Category Archives: apocarteresis

Apocarteresis

Apocarteresis (a-po-car-ter’-e-sis): Casting of all hope away from one thing and placing it on another source altogether.


Rubik’s Cube. Its popularity took off like a jumbo jet from a golden runway. Everybody had one. Twisting. Twisting. Twisting. People couldn’t stop—it was like they were on a treadmill set somehow beyond the speed of sound, plastic almost melting, twisting colored segments in a blur. People started getting wrist injuries, having marital problems, becoming agoraphobes, and losing their jobs for lack of attendance and playing with their Rubik’s Cubes on the job, either blatantly at their work stations, or in the restroom. One bus driver drove off a bridge. Thank God his bus was empty! Too bad for the driver.

All this and more led to the Rubik’s cube’s declining popularity. They sat on the shelves, unpurchased. They were selling for pennies on the dollar at wholesale venues. I had just taken a course in entrepreneurism at Trump University and was ready to make some fast cash according to what I had learned. Buy cheap, sell high. I invested everything I had in discounted Rubik’s Cubes, believing they would make a quick comeback.

My garage was filled to the rafters with them. I rented a warehouse that was filled too. I sat on them for years while I continued work at CVS and hope. But the Cubes were going nowhere: I couldn’t unload them for my cost. I just didn’t see the handwriting on the wall when I cornered the market. All I could see was “buy cheap, sell high.” Finally, after weeks of anguishing, I decided to do something: to stop waiting for something that would never happen. But what would I do?

It was time to turn my pain into gain—to break from past, sitting on the cubes like they were going to hatch. Staying up late, hardly eating, working like a dog, I determined by experimenting that if you Superglue Rubik’s Cubes together in just the right way, you can make them into lamps, footstools, picture frames, bars, headboards, dining room tables, and even couches.

My attempt at making my first couch ended in disaster. I spilled an entire jumbo-sized tube of Superglue all over my hand and then went to pick up the sofa I was finishing. My entire hand bonded to the couch’s underside. Me and the couch had to go to the emergency room together in a panel truck. They joked about amputating my hand. That made me mad. Anyway, they got my hand unglued with solvent. I told them I would give them the Rubik’s Couch—my first couch—for all of their help. All the staff laughed at me, and the chief nurse told me to “get that ridiculous piece of crap out of here.” I took a cab to U-Haul, drove back to the hospital, and paid a couple of orderlies to help me load my Rubik’s Couch. When I got home, I pulled the couch out of the back of the U-Haul and dragged it into the garage.

Then it happened!

Lady Gaga and Jimmy Carter endorsed my Rubik’s Furniture. Sales went crazy. I have hired 10 glue-men to assemble the furniture. I own most of the world’s Rubik’s Cubes, so I’m set. “Ruby-Cubey-Doo” is one of the most successful furniture businesses in the word, selling 500,000 Rubik units per year. I am rich.


Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Paperback and Kindle editions of The Daily Trope are available at Amazon under the title The Book of Tropes.

Apocarteresis

Apocarteresis (a-po-car-ter’-e-sis): Casting of all hope away from one thing and placing it on another source altogether.


Lotto, Lotto, Lotto. All these years, and I have never won a penny. My “Dollar and a dream” is about a thousand bucks and a nightmare. I am sick of losing. I don’t know why I haven’t quit already. You guessed it—no more running to the convenience store on Fridays. No more angrily tearing up those losing tickets.

I quit!

I have got a new 21st-century modern-day plan: on-line slots! Instead of playing once a week, I can play all the time on my laptop! It is clear to me: the more often I play, the greater the chances I’ll win! I don’t know why I didn’t come up with this plan sooner. It’s like having Las Vegas everywhere in my house, except the basement, where I don’t have wi-fi reception.


Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Paperback and Kindle editions of The Daily Trope are available at Amazon under the title The Book of Tropes.

Apocarteresis

Apocarteresis (a-po-car-ter’-e-sis): Casting of all hope away from one thing and placing it on another source altogether.

I’ve been a vegetarian for the past 10 years. I am tired of drooling over hamburgers, lamb chops, pepperoni, roast beef, liver, kidneys, bacon, ham, steak of all kinds, goat, turkey, chicken, and all the rest of the bleeding protein that I see inhabiting dinner plates everywhere but the vegetarian diner.

I’m tired of feeling like a frustrated rabbit, a groundhog in a field, a cow in a barn, a deer in the woods, a pig in a sty, a sheep on a hillside, a goose on a pond, a rabbit in a hole.

I WANT MEAT: juicy, steaming slabs of animal flesh. Goodbye kale! Hello barbecued ribs! Goodbye Fakin’ Bacon! Hello New York Strip! Goodbye tofu!  Hello Big Mac.

That’s it! I’m changing my life from meatless to meatfull.

See you at the steakhouse.  I hope to be sitting behind a platter of meat!

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Apocarteresis

Apocarteresis (a-po-car-ter’-e-sis): Casting of all hope away from one thing and placing it on another source altogether.

YOU: Do you remember the dollar bill? It used to be as good as gold, but that’s not the case any more. I’m putting everything I have in cash into gold. Gold will never let me down. Paper money is increasingly questionable. If inflation doesn’t get you, the Apocalypse will.

Given my faith and convictions I will survive the Apocalypse. I will walk out of my bunker a little thinner and a little wiser, and in my hands I’ll have my war chest filled with bright shiny golden planchets ready to be minted into survivors’ currency!

