Category Archives: antisagoge

Antisagoge

Antisagoge (an-tis-a-go’-gee): 1. Making a concession before making one’s point (=paromologia); 2. Using a hypothetical situation or a precept to illustrate antithetical alternative consequences, typically promises of reward and punishment.


Ok, ok. So I shouldn’t have tried to incinerate our neighbor’s dog. But, it dumps big steamers in our yard twice a day and has repeatedly dug up our garden boxes. Our neighbor, the dog’s owner, is a very large and very strong weight-lifting violent troll whose hobby is kick boxing with his nine-year-old son (who has a little trouble speaking and walks with a limp). In short, my neighbor scares the holy crap out of me. At least he didn’t catch me squirting lighter fluid on his dog “Dog,” a name suited for the pet of a giant nitwit bully. Right then, I heard him crunching up my gravel driveway. I had to hide behind the hedge until he left—but before he left, like the giant in Jack and the Beanstalk, he said “Fee fie foe dude, I smell the smell of lighter fluid.” I nearly peed my shorts, but I stayed quiet and didn’t do a panicked runner. He knew I was hiding somewhere nearby, but he left, dragging Dog behind hm.

Something still needs to be done about the dog.

I was willing to go to any length to whack the dog—to stop the yard bombs and the marathon barking sessions. What if I trapped him in a dog crate with a big piece of meat, kidnapped him, took him on a cruise on the Queen Mary 2 to England, and threw him overboard somewhere in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean? Elaborate, but brilliant.

The plan failed. My neighbor accompanied Dog on his daily bombing mission and saw me, the dog crate, and the meat inside it. He reached behind him and pulled out a pistol. He aimed it at me and slowly panned toward the dog crate and started firing. He emptied the gun and the dog crate was transformed into a lump of smoking plastic. He started reloading, and I heard police sirens. My neighbor was arrested for attempted murder—for attempting to murder me! Ha ha! He had successfully murdered the dog crate, but I didn’t have a scratch. At his trial, I testified that I was inside the dog crate when he arrived and was able to just barely get out of it when he started shooting. I told them I was lucky to be alive. My neighbor was convicted of attempted murder and is currently living out his 25 year sentence at Rahway State Prison. I adopted Dog and trained him to shut up and poop in the gutter when we take walks. I don’t mind bagging Dog’s poop.

Everything has worked out for the best for me, but not for my neighbor, and Dog has become a model multiple breed dog, enjoying peeing on the fake fire hydrant at the doggy play park, humping other dogs, and begging for doggy treats.


Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

A paper version The Daily Trope is available from Amazon under the title The Book of Tropes.

Antisagoge

Antisagoge (an-tis-a-go’-gee): 1. Making a concession before making one’s point (=paromologia); 2. Using a hypothetical situation or a precept to illustrate antithetical alternative consequences, typically promises of reward and punishment.


Who would’ve known? Who could’ve known glass wallpaper wouldn’t work? Ha! But, it was a great idea, the shimmering beauty! Maybe I should’ve done some research and found out more about glass. And you’re right, I shouldn’t have let everybody we know and their relatives and friends, and even their enemies, invest in Wall Glass. Just think, if I had succeeded with Wall Glass, we would have been fabulously wealthy, but I failed and we’re in debt for couple million. I should’ve realized that there is no such thing as Wall Glass already because it’s a stupid idea. Glass is brittle and you can’t manufacture it in rolls. And there’s glass tiles—that’s nothing new. If only I had taken five minutes to check the whole thing out more thoroughly before I took everybody’s money.

So, I went on Orbitz and bought two one way tickets to Mali with what’s left on the credit card. I’m going to put my military experience to work as a mercenary and maybe you can get a job in retail sales or as a mule moving small arms and drugs. Now we need to find a place on Hotels.com to stay while we’re hiding out. Ooh! Look at this: “Windowless bunker near airport. Walls one meter thick. Will deter small arms fire, up to RPG. No electricity. No water. No bed. $10.00 per week.” Here’s a review: “I am recovering in hospital from shrapnel wounds sustained while I was sunning myself outside the bunker. I didn’t see it coming. After I was wounded, I dragged myself into the bunker and grabbed the complimentary AK-47. I blew two of the attackers away. Unfortunately, the remaining assailants kidnapped my wife. Over a 3-week period, 27 ransom notes have been hand-delivered to the hospital where I am recovering. With each iteration, the ransom is lower. This has been a soul searching experience. I doubt if I’ll ever see my wife gain. I have learned an important lesson. Rating: ***** Highly Recommend.”

