Category Archives: bomphiologia

Bomphiologia

Bomphiologia (bom-phi-o-lo’-gi-a): Exaggeration done in a self-aggrandizing manner, as a braggart.


I was born on a beach in New Jersey, the craziest state in the land of the free, I hung in the park so I knew every tree, and I killed me a skunk with my car when I was twenty-three: Mickey, Mickey Ramapo, King of Seaside Heights.

I’m 6’9” and I am more handsome then Bruce Springsteen. I got thick black hair and bright blue eyes. It’s not my fault, but every night at least one girl is gonna cry because I won’t take her home at closin’ time from “Marla’s Food & Drink.” Down in Texas, I got 50 oil wells pumpin’ out dollar bills day and night. I got a 20-room mansion in Mahwah, a beach house down at the shore, and a secret hideout up north, I can’t tell you any more.

I am 71 and my latest wife is 23. She keeps me feeling young. My second biggest thrill is to watch Baby run on the treadmill. My children think she’s great. They go skiing in the winter and down to the place at the shore every other season. I’ve got so much money I can never spend it all. I have 9 cars. Every one’s worth over $60,000. My chauffeur Barb takes me anywhere I want to go. We have fun inspecting motel rooms, pretending we work for the Department of Sanitation. We have fake I.D. Cards. It’s a blast.

You should know that I graduated at the top of my class at Rutgers—I tied with some kid from China—a refugee. His father was a Red Guard and despised him for his Western learning. Too bad! My family was there at graduation eating a pepperoni pizza down in the from row, with super-size Cokes. They briefly took “Little Mao” under their wing. My dad got him a job driving a bakery truck until he heard back on his grad school applications. He got into MIT and disappeared. We thought he was kidnapped. I guess it was confirmed when we saw a newspaper picture of him beating up an old man in a street brawl somewhere in China. But of course, that did not deter me.

I opened a turtle oil factory in Linden. We squeezed it out of Sea Turtle muscles and genitals. The slogan for our turtle oil was: “It wins the race.” It is an allusion to the story of the tortoise and the hare—in our case the “race” is the race against time, or aging. Anyway I was shut down by the “Fish and Game Commission” but not before I’d made seven-billion dollars and could retire in style.

Behind Rocco Commisso, I am the richest man in New Jersey. Did you get that? Second richest man in New Jersey! It might be hard to believe I made all that money selling turtle oil in the Sixties. You don’t believe it? Fu*ck you. And oh, don’t forget my oil wells.


Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae”

A version of The Daily Trope is available from Amazon under the title The Book of Tropes.

Bomphiologia

Bomphiologia (bom-phi-o-lo’-gi-a): Exaggeration done in a self-aggrandizing manner, as a braggart.


All the awards I’ve won won’t fit in my house. I’ve rented a storage shed at Ed’s “Casa Too Much.” Also, I made it into MENSA on one try, astounding my fellow geniuses with my native brilliance. This summer, I’m driving on a cross country trip I’ve named the “Look How Smart I Am Tour.” I will be inspiring all the losers out there to try and be as smart as me. They never will be as smart as me, but trying is worth something. My trip is sponsored by Ritalin.

I think “inspiring” is the word that describes me best. People take one look at me and they’re washed in the golden glow of my perfection. They start striving right on the spot as though they’d been possessed by the “God of Get Up and Go.”

If you think I’m just blowing hot air, just remember, we’ve all got our burdens to bear. Mine is “Rubic’s Cube.“


Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae”

A version of The Daily Trope is available from Amazon under the title The Book of Tropes.

Bomphiologia

Bomphiologia (bom-phi-o-lo’-gi-a): Exaggeration done in a self-aggrandizing manner, as a braggart.


After I climbed Mt. Everest and then hiked around the world barefoot, my fame was inexhaustible. When I climbed up into the Cloud on a cyber ladder and looted it, and then bought the world’s oil reserves, I developed a aura of greatness shimmering around my head like a green halo sparking dollar signs. My foray into cryptocurrency saved the world: I amassed enough Bitcoins to pay the national debts of Brazil, Germany, China, India, the US, and the UK.

Now, in all my perfection, I have arrived.

I am the golden door to your heart, the stairway to your heaven, the top of your morning, noon, and night. How many other men would buy you, no questions asked, a $90.00 blender, a $600.00 electric scooter, and a not too cheap set of T-fal cookware? All I ask in return is that you be my eternal ray of sunshine, my inspiration, and my girlfriend.


Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae”

A version of The Daily Trope is available from Amazon under the title The Book of Tropes.

Bomphiologia

Bomphiologia (bom-phi-o-lo’-gi-a): Exaggeration done in a self-aggrandizing manner, as a braggart.

