Category Archives: dialogismus

Dialogismus


Dialogismus (di-a-lo-giz’-mus): Speaking as someone else, either to bring in others ’ points of view into one’s own speech, or to conduct a pseudo-dialog through taking up an opposing position with oneself.


Am I talking to myself? Hell no. I’m thinking out loud. It’s like reading out loud. Much more texture. Much more meaning. Much more significance. It’s like a glass of wine vs. a glass of water , or a bowl of ice cream vs. a bowl of gruel.

It was Saturday night and I was hanging out at “The Lucky Trout” country dance hall. I lived in Boukville, NY between a cornfield and a highway. The only other business in Bouckville was the “Rte. 20 All Night Diner.” The dance hall kept them going. The drunks would flock there when the Lucky Trout closed. They specialized in Hitch Hiker’s Breakfast, in keeping with the Route 20 theme.

I was drinkin’ shots a beer and eatin’ popcorn from a red plastic bowl. I was waitin’ for my Piggy Fingers—my favorite bar snack—little sausages with toothpicks stuck in them, and special sauce called “Chicago Fire.” It was so hot it could set your teeth on fire.

Suddenly my stool started spinning of its own accord. Two bars with handle grips popped up. I grabbed them and I took off. I flew through the swinging saloon doors and up into the sky, propelled by jet engines in the stool’s legs. I flew past an airliner and a little kid waved at me. The next thing I knew I was landing on the moon. I got off my stool. I looked to my right and there was a picnic table. I walked over to it. It had the initials “JG” carved in it and the date: 1964. That was history! I looked around some more but didn’t see anything else of interest. I got back on my stool and took off. As I was taking off, I looked back down and saw a bowling trophy lying on its side in the moon dust, and then, whoosh, off I flew. Destination Earth!

I flew through the doors of The Lucky Trout and landed where I took off from. Nobody noticed. I ordered “another” shot and a beer. I ordered some more Piggy Fingers. The waitress set them down in front of me and they started squirming around like big caterpillars. They were making a soft squeaking sound like baby birds. I called the waitress over and asked her what the hell was going on. she called over Mickey the bouncer. He dumped my Piggy Fingers on the floor and pushed me off my stool. He told me to get out and to come back when I had achieved a drug-free lifestyle.

I got out into the parking lot and I could not find my car. It was a restored pea-green Corvair. It was worth thousands. I called the police. When they arrived, my car appeared behind a dumpster. The police weren’t happy. When they left, my car disappeared. I decided to take an Uber home and sort it all out tomorrow. The driver was dressed like a clown. That was too much. I told her to be on her way and decided to wait out the insanity at the Rout 20 All Night Diner. I sat down in a booth and looked around, and everybody looked like me. Then, the waitress came to my booth. She did not look like me. Aside from being a woman, her hair was blond and mine is black. I ordered The Hitch Hiker’s Breakfast: three fried eggs, four slices of bacon, two slices of toast, grits and a napkin printed like a roadmap. I ordered a cup of coffee too.

People kept coming over to my table asking if they knew me. They all had my name. It was awkward, The sun was coming up. I finished my breakfast and headed back to the Lucky Trout parking lot to find my car. I got to the parking lot and all the cars partied there were pea green Corvairs. I found my car by its license plate. Finally, I could go home. I started it up and it made a poof sound and turned into a pumpkin. It was Cinderella sitting next to me. She asked me if I knew where her shoe was. We got married and lived happily ever after. She blew off the Prince for me. I felt lucky.


Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

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Dialogismus

Dialogismus (di-a-lo-giz’-mus): Speaking as someone else, either to bring in others’ points of view into one’s own speech, or to conduct a pseudo-dialog through taking up an opposing position with oneself.


I’d like you to meet my opponent Donal Strut. What do you think Donald?

“Witch-hunt.”

Oh, that’s right. You claim you’re not a witch, but you’re being hunted as if you are a witch.

“Hoax.”

But maybe “witch-hunt” is a euphemism, or a metaphor. We know there’s no such thing as witches, so maybe it means hunting after somebody who acts witch-like: stealing, causing widespread conflict and dissension, clogging porta-potties, lying, and more. What say?

“Rigged.”

Well, Mr. Strut is about as forthcoming as a turtle. He didn’t even laugh at my mention of clogging porta-potties, although I think it might be true, regarding him. Ha ha!

Three key terms: witch- hunt, hoax, and, rigged. I think these three words are his campaign’s keynotes. Well, he’ll be in prison soon anyway, if the jury isn’t rigged. Clearly, his conviction won’t be a hoax. They’ll probably send him to one of those minimum security prisons in California where his wife Melanomia will visit him and he will die of a heart attack playing badminton.

