Pareuresis (par-yur-ee’-sis): To put forward a convincing excuse. [Shifting the blame.]

I tried my hardest to keep from telling the truth–I did everything I could to misrepresent Bernie’s basic platform as a paean to neo-facist-socialist-racism, only to be thwarted by David Duke’s conversion to the Church of the Later-Day Saints and fervent support of what he calls Bernie’s “nice-guy agenda.”

I tried my best to paint Donald Trump as connected to the Church of Satan as one of the Evil One’s minions, but Anton LaVay spilled the hot coals and claimed that Donald Trump makes him want to sing songs from “Annie.”  After singing “Tomorrow” continuously for 12 hours and raising $1,000,000.00 for Mr. Trump, Mr. LaVay left for Rome and a private audience with Pope Francis and Vince, the spokesperson for Shamwow.

Given the opposition’s fluidity, credibility, and willingness to go 360, there’s no way I can besmirch Bernie or Donald–even with the truth!

Accordingly, I think the time has come!

We better call Bill: the world’s greatest truth-twister, accusation generator, and umbrage taker. He can spin innuendo faster than Duke or LaVay can detect it and deal with it, and he can dance around the truth with more gusto, flash, sensuality, and clarity than Maria Pagés does with her soul-trancing tangos.

Call the massage parlor & tell him to get his slap-happy campaign butt over here!

  • Post your own pareuresis on the “Comments” page!

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu). Bracketed text added by Gorgias.

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