thing that will be dammed is the dam—the damn dam. This is how you run your office: self-interest, cronyism, nepotism, bribery, and more. It’s all about making an extra buck. Your arguments are like picking your nose and wiping it on people and telling them it is a gift they should grateful for. As you can tell, I want you out of office. Please resign tomorrow. In any event, you will be arrested.


Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu). 

There is a print edition of the Daily Trope available on Amazon for $9.99. There is also a Kindle edition available for $5.99.

Diasyrmus

Diasyrmus (di’-a-syrm-os): Rejecting an argument through ridiculous comparison.


The point you’re trying make is like trying to use a pushpin to hold up your pants. It might work, but it will be painful and it won’t be effective in the long run.

You should know by now, as the world’s premier gum ball manufacturer, we’ve got to use a belt to hold up our pants. Painless. Effective. Attractive. In 100 years of rolling out the gum balls by the millions, we’ve learned one thing: If it ain’t stuck to the floor, don’t scrape it up.

There’s no room for innovation here at Sweet Balls. We use pushpins to post notes on the bulletin board on the shop floor. We tried sticky notes, but they fell off. So don’t tell me about new gum ball presses that will reduce our workforce and make us more money. The new computer driven presses have not been vetted, and I don’t trust the guy who started the company: DeJoy. When he was Postmaster, everything he touched that plugged into the wall broke. But worse: laying off our loyal employees will cause them hardships they don’t deserve. It will inflict pain and arouse anger. That’s not what Sweet Balls is about.

That’s it, son. If you continue to pester me, I will have you shot.


Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu). 

There is a print edition of the Daily Trope available on Amazon for $9.99. There is also a Kindle edition available for $5.99.

Diasyrmus

Diasyrmus (di’-a-syrm-os): Rejecting an argument through ridiculous comparison.

Your threats are as empty your soul, your imagination, and outer space. Yelling “Conspiracy” every time somebody disagrees with you or catches you doing something marginally legal or massively unethical is like an 8-year-old boy who peed his pants claiming his pants are out to get him and are trying to make him look bad.

It’s not your pants fatso! It’s you!

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

There is a print edition of the Daily Trope available on Amazon for $9.99. There is also a Kindle edition available for $5.99.

Diasyrmus

Diasyrmus (di’-a-syrm-os): Rejecting an argument through ridiculous comparison.

You say that eating sand is a great way to lose weight. If that’s what you think, you should try drinking wet cement. Eating sand. Drinking wet cement. Equally good strategies if you want to gain weight and die.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

There is a print edition of the Daily Trope available on Amazon for $9.99. There is also a Kindle edition available for $5.99.

Diasyrmus

Diasyrmus (di’-a-syrm-os): Rejecting an argument through ridiculous comparison.

Claiming that you drove off the road shoulder because you liked the view is like claiming you visit dumps because you like their smell.

Well–possibly it’s true given how much you had to drink–you almost broke the breathalyzer when you fell down during your sobriety test!

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Diasyrmus

Diasyrmus (di’-a-syrm-os): Rejecting an argument through ridiculous comparison.

Claiming that you shot your mother because her smile irritated you is like claiming you sawed your foot off because you had a blister.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Diasyrmus

Diasyrmus (di’-a-syrm-os): Rejecting an argument through ridiculous comparison.

Denying global warming is like sticking a knitting needle in your eye and claiming it’s not there.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Diasyrmus

Diasyrmus (di’-a-syrm-os): Rejecting an argument through ridiculous comparison.

Letting your kids roam the streets at night so they can “learn about life” is like putting herbicides on your garden to make it grow!

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).