POSTSCRIPT

I lost the election, but my prediction came true, right down to the badminton death stroke. Strut’s funeral and burial were kept secret to bolster the ‘badminton death hoax’ that he’s not really dead, but after massive plastic surgery he is posing as Mick Jagger and touring with The Rolling Stones. “Mick” claims it’s a hoax. He’s not Strut.

“Look at me, do I look like that fat old sod?”

I went to see the Stones in concert, to see if I could detect anything strange. Mick came on stage and opened their set with “The Wheels on Bus.” It had a bluesy tone to it, but it was also Strut’s favorite song—they had played it at his third wedding.

I was alarmed, but I didn’t show it. Suddenly, another Mick came running onto the stage with a loose handcuff dangling from his wrist. He tackled the other Mick and yelled “Hoax!” with a thick British accent, and beat him in the face with a cowbell that was laying next to the drum kit. It sounded like Blue Oyster Cult’s opening riff in “Don’t Fear the Reaper.” This made me think there was some kind of implant embedded in Strut’s cheek from plastic surgery that made the cowbell ring.

Things were getting totally out of hand when Kieth Richard raised his guitar threateningly and said into his microphone:

“Mick’s got a birthmark on his nutsack that looks like a bleedin’ volcano.” The crowd gasped and started chanting “nutsack, nutsack, nutsack.”

The two Micks pulled down their pants and stretched out their nutsacks in front of 5,000 fans. The crowd went wild. The Mick who had been beating the other Mick in the face with the cowbell, and who was wearing a handcuff, had the birthmark clearly present. The other Mick did not. DNA tests were taken later and it was determined he was Donald Strut. He was returned to prison and 50 years were added to his sentence. Melanomia divorced Strut and married Elton Mush, the famous battery-powered hoe mogul. Mick’s volcano birthmark has become the most popular tattoo in recorded history.

If you see a man walking funny down the street, chances are he’s coming from a tattoo parlor.


Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

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Dialogismus

Dialogismus (di-a-lo-giz’-mus): Speaking as someone else, either to bring in others’ points of view into one’s own speech, or to conduct a pseudo-dialog through taking up an opposing position with oneself.


Me1: Me me me. Ha ha! How do I address you, Me? I’ll just give you a number—you can be Me2, I will be Me1. We better not do this out loud. It could appear like a symptom of something. We are clearly divided into 1 and 2, but I don’t think that’s a problem. The basic idea is for you, aka Me2, to disagree with me, Me1.

Me 2: Why do I have to disagree with you?

M1: Because your disagreement tests what I think, forcing me to find good reasons to back up what I think. There may be something hidden that Me1 can’t see, but Me2 can see. This isn’t a simple literary device as dialogue was for Plato, where his Me2 is set up as an idiot to further his purposes. Look at Polus in Gorgias! Total idiot who Plato authored to strengthen his own case. Yet, for a time these dialogues passed for transcriptions of actual conversations! In some circles they still do. Most people who believe that rhetoric is “mere” and plays on the emotions, is some kind of linguistic seduction that “sweetens” speech’ so the sweetness is gobbled up—so the speech is swallowed with no regard for its truthfulness, affect the concept of rhetoric Plato presents in the Gorgias. This idea has been operative in Western thought since it first became Western. But, no matter the outcome, under a more expansive idea of rhetoric, all of Plato’s dialogues are rhetorical—they want to persuade you. What do you think M2?

M2: Bullshit. Plato is pursuing truth using dialectical hair-splitting to knock his opponents down and make them look like fools. It does not matter that the “characters” he presents are his own creations. They are representative of “types” we are all too familiar with—especially, the wannabe tyrants haunting contemporary politics.

And, you know—I’m getting bored with this asinine dialogue thing, and especially being designated as Me2–like Me Too, and as the Grateful Dead sang, “set up like a bowling pin.” I mean, this is all taking place in a single head. At best, it’s wondering, at worst it’s you making a learned display of yourself, but solely in your own head. There’s at least another 50 Me’s you could conjure to play this dumb-ass game. When you’ve satisfied your hope and Me1 is through, having arrived at insights worthy of a philosopher, what are you going to do with them? How will you wind them around your soul and ensure your actions accord with truth, justice and all the rest? Is it knowledge that will make you straight? Or, is it belief? You may know something is wrong, yet you’ll do it. On the other hand, belief mobilizes caritas—affections: hope, fear and a pointed sense of the future and it’s contingency. It may invite decisions drawn around consequences that are uncertain, unlike knowledge that stops at certainty, bereft of consequences, vested in being right as a substitute for being good.