ME: How are you going to protect your gold from the marauding hordes that will surely be ravaging the world?

YOU: Machine gun and lots of ammo. That’s the other thing I’m in the process of taking care of: how to most efficiently dispatch  the Godless marauders. I’m stocking up on automatic weapons. Most of them have seen action in Syria! Can’t go wrong there. So, although I’ve just got this one machine gun now, I’m hoping to have at least five in the next six months–then I’ll be ready for anything! I’m currently in the market for a rocket launcher. I don’t know exactly what I’ll do with it, but it sounds impressive: R-O-C-K-E-T  L-A-U-N-C-H-E-R.  Woo hoo!

Given our new President’s predilections, you better consider stocking up on gold and guns too.

ME: That’s a bunch of BS. I’m sticking with paper money and my credit card, and possibly, Bitcoins. As far as weapons go, that’s just inviting trouble. You should expect a visit from ATF.

Bottom line: I think you’ve gone way around the bend.

YOU: Go away! Get out! You poor fool. You’ll see! And make sure to keep your mouth shut, or else. Got it? We are no longer friends.

ME: When were we friends in the first place?

  • Post your own apocarteresis on the “Comments” page.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Apocarteresis

Apocarteresis (a-po-car-ter’-e-sis): Casting of all hope away from one thing and placing it on another source altogether.

There was always love, and I took it, and I twisted it, and I tore it; I crumpled it, lit it on fire and threw it over the abyss between knowing and hoping–burning, sparking, smoking, falling, drowning in the bitter sloe pool; lukewarm and slithering–churning and grey, thick with the ashes of extinguished love–a perfect sump for hell.

Now, as I awaken frigid in the dim cramped closet where I hang, smelling camphor, and mothballs, and the left-over odors of long-departed clothes, I think of the bodies that wore them as they tore through life’s fashion arcade, wanting to look good, wanting to wear the latest, wanting to be admired and loved.

Now gone forever, only their empty hangers remain–some are plastic, some are wire, some are cedar, but they all hang quietly with eternally perfect spaces between them, keeping them perfectly apart.

How do I get down from here and touch the floor, and feel its wooden smoothness underneath my feet?

If I could only unbutton the clothes that hold me, I could slide off my hanger, leave my pants, and sandals, and shirt, and softly walk away.

To feel the wood, and then the earth, under my bare wiggly toes! To feel the sun and brush my teeth!

Back on the surface, back on my feet, I shall walk naked to Paradise (a famous shopping mall). There, I shall be refashioned; and looking good, and being admired, I shall be loved, and being loved, like a permanent-press shirt I shall tumble dry on low and feel the warmth of the cycle as my wrinkles smooth. I will I find love, and give love, and be loved, and that’s all there is.

Back to the ground! Back to the dirt! Back to the pleasures and all the things that hurt.

  • Post your own apocarteresis on the “Comments” page.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Apocarteresis

Apocarteresis (a-po-car-ter’-e-sis): Casting of all hope away from one thing and placing it on another source altogether.

When I was young beauty was in the eye of the beholder–I was the beholder and I was delighted  to be in the presence of beauty–of beautiful bodies and beautiful things.

Now that my sight has faded and my other senses are failing, I have found that being in the presence of beauty and beholding its glory can no longer be a source of delight: there is no beholding, just a dull awareness of the material world–of light and darkness and moving shadows and the garble of human speech.

Yet, as I drift into old age’s oblivion it is the persistance of the idea of beauty that lingers and embraces me and excites me and delights me! For this, I am grateful. For this, I am not fearful of what will come next.

When I was young, I thought Plato was an idiot. Now, I can ‘see’ the Truth of what he was telling me and why you should take him seriously.

  • Post your own apocarteresis on the “Comments” page.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Apocarteresis

Apocarteresis (a-po-car-ter’-e-sis): Casting of all hope away from one thing and placing it on another source altogether.

Once upon a time I trusted my honesty, sincerity, and goodwill to find me friends. I learned quickly that this spelled “sucker” to most of the strangers I met, and I was ripped off more times than I care to say. Now, I trust a private detective to run background checks on everybody I meet.   So far, I haven’t found any friends, but I haven’t been ripped off either!

  • Post your own apocarteresis on the “Comments” page.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Apocarteresis

Apocarteresis (a-po-car-ter’-e-sis): Casting of all hope away from one thing and placing it on another source altogether.

I thought hard work, intelligence, and honesty counted the most around here! I work hard. I’m smart. I’m honest, and I’m still the lowest paid employee! I can’t stop being smart, but maybe if I stop working so hard and cheat a little things will go better for me. Whoops–that’s not very smart. I think I’ll just quit and go to work where intelligence, hard work, and honesty are actually appreciated.

  • Post your own apocarteresis on the “Comments” page.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Apocarteresis

Apocarteresis (a-po-car-ter’-e-sis): Casting of all hope away from one thing and placing it on another source altogether.

Ok, so much for the stock market–it’s killing me. I’m cutting my losses once and for all. I’m investing every dollar I’ve got left in–yup–you guessed it: gold! I’m buying shiny-yellow-never-let-you-down gold!

  • Post your own apocarteresis on the “Comments” page.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Apocarteresis

Apocarteresis (a-po-car-ter’-e-sis): Casting of all hope away from one thing and placing it on another source altogether.

All my life I thought that wealth and fame were the two keys to ultimate happiness. Now, after all, I realize that there is no key to ultimate happiness, rather, happiness is the key.

  • Post your own apocarteresis on the “Comments” page.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)