When the election was stolen from me, I was a little upset. My followers were so upset, out of love for me and my amazing leadership talent, they decided to stage a coup (all on their own). Given their undying affection, they moved. They beat police with flagpoles and a couple fire extinguishers and concealed clubs: all they did was look at me, downtrodden and jacked around, and their anger spontaneously flowed.

They love me, worship me, and have faith in me like their savior. I am their savior. Maybe they’ll riot. Maybe they’ll kill Biden. It won’t be my fault. I am beautiful and they love me.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae”

A version of The Daily Trope is available from Amazon under the title The Book of Tropes.

Bomphiologia

Bomphiologia (bom-phi-o-lo’-gi-a): Exaggeration done in a self-aggrandizing manner, as a braggart.

Good evening.

A brief update on how I am making America great again!

I’ve made a lot of work for attorneys at the FBI–that’s great for the economy! I’ve scared the crap out of the American people–all worried about being blown up by some crazy North Korean dictator! That’s good for the pharmaceutical industry–all those tranquilizers being sold! It’s good for the psychology business too! Everybody’s trying to figure out how to manage their fear and they are using an unprecedented number of professional counselors! Sales of gin and vodka are up 300% as people try to numb their senses and calm their nerves the old fashioned way!

Those are just a few of my fantastic and definitely positive accomplishments–the actual list of accomplishments stretches from here to Russia (via the internet).  That’s pretty far and it is awesomely beautiful like my wife, my money, and my hair.

A big thumbs up to me! Almost singlehandedly, I’m making America great again!

In summary, stay tuned tomorrow for my unbelievably amazing plan for citizens 70 & over! Attention! No more waiting around for health care all you disgruntled seniors!

In conclusion, thank-you and God bless everything, with the exception of illegal immigrants, Democrats, and John McCain.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Bomphiologia

Bomphiologia (bom-phi-o-lo’-gi-a): Exaggeration done in a self-aggrandizing manner, as a braggart.

Listen to this: I had the most Electoral College votes ever recorded in the history of democracy. The people love me. They do! Believe me! That’s no exaggeration. It’s wonderful.  It’s great. It’s huge. Once in a lifetime! A mandate!

Oh–and by the way. One month in office: I’ve boosted the economy & cut the national debt. I’m not kidding! It’s true–national debt is down by $12 billion. That’s a lot of dollars! $12 billion! It’s true.  It’s fabulous. Believe me! You’ve got to love it!

It’s all good! There is no stopping me & there’s no stopping you!

Thank you for your support!

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Bomphiologia

Bomphiologia (bom-phi-o-lo’-gi-a): Exaggeration done in a self-aggrandizing manner, as a braggart.

I am the sparks in life’s fire.

I am the headless race car driver.

I butcher the beef. I am the leaf. Roll me. Light me.

I am the cure for all your pain. I am thunder naming your name:

“Tantric Smoke. Cosmic Joke. Belly Tomb. Worn Eraser. Beetle Chaser.”

In all my love,

I am your shadow. I am your fear. I am the magic that brought you here.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

 

Bomphiologia

Bomphiologia (bom-phi-o-lo’-gi-a): Exaggeration done in a self-aggrandizing manner, as a braggart.

I am the stars in your sky, the hope in your heart, and the love of your life.   What more could you ask for, baby?

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Bomphiologia

Bomphiologia (bom-phi-o-lo’-gi-a): Exaggeration done in a self-aggrandizing manner, as a braggart.

As a businessman I’ve done so many really wonderful things. I fired 1,000s of people. I made enough money to buy Rhode Island, and I didn’t keep all the money for myself.

Clearly my track record as a businessman qualifies me to be President of the United State of America, Inc.

Just call me “The Profit Mitt: Your Blue Chip Investment in America’s Future.”

(Oh, and by the way, don’t forget my charming smile, the attractive gray stripes on my temples, my incredibly good posture, the fact that I go to bed early every night, and last, but not least, my endearing sense of humor.)

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Bomphiologia

Bomphiologia (bom-phi-o-lo’-gi-a): Exaggeration done in a self-aggrandizing manner, as a braggart.

I made so much money selling off bad mortgages that they call me the Golden Dumpster. I am the King of Faulty Futures–the Prime Minister of Mists and Mirrors–the Emperor of Empty Promises! I’m the richest guy on the planet and the biggest sucker-maker in the universe! You can bank on it.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Bomphiologia

Bomphiologia (bom-phi-o-lo’-gi-a): Exaggeration done in a self-aggrandizing manner, as a braggart.

I am so cool that I can make it snow in Florida on the Fourth of July! Goodbye global warming–Mr. Ice is on the planet!

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)