Category Archives: pareuresis

Pareuresis

Pareuresis (par-yur-ee’-sis): To put forward a convincing excuse. [Shifting the blame.]

I bought these pants at Salvation Army. Case closed.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu). Bracketed text added by Gorgias.

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Pareuresis (par-yur-ee’-sis): To put forward a convincing excuse. [Shifting the blame.]

I tried my hardest to keep from telling the truth–I did everything I could to misrepresent Bernie’s basic platform as a paean to neo-facist-socialist-racism, only to be thwarted by David Duke’s conversion to the Church of the Later-Day Saints and fervent support of what he calls Bernie’s “nice-guy agenda.”

I tried my best to paint Donald Trump as connected to the Church of Satan as one of the Evil One’s minions, but Anton LaVay spilled the hot coals and claimed that Donald Trump makes him want to sing songs from “Annie.”  After singing “Tomorrow” continuously for 12 hours and raising $1,000,000.00 for Mr. Trump, Mr. LaVay left for Rome and a private audience with Pope Francis and Vince, the spokesperson for Shamwow.

Given the opposition’s fluidity, credibility, and willingness to go 360, there’s no way I can besmirch Bernie or Donald–even with the truth!

Accordingly, I think the time has come!

We better call Bill: the world’s greatest truth-twister, accusation generator, and umbrage taker. He can spin innuendo faster than Duke or LaVay can detect it and deal with it, and he can dance around the truth with more gusto, flash, sensuality, and clarity than Maria Pagés does with her soul-trancing tangos.

Call the massage parlor & tell him to get his slap-happy campaign butt over here!

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu). Bracketed text added by Gorgias.

Pareuresis

Pareuresis (par-yur-ee’-sis): To put forward a convincing excuse. [Shifting the blame.]

I just started as CEO of General Mortars. There is no way I had access to any information regarding defective ignition pins prior to September 1, 2014. You should be querying my predecessor who now works for General Mortals–the company that makes four-wheeled coffins.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu). Bracketed text added by Gorgias.

Pareuresis

Pareuresis (par-yur-ee’-sis): To put forward a convincing excuse.

Hank, when I was diagnosed with cancer I panicked. Fearful of my family’s future, I started cooking meth to pay my medical bills and to save my family from financial ruin. I thought for sure that I was going to die. Who could have known? Now I’m nearly a billionaire, Skyler and I have a very successful carwash, and I’m totally cured of cancer.

Now, I have an offer to make.

How would you like 10-million dollars and a 50 percent stake in the car wash? Our families can have what they really deserve and we can quietly bring this nasty little episode in our lives to an end.

If you refuse, I’m going to have to give you a 100 percent stake in a bullet to the head.

What’ll it be Hank?

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Pareuresis

Pareuresis (par-yur-ee’-sis): To put forward a convincing excuse.

The power went out last night while I was asleep & my alarm clock shut down–that’s why I’m a little late.  Sorry. I’m going to put fresh back-up batteries in it when I get home tonight.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).