Category Archives: deesis

Deesis

Deesis (de’-e-sis): An adjuration (solemn oath) or calling to witness; or, the vehement expression of desire put in terms of “for someone’s sake” or “for God’s sake.”


Me: For God’s sake, if you don’t stop doing that, I’ll put you out of the car at the next rest stop. In the meantime, I’m putting down the windows to blow some of the stink out of here. “Zombie Flower.” I didn’t know “The Walking Dead” had an online gift shop. What the hell are they trying to do selling perfume that smells like carrion? If I wanted a dead person in the car, I’d run somebody over and pack them in the back seat. I know it’s littering, but throw that crap out the window.

(Sirens Howl)

State Trooper: License, insurance card, and registration please. Hmm, ok. I saw this bottle fly out of your car window a couple of miles back. Littering is a criminal offense here in South Carolina. I am going to have to arrest you until we determine who threw the bottle. Oh my God! What is that stench? It smells like rotten meat, like a decaying dead body. Step out of your vehicle sir and open the trunk, please.

Me: it’s only my daughter’s stupid zombie perfume she got on the internet.

State Trooper: Sir, I’ll only say this once more: Step out of your vehicle and open the trunk. Sir, is that a dead moth in the corner over there? It looks like the endangered moth, Flamenmetuclosis. This is a protected species. It is a criminal offense in the State of South Carolina to kill and/or transport it. Put your hands behind your back. Hmm, these zip-ties match your T-Shirt. Mr. Botch, I am arresting you on suspicion of protected species molestation. You have the right to stand there while I make room for you and your daughter in my police cruiser. Anything you say will be doubted and anything I say will be believed. Do you understand?

Me: What is this, a new episode of “The Twilight Zone?”

State Trooper: Oh, so you want to be wise guy? Let’s add resisting arrest, and charge your daughter with complicity in your heinous crime. Barbara, come over here so I can cuff you and read you your rights. God! You stink! I feel sick. I think I’m going to pass out. Ooooh.

Barbara: Come on dad. Let’s get the hell out of here! The border’s only two miles away & the State Trooper’s full of shit about the moth —there’s no such thing. I swear, when we get home I am going file so many charges against him he’ll think he’s a credit card.

Me: Thank you for stinking. Give me a hug! Oh jeez. Let’s wait until you’ve had a shower.


Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

The Daily Trope is available on Amazon in paperback under the title of The Book of Tropes for $9.95. It is also available in Kindle format for $5.99.

Deesis

Deesis (de’-e-sis): An adjuration (solemn oath) or calling to witness; or, the vehement expression of desire put in terms of “for someone’s sake” or “for God’s sake.”


A: I swear to God I’ll love you forever.

B: You’re an atheist. How can you swear to God? It’s like me swearing to Horus that I’ll never cheat on you! You’re such a fake. You might as well swear to Dolos, the Greek god of lying!

A: ok, ok, you’re right. I wasn’t thinking—force of habit. The “swear to God” thing has been a mark of sincerity for me ever since I learned it from my neighbor Eddie when I was a kid. He was a huge liar, and said “I swear to God” almost every time he spoke. For some reason it stuck with me, and even though I’ve rejected God, I still use it from time to time. It just pops out.

This is what I meant: I swear I’ll love you forever. There, no God, just me. For our sake and the sake of our child, you’ve got believe my love is manifest in every thing I do—from telling jokes, to paying the bills, to sitting with my arms around you and Bonnie watching the colored flames in the fireplace at Christmas time.

B: Oh honey, that’s sweet. I’ll love you forever too. I’m sorry I doubted your sincerity.

A: I swear to God I’ll never swear to God again. Ha ha! Just kidding. We’ve been married for fifteen years and we still hold hands when we walk through the mall. That’s a sure sign of our love’s endurance. We don’t need promises to make our love true.

