Category Archives: asphalia

Asphalia

Asphalia (as-fay’-li-a): Offering oneself as a guarantee, usually for another.


I have been a fry-cook for 22 years. I’ve flipped more burgers than any single McDonalds, Burger King, or Wendy’s. Ok, that’s an exaggeration, but it is close to true. I taught Elrond, my son, all he knows, and I believe his prowess as a fry-cook surpasses mine. In addition to burgers, he can do omelettes and steaks, and oysters, and much, much more. Additionally, Elrond is easy-going and gets along well with other people.

I hope you would consider him for the fry-cook position that just opened. I will mentor him and see to it that he does well. I’ve been working here for the past 9 years. I know I’ve earned your trust. If Elrond does not work out, I’ll resign. I am confident that won’t happen, but I swear I will leave.

See you later!


Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).


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Asphalia

Asphalia (as-fay’-li-a): Offering oneself as a guarantee, usually for another.

To Whom It May Concern:

I can vouch for my nephew Sid. On the surface he looks like a dishonest, violent, reprobate. Those things that he’s done are completely out of character! I know Sid and he would have a good reason for “beating up” his girlfriend–we don’t have to know anything more than what he’s told us and one thing’s for sure Sid’s not a liar.  He’s pretty small and self-defense seems like a reasonable motive–somehow the little guy won the round this time. He must’ve figured out some winning boxing moves.

In short, Sid is a good boy.

As you probably know, I am writing this from my cell at Ossining. So, you know I have nothing to gain by lying, as I have been completely reformed and helping my nephew out of a scrape will never count toward my parole.

If I’m wrong about Sid, add another 10 years to my sentence! I (a beacon of good behavior) stand behind Sid 1,000 percent. Trust me! I wouldn’t con you!

Yours truly,

Ponzi

Ponzi McDough

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Asphalia

Asphalia (as-fay’-li-a): Offering oneself as a guarantee, usually for another.

This is a small hiccup in a long and lustrous political career. Throughout his political career he has never had a misstep, or had to face the sort of humiliation he’s being made to face by certain Congressional operatives–Democrat and Republican–with this Russia thing.

If anything, I can vouch for Sen. Sessions.  He’s not going anywhere, despite the recusal. You can come after me if he disappears!

Right before the hearings begin, I’m going to send him to Palm Beach for memory restoration–that’s all we’re going to do–send him to Palm Beach. It’s great there, I promise–it’s great, wonderful, great! He will be well prepared. Believe me.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Asphalia

Asphalia (as-fay’-li-a): Offering oneself as a guarantee, usually for another.

Jeez! He’s just a kid! If you have to blame somebody, blame me. But please, leave my little brother alone. I’ll get your Glock back from him and ground him for 10 years! He’s too stupid to take the blame. I’ll take the hit.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

 

Asphalia

Asphalia (as-fay’-li-a): Offering oneself as a guarantee, usually for another.

If my brother can’t come through for you, take it out on me–he’s too young and too idealistic to take that kind of hit.

  • Post your own asphalia on the “Comments” page!

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).