Me1: Your wig has flipped Me2. It is time to shut this auto-conversation down. it frightens me that there is such incoherent drivel resident in my head. In fact, you frighten me, especially if you aspire to trade places with me!

Me2: Maybe I should. Here we are working at the “Golden Bubbles” car wash in Reno, Nevada. Remember, you were dismissed from the University of Maine for padding your travel expenses and selling counterfeit parking permits to undergraduate students. We have been hitch-hiking ever since. All this academic navel gazing is going to get us nowhere.

Me1: Maybe we could become a pimp! Prostitution is legal here and I think we could make a good living.

Me2: You are hopeless. Whatever it is, I’ll ride it out with you, but I’m done conversing. Don’t talk to me. I won’t answer. Why don’t you find an actual human being to talk to, or check into the Washoe County Mental Health Treatment Center, or both?

Me1 (yelling out loud): Traitor! Sophist trickster! What will mother say? Where the hell are you? Those parking permits were planted in my briefcase! Damn you Me2!

Postscript: Former Professor Wilde was led away from the car wash in handcuffs, yelling at an imaginary person. He was admitted to the Washoe County Mental Health Treatment Center.


Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Print copies of the Daily Trope are available at Amazon for 9.95. There’s also a Kindle edition available for $5.99.

Dialogismus

Dialogismus (di-a-lo-giz’-mus): Speaking as someone else, either to bring in others’ points of view into one’s own speech, or to conduct a pseudo-dialog through taking up an opposing position with oneself.


Me 1: There’s a time and a place for everything.

Me 2: There you go with the two-bit cliches again. Just because it’s been said a million times, since the beginning of time, doesn’t make it true. This is neither the time nor place you bent-brained bozo. This is just what is, deal with it.

Me 1: Although it’s apocryphal, Ecclesiastes tells us:

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.”

Me 2: There’s a time for off and time for on. Click! Click! Ha ha! Just because something has an opposite, not every time and place is the time and place for something to be its opposite, and especially, does not mean it is permissible.

M1: Precisely. We—you and me—in the realm of human community, contingency, and politics, and in all our relations with others, struggle to bring our preferred half of a given dichotomy into being. What is certain in this life-adventure we’re on is we are bound to disagree, and while there may be a time and place for everything, now and it may not be. We must be persuaded, establish solidarity, and now, let it be together.

Me 2: You sound like some kind of preacher.

Me 1: No, no. I’m just a student of rhetoric.


Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Print copies of the Daily Trope are available at Amazon for 9.95. There’s also a Kindle edition available for $5.99.

Dialogismus

Dialogismus (di-a-lo-giz’-mus): Speaking as someone else, either to bring in others’ points of view into one’s own speech, or to conduct a pseudo-dialog through taking up an opposing position with oneself.


Me 1 as me: He is inconsiderate, not to mention, rude, intellectually challenged and inarticulate.

Me 2 as him: You doo doo poo poo.

Me 1 as me: This is what it’s like debating and deliberating with him. It’s like a three-year-old got elected to the Senate by a gang of rogue nannies. But, you disagree.

Me 2 as him: You are a cross-eyed farty pants. Nah Nah!

Me 1 as me: That’s it. That’s all it ever is. We need to turn our backs on this idiot, hoping he will crawl back to his playpen in Idaho.


Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Print copies of the Daily Trope are available at Amazon for 9.95. There’s also a Kindle edition available for $5.99.

Dialogismus

Dialogismus (di-a-lo-giz’-mus): Speaking as someone else, either to bring in others’ points of view into one’s own speech, or to conduct a pseudo-dialog through taking up an opposing position with oneself.

Speaker takes on Trump’s persona: “I’m Don the con and that rhymes with Don the moron. America is loaded with fools–that’s anybody who voted for me, including myself. Ha Ha! I’m so happy to have my daughter doing nothing for a half-million a year in taxpayer money. And her husband: what a piece of work; bringing peace to Israel when he does not even know where the conflict is. He keeps asking me what a Palestine is.”

Speaker goes back to own persona: “That’s the way it is folks. Sad but true. If he gets reelected it will get worse. It will be his permission slip to wreak havoc on the United States and everything it has ever stood for and everything we continue to strive for.”

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Print copies of the Daily Trope are available at Amazon for 9.95. There’s also a Kindle edition available for $5.99.

Dialogismus

Dialogismus (di-a-lo-giz’-mus): Speaking as someone else, either to bring in others’ points of view into one’s own speech, or to conduct a pseudo-dialog through taking up an opposing position with oneself.