Let’s book it—five stars! Highly recommend! What a hideout! Bye bye to all the irate investors and the police. Oh. Do you mind being kidnapped?


Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

A paper version The Daily Trope is available from Amazon under the title The Book of Tropes.

Antisagoge

Antisagoge (an-tis-a-go’-gee): 1. Making a concession before making one’s point (=paromologia); 2. Using a hypothetical situation or a precept to illustrate antithetical alternative consequences, typically promises of reward and punishment.

Ok, ok. So I might have overestimated the popularity of my cardboard bicycle, but its point is not about popularity, it’s about making a difference—changing peoples’ view of cardboard. It’s not just for cards any more, with my miracle quick-hardening cardboard construction syrup, we can build a brave new brown paper world—a corrugated utopia with shelter for all, and bicycles too. Just think: Pit mines, plastic pollutants entangling innocent fish, noisy metallic four-wheeled death-crates spewing petrol and carbon-based gasses into the air, castles made of steel and sand—castles costing millions, and millions, and millions, all replaced by clean, cozy, durable cardboard.

Imagine: Welcome to your cardboard mansion. Everything made of light-weight treated cardboard. You’ll even have a cardboard microwave and a cardboard TV, and a cardboard family too (if you want one).

Think about it. Talk about it. Make the change. Join Cardboard Nation. Our slogan: “It’s corrugated for your safety, your future, and your peace of mind.” Our first demonstration project is being erected at Disneyland’s “It’s a Small World.” You know, “fairy tales can come true it can happen to you, if you’re young at heart.” So, don your oxygen tube, and grab your walker! The future is wide open.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Antisagoge

Antisagoge (an-tis-a-go’-gee): 1. Making a concession before making one’s point (=paromologia); 2. Using a hypothetical situation or a precept to illustrate antithetical alternative consequences, typically promises of reward and punishment.

Ok, so I don’t have a college degree, but I’ve had lots of practical experience working in a lab. We made lots of money and helped a lot of people escape from the dismal realities of their lives. Also, I handled a lot of cash–I know how to keep books, order supplies and make a payroll. We had 8 people working in the lab and employed 50 salespeople.

Just imagine if you’ve got Pete or Patty PhD at the helm and there’s some kind of crisis–say, one of your salespeople gets shot or arrested. Your college grads will probably start crying for their mommies.  I, on the other hand, have had these kinds of experiences and know exactly what to do. Sure, it’s not likely that a vitamin supplement lab will encounter these kinds of problems, but if you have me at the helm in the lab you can rest assured that everything will be quickly under control–and I mean everything. It’s part of my meth-od if you get my drift!

Hire me, and your business will take off, especially if you let me work nights when nobody else is around.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Buy a print edition of The Daily Trope! The print edition is entitled The Book of Tropes and is available on Amazon for $9.99.

Antisagoge

Antisagoge (an-tis-a-go’-gee): 1. Making a concession before making one’s point (=paromologia); 2. Using a hypothetical situation or a precept to illustrate antithetical alternative consequences, typically promises of reward and punishment.

1. I know I’m not the smartest person in the world, but it does not take a genius to drive a school bus. It takes a spotless driving record, a sense of direction, an abundance of patience, consistent promptness, and genuine concern for the kids’ well being.

I’m blessed with all four of those attributes!  Whoops. I mean all five of those attributes.

Do I get the job?

2. So you want a pet turtle. Ok, but on one condition: Neither I nor your father will have anything to do with it.

But now, imagine this: You’ve been invited to go snowboarding for the weekend. You plan on being gone for 3 nights and 2 days.

As you’re packing in your room, your turtle looks up at you with his little beady black eyes. Already, the lettuce you gave him for breakfast is turning brown. His water is hosting an armada of little turtle poops, is starting to smell like rotten eggs, and may be brewing a batch of salmonella.

How are you going to make sure your turtle gets fed and has clean water to paddle around in?

It comes down to this: Either you stay home and take care of the turtle and the turtle continues to flourish, or you go snowboarding and let the little guy possibly die. What will it be: take care of turtle or go on snowboarding trip?

