Category Archives: pareuresis

Pareuresis

Pareuresis (par-yur-ee’-sis): To put forward a convincing excuse. [Shifting the blame.]


There was a bowling ball in the middle of the road. But that isn’t bad enough—it was on fire and there was screaming child pinned underneath it, clutching a hamster in one hand a water bottle in the other. Fire, trapped child, I yelled “Dump your water on the bowling ball.” Then, I ran toward the child to kick the bowling ball away.

As I ran toward him, I slipped on something and fell on my face. I was knocked unconscious. When I woke up I was in a hospital bed, hooked up to tubes and monitors. I was told the little boy had a 1-in-ten chance of surviving. If only I hadn’t slipped. I asked the Doctor if she knew what I had slipped on. She told me it was my leather-soled shoes.

Damn, what rotten luck. I work in a bowling alley and am required to wear leather-soled shoes. I never had any trouble with them before. I always wore them in the bowling alley and never out on the street, but that afternoon I was in a hurry to get home for my daughter’s 9th birthday party. I had bought her a book “Bowling Rolls.” It was a best-seller among bowling enthusiasts.

I need to make it clear: I had never seen that boy or that bowling ball any time in my life. I tried to help him, but I failed. It was a horrible accident. It was my leather-soled shoes. If I had been wearing my running shoes, that poor little boy would be just fine.


Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu). Bracketed text added by Gorgias.

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Pareuresis

Pareuresis (par-yur-ee’-sis): To put forward a convincing excuse. [Shifting the blame.]

It was a moonless night–very dark. He was wearing black (I found out later). I was going the speed limit–55. I guess he ran in front of my car: I didn’t realize he was even there until I hit him and he made a loud thump.

When I pulled over to the road shoulder after hitting him, I noticed he was my x-husband. Given our relationship, it’s pretty clear to me that he wanted to bring me additional grief by making me kill him. He is a giant jerk. I am saddened by his death, but by no means grief stricken. You would’ve run him over too, but in a way he ran himself over.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu). Bracketed text added by Gorgias.

Buy a print edition of The Daily Trope! The print edition is entitled The Book of Tropes and is available on Amazon for $9.99. A Kindle edition is available for $5.99.

Pareuresis

Pareuresis (par-yur-ee’-sis): To put forward a convincing excuse. [Shifting the blame.]

I bought these pants at Salvation Army. Case closed.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu). Bracketed text added by Gorgias.

Buy a print edition of The Daily Trope! The print edition is entitled The Book of Tropes and is available on Amazon for $9.99.

Pareuresis (par-yur-ee’-sis): To put forward a convincing excuse. [Shifting the blame.]

I tried my hardest to keep from telling the truth–I did everything I could to misrepresent Bernie’s basic platform as a paean to neo-facist-socialist-racism, only to be thwarted by David Duke’s conversion to the Church of the Later-Day Saints and fervent support of what he calls Bernie’s “nice-guy agenda.”

I tried my best to paint Donald Trump as connected to the Church of Satan as one of the Evil One’s minions, but Anton LaVay spilled the hot coals and claimed that Donald Trump makes him want to sing songs from “Annie.”  After singing “Tomorrow” continuously for 12 hours and raising $1,000,000.00 for Mr. Trump, Mr. LaVay left for Rome and a private audience with Pope Francis and Vince, the spokesperson for Shamwow.

Given the opposition’s fluidity, credibility, and willingness to go 360, there’s no way I can besmirch Bernie or Donald–even with the truth!

Accordingly, I think the time has come!

We better call Bill: the world’s greatest truth-twister, accusation generator, and umbrage taker. He can spin innuendo faster than Duke or LaVay can detect it and deal with it, and he can dance around the truth with more gusto, flash, sensuality, and clarity than Maria Pagés does with her soul-trancing tangos.

Call the massage parlor & tell him to get his slap-happy campaign butt over here!

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu). Bracketed text added by Gorgias.

Pareuresis

Pareuresis (par-yur-ee’-sis): To put forward a convincing excuse. [Shifting the blame.]

I just started as CEO of General Mortars. There is no way I had access to any information regarding defective ignition pins prior to September 1, 2014. You should be querying my predecessor who now works for General Mortals–the company that makes four-wheeled coffins.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu). Bracketed text added by Gorgias.

Pareuresis

Pareuresis (par-yur-ee’-sis): To put forward a convincing excuse.

Hank, when I was diagnosed with cancer I panicked. Fearful of my family’s future, I started cooking meth to pay my medical bills and to save my family from financial ruin. I thought for sure that I was going to die. Who could have known? Now I’m nearly a billionaire, Skyler and I have a very successful carwash, and I’m totally cured of cancer.

Now, I have an offer to make.

How would you like 10-million dollars and a 50 percent stake in the car wash? Our families can have what they really deserve and we can quietly bring this nasty little episode in our lives to an end.

If you refuse, I’m going to have to give you a 100 percent stake in a bullet to the head.

What’ll it be Hank?

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Pareuresis

Pareuresis (par-yur-ee’-sis): To put forward a convincing excuse.

The power went out last night while I was asleep & my alarm clock shut down–that’s why I’m a little late.  Sorry. I’m going to put fresh back-up batteries in it when I get home tonight.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).