He’s shaping up to be the greatest President the United States of America has ever had! But you say it’s doubtful, Donny–so doubtful.

Ha! That’s not true. Look at the loyalty, the love, the affection!

Ok–Donny says it’s true: he’s making America great again in his own special way.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Print copies of the Daily Trope are available at Amazon for 9.95. There’s also a Kindle edition available for $5.99.

Dialogismus

Dialogismus (di-a-lo-giz’-mus): Speaking as someone else, either to bring in others’ points of view into one’s own speech, or to conduct a pseudo-dialog through taking up an opposing position with oneself.

‘On Friday I helped make America safe again. These Executive Orders are the best thing going anywhere & I mean it.’

We all know why your Executive Orders are the ‘best thing going.’ It’s because you don’t need to do anything except co-author them with you loony advisors, sign them, and hand them over–a truly convenient way of constituting your authority, bypassing Congress, and literally ‘ruling’ the USA with edicts covering the range of your campaign promises.

However, we would prefer legislation–that Congress play a key role in forming new laws of the land and judges play a role where the Executive Orders (AKA edicts) are contested on Constitutional grounds.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Dialogismus

Dialogismus (di-a-lo-giz’-mus): Speaking as someone else, either to bring in others’ points of view into one’s own speech, or to conduct a pseudo-dialog through taking up an opposing position with oneself.

In 1967 Tammy Wynette sang,

“Last night all alone in a barroom met a man with a drink in his hand.
He had baby blue eyes, coal black hair, and a smile that a girl understands.
Then he came and sat down at my table and as he placed his hand over mine,
I found myself wanting to kiss him for temptation was flowing like wine . . . “

Tammy, what were you thinking? If you hadn’t seen the reflection of your wedding band in that guy’s eyes when you were dancing, you may have had the time of your life! Instead, you went home.

That’s why unfaithful spouses should own, exchange, and wear EZ-OFF Wedding Bands.

When “maybe” is the first word that occurs to you when you’re asked to say “I do,” the EZ-OFF Wedding Band is just what you need! Designed in 14 “gold” and cleverly disguised as a legitimate wedding band, the EZ-OFF looks, feels, and wears like the “real” thing! And it’s high tech too!

To remove the EZ-OFF, simply put your wedding band hand in your pocket, tap the code into your ring with your thumb, and that symbol of eternal love expands and silently glides off your finger on its retractable patented micro-wheels!

No more awkward pulling and tugging on the ring under the table! No more “I have to go to the restroom for a minute” to soap-up and twist off!  Never again will you have to explain that you wear a wedding band in memory of your dead spouse!

Tammy, it’s 2014! Don’t let those old-fashioned wedding bands keep your granddaughters and grandsons from steppin’ out!

Imagine, Tammy, if you had an EZ-OFF back in ’67! Mmmmm hmmmm!

Well, YOU–yes, you, you lusty viewer can have an EZ-OFF now! That’s right! Right now!

But you ask: How much is the EZ-OFF?

Well get ready because it’s not $1,000,000,000.00! It’s not even $500,000.00. Right now today or tonight or tomorrow, you can have your very own solid 14 “gold” EZ-OFF Wedding Band for the low low price of 50 payments of  $9.99!!

But wait, that’s not all! If you are one the first 14,000 soulless wretches to call within the next 20 minutes, we’ll throw in an additional EZ-OFF free of charge! Give it as a gift to one of your cheating lying friends! Sell it on E-Bay! Hang it from your rear view mirror! Yup–it’s yours to do with as you will, totally free of charge!

Now!

Call: 1-800-TO-CHEAT! Robo-prompters are standing by to tell you which buttons to press on your phone!

Don’t wait! You deserve it! Call: 1-800-TO-CHEAT without delay.

Don’t miss the next opportunity to “grab some fun!”

Don’t be a boo hoo 1967 Tammy!

Call: 1-800-TO-CHEAT!

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Dialogismus

Dialogismus (di-a-lo-giz’-mus): Speaking as someone else, either to bring in others’ points of view into one’s own speech, or to conduct a pseudo-dialog through taking up an opposing position with oneself.

When I was a little boy, right before he died, the last thing my Grandpa said to me was, “You better go to school. School is good for you.” So I went to school. I went, and I went, and I went; and I graduated, and I graduated, and I graduated. Education saved my life. Grandpa was right. Thanks Grandpa! Thanks for the great advice!

So, I want to say to you, even though I’m not your grandpa: You better go to school. School is good for you. Take it from me, education will save your life.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)