You can’t realistically go snowboarding and take care of the turtle (unless you get one of your so-called friends to help–which, given your friends, is a very remote possibility).

Given that some version of this dilemma will happen over and over, I think, for you, not being tied down by a turtle is your best option.

In summary:

No turtle=go snowboarding for the weekend. Have turtle=stay home for the weekend.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Buy a print edition of The Daily Trope! The print edition is entitled The Book of Tropes and is available on Amazon for $9.99.

Antisagoge

Antisagoge (an-tis-a-go’-gee): 1. Making a concession before making one’s point (=paromologia); 2. Using a hypothetical situation or a precept to illustrate antithetical alternative consequences, typically promises of reward and punishment.

1. I know I need a bath. I know I’m a slob. I know you want to hose me down. I also know that I love you more than anything in the world and that love is not built on bathtubs, washcloths, and soap.  It’s built on trust. Trust me, I’m going to take a long overdue bath tonight–with candlelight, and wine, and your favorite Barry White! I trust you will join me? Rub-a-dub-dub honey!

2. Ok, so you want to mount a hookah on your motorcycle seat. Aside from being insane, it’ll never work. Even if you have a windshield for your passenger-hookah, you can’t blow smoke rings at 80 miles per hour and when you stop and put the kickstand down, and get off the bike, the charcoal will fall off.

You should either quit hookah smoking or sell your motorcycle. Or, forget your latest stupid idea–besides, I’m not giving up my seat behind you to a shisha-burning bottle of water with a velvet hose! Mount the hookah and I’m leaving you once and for all! Idiot.

  • Post your own antisagoge on the “Comments” page!

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Buy a print version of The Daily Trope! The print version is titled The Book of Tropes and is available on Amazon for $9.99 (or less).

Antisagoge

Antisagoge (an-tis-a-go’-gee): 1. Making a concession before making one’s point (=paromologia); 2. Using a hypothetical situation or a precept to illustrate antithetical alternative consequences, typically promises of reward and punishment.

1. There’s no doubt that we’re running out of time, but time is of the essence: we’ll be more likely to get a better deal if we don’t make any concessions until the last possible minute. I think we have at least another two weeks of no, no, no.

2. You want to go to France to visit your friends. Where’s the money coming from? Imagine this: you ask your parents for the money & they refuse to give you a dime: no trip to France. Or, imagine this: you get a part-time job, make some money, and ask your parents to pay for part of your trip: fun trip to France. Which will it be: No work, no France? Or,  part-time job, bon voyage?

  • Post your own antisagoge on the “Comments” page!

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Antisagoge

Antisagoge (antis-a-go’-gee): 1. Making a concession before making one’s point (=paromologia); 2. Using a hypothetical situation or a precept to illustrate antithetical alternative consequences, typically promises of reward and punishment.

1. I know it’s a lot of money to spend on a vacation, but it isn’t going to break us.  In fact, I ran the numbers & it looks like it’s well within our means. Besides, we’ve never seen a bee farm before! It’ll be educational!

2. You’re going to be applying to colleges this year. You need to plan ahead:  Imagine you’re applying for college and the application asks if you have any noteworthy extracurricular achievements. If you go ahead and waste another summer partying at the beach, you’ll have nothing worthwhile to write about. On the other hand, just imagine spending the entire summer helping me–AKA your dear dad–build and sell these really cool cinder block birdhouses I invented. You’ll have something worthwhile to say on that application that may make the difference between being accepted and rejected. Come on. What’ll it be? The birdhouses or the beach? College, or who knows what? It seems like a no-brainer to me. Here’s a drill and a cinder block. Let’s get to work!

  • Post your own antisagoge on the “Comments” page!

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Antisagoge

Antisagoge (an-tis-a-go’-gee): 1. Making a concession before making one’s point (=paromologia); 2. Using a hypothetical situation or a precept to illustrate antithetical alternative consequences, typically promises of reward and punishment.

1. There’s no doubt that there’s a high degree of risk involved, but if we don’t act now all bets are off.

2. Imagine this: It comes to your attention that one of your fellow employees is stealing office supplies to support the small business he’s set up on the side to defray the costs of his wife’s cancer treatment. What should you do? If you turn him in, he will be fired. If you don’t turn him in, you will be fired. What should you do? Be creative–surely there are more than two possible choices!

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)