Abating: English term for anesis: adding a concluding sentence that diminishes the effect of what has been said previously. The opposite of epitasis (the addition of a concluding sentence that merely emphasizes what has already been stated. A kind of amplification).
“Put your hands up, or I’ll shoot!” Everybody put their hands up. Then I said, “I won’t actually shoot, but my buddy Pouncy here will beat the shit out of you and maybe stab you!” It worked like a charm. I called it the “old one two.” “One, the gun. Two, Pouncy.” Threatening to shoot people really gets their attention and that’s what I want when I’m robbing a convenience store at 3.00 a.m. I didn’t even own a gun. As a convicted felon with bipolar disorder I was not allowed to own a gun in New Jersey. I didn’t care. For backup, I had a toy Glock with the red plug pulled out of the barrel. It looked real. So real, it gave a guy a heart attack and killed him. That was something to be proud of—killing somebody with a fake gun. Pouncy didn’t have to beat anybody senseless that night. The dead guy on the floor did the trick.
Pouncy and I have successfully robbed 62 convenience stores in North Jersey—from “A&B Markets” to “Zelda’s Pantries.” We’re headed to “Groogles Bunk and Dunk” tonight. It’s a combination donut shop and motel—very high end. The cheapest donut is three dollars and it’s called the “Cheapy.” The most expensive donut is a whopping $125.00, and it’s called the “Circle of Love.” It is one-foot in diameter and garnished with carmel corn, chocolate kisses and edible pink and blue confetti. It is filled with ricotta cheese and raspberry jam. The donut’s dough is luminescent, glowing a light green color when you turn out the lights. For an extra five dollars you can get a candle. People give the donuts to each other to signify love on birthdays, anniversaries, and of course, Valentine’s Day. “The Circle of Love” was featured in a special edition of “National Geographic.” It was titled “Bizarre Things People Eat.” It included “Joe’s Roadkill Roundup” and “Muffet’s Battered Spiders.”
But anyway, this was a big night—our last heist in North Jersey. We were head through the Delaware Water Gap to Stroudsburg, PA, and then, down to Philadelphia.
We pulled up to Groogle’s. I took out my gun. We pulled down our Balaclavas and burst into the entrance. I waved my gun around and yelled, “Hands up or I’ll shoot!” Then I noticed everybody was wearing police uniforms. A big fat cop yelled “go fu*k yourself.” All the cops pulled their guns. One yelled “Welcome to my retirement party. assholes.”
That was it. Me and Pouncy were arrested and convicted of robbery armed with a fake gun. We’re serving our seven year sentences in Rahway State Prison. We’re up for parole next year. I can’t wait to start robbing convenience stores again.
Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)
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