Apocarteresis (a-po-car-ter’-e-sis): Casting of all hope away from one thing and placing it on another source altogether.

YOU: Do you remember the dollar bill? It used to be as good as gold, but that’s not the case any more. I’m putting everything I have in cash into gold. Gold will never let me down. Paper money is increasingly questionable. If inflation doesn’t get you, the Apocalypse will.

Given my faith and convictions I will survive the Apocalypse. I will walk out of my bunker a little thinner and a little wiser, and in my hands I’ll have my war chest filled with bright shiny golden planchets ready to be minted into survivors’ currency!

ME: How are you going to protect your gold from the marauding hordes that will surely be ravaging the world?

YOU: Machine gun and lots of ammo. That’s the other thing I’m in the process of taking care of: how to most efficiently dispatch  the Godless marauders. I’m stocking up on automatic weapons. Most of them have seen action in Syria! Can’t go wrong there. So, although I’ve just got this one machine gun now, I’m hoping to have at least five in the next six months–then I’ll be ready for anything! I’m currently in the market for a rocket launcher. I don’t know exactly what I’ll do with it, but it sounds impressive: R-O-C-K-E-T  L-A-U-N-C-H-E-R.  Woo hoo!

Given our new President’s predilections, you better consider stocking up on gold and guns too.

ME: That’s a bunch of BS. I’m sticking with paper money and my credit card, and possibly, Bitcoins. As far as weapons go, that’s just inviting trouble. You should expect a visit from ATF.

Bottom line: I think you’ve gone way around the bend.

YOU: Go away! Get out! You poor fool. You’ll see! And make sure to keep your mouth shut, or else. Got it? We are no longer friends.

ME: When were we friends in the first place?

  • Post your own apocarteresis on the “Comments” page.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

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