Cataplexis (kat-a-pleex’-is): Threatening or prophesying payback for ill doing.
May your nose fall off and land on the floor. You, Carl Peek, have wronged me, Ned Aiken, super-beloved middle school teacher.
You have slighted me. You have dragged me through the mud, by the feet, on a freezing day. You scoundrel! You skunk! You rotten banana! You unlaundered garments! You basket of moldy bread! You dead battery in a power outage! Your guts stink. Your soul is ashen. I will redeem myself, inflicting you with horrendous painful, torturous, retribution!
I will tie you to an uncomfortable wooden chair. I will fill your mouth with ping-pong balls and force you to watch pre-recorded episodes of “The View” until you recant every evil thing you ever said or wrote about me.
I wouldn’t be so mad if nobody had believed your slanders. I have never, never, never read “Grapes of Wrath.” In an act on consummate cruelty and deception you stuffed a copy in my book bag when I was distracted, looking at Ms. Carver’s rear side in the lunch line, which in itself is harmless, and permitted if not accompanied by catcalls. I did not utter a single catcall, at least, so nobody could hear me.
Then, you told the whole school I said “woke” contrary to the recently imposed censored speech regulations. I really don’t care about the First Amendment and its so-called “freedom of speech.” I don’t mind having a dictator for governor, what I do mind is getting me in trouble with his henchmen. See my nose? Does it look happy to you? All I did was say, “I woke up a little late this morning.” You recorded me, cut the “woke” and pasted it in sound clip where it played over and over and sounded like a chant. You Rat! I got my ass kicked on my way home from Plantation Way Middle School by a gang of sweaty beer-drinking old men.
Well guess what, Mr. Horseshit? I got your sister pregnant. She doesn’t want the baby. Given your finances, she’s gonna’ have to walk a thousand miles to NY to terminate her pregnancy. Ha ha!
POSTSCRIPT
This story is filled with idiots, letting their freedom slip away disguised as educational reform and trampling on women’s reproductive rights. After the blood test, it was determined that Ned was the baby’s father and he is responsible for providing child support. He asked Carl’s sister, Nareen, to marry him and she hit him in the face with a hardcover edition of “Grapes of Wrath.” Noreen held a fundraiser in the Barn Door Mall parking lot and raised enough to fly to New York. She had to lie about why she was going to New York.
Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)
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