B: And that’s a promise? Ha ha! Just kidding. Let’s you, me, and Bonnie go out to Sammy’s Salmon Ladder and have some fun. I love the pounded Salmon on mashed potatoes with seaweed salad and fries. I know how much you and Bonnie like the skin-on teriyaki Salmon on a stick with sliced turnip, a 6 oz. slab of smoked bacon, and 2 vegetarian Slim Jims for chopsticks.

Let’s go! Who are you messaging on your phone?


Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

The Daily Trope is available on Amazon in paperback under the title of The Book of Tropes for $9.95. It is also available in Kindle format for $5.99.

Deesis

Deesis (de’-e-sis): An adjuration (solemn oath) or calling to witness; or, the vehement expression of desire put in terms of “for someone’s sake” or “for God’s sake.”

DT: I swear by all that’s holy that I did not know about the bounties.

NP: Ok. What is “all that’s holy?”

DT: Money, young babes, and money, and more, lot’s more, money.

NP: Where’s God in your list? Is God there?

DT: No, God’s a bigger con than me. Ha Ha. Just kidding.

NP: I believe you knew about the bounties and ignored them in exchange for some young (Russian) women in your suite at Mar-A-Lago and a big pay off. We have surveillance video of you in bed with couple of women. Although you seem to be asleep, there you are.

DT: Fake news.

NP: The truth.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

The Daily Trope is available on Amazon in paperback under the title of The Book of Tropes for $9.95. It is also available in Kindle format for $5.99.

Deesis

Deesis (de’-e-sis): An adjuration (solemn oath) or calling to witness; or, the vehement expression of desire put in terms of “for someone’s sake” or “for God’s sake.”

Bozo: I swear on my mother’s grave that I would never cheat on you baby. You mean the world to me. For God’s sake, you’ve got to believe me.

Other: Your mother’s in the next room watching Jeopardy on TV. She’s alive. How can you swear on her grave?

Bozo: Oh–hmm–I should’ve said her burial plot.

Other: Where’s her burial plot?

Bozo: Well, I actually haven’t bought it yet. Here’s the brochure. I could swear on the brochure. Is that good enough for you baby?

Other: No, and who is that woman sitting next your mother on the couch?

Bozo: Um well, she’d an old friend. She stopped by to use the bathroom and decided to stay and watch TV with my mother. Don’t worry, there’s nothing between us–except you and my mother–ha ha ha.

Other: Have a good life Bozo. Good bye.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

The Daily Trope is available on Amazon in paperback under the title of The Book of Tropes for $9.95. It is also available in Kindle format for $5.99.

Deesis

Deesis (de’-e-sis): An adjuration (solemn oath) or calling to witness; or, the vehement expression of desire put in terms of “for someone’s sake” or “for God’s sake.”

For God’s sake, slow down! There’s no way I want to die in a traffic accident on my way to the mall.

I swear, if you don’t slow down, I’ll call 911 on my cellphone and have you arrested!

  • Post you own deesis on the “Comments” page!

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Deesis

Deesis (de’-e-sis): An adjuration (solemn oath) or calling to witness; or, the vehement expression of desire put in terms of “for someone’s sake” or “for God’s sake.”

I swear by the hood ornament on my Rolls, if you don’t eat your caviar I will ground you for a fortnight, spank little Oodles with my cricket bat and show your soiled linens to your school chums!

  • Post you own deesis on the “Comments” page!

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

 

Deesis

Deesis (de’-e-sis): An adjuration (solemn oath) or calling to witness; or, the vehement expression of desire put in terms of “for someone’s sake” or “for God’s sake.”

If elected President, I swear in the name of everything I hold near and dear that I will lower taxes, build a fence around Arizona, and work tirelessly to Michigan-size every tree in the United States of America with chainsaws made in the USA, fueled by Alaska, Texas, Louisiana, and New Jersey, and operated by non-union workers for minimum wage!

  • Post you own deesis on the “Comments” page!

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Deesis

Deesis (de’-e-sis): An adjuration (solemn oath) or calling to witness; or, the vehement expression of desire put in terms of “for someone’s sake” or “for God’s sake.”

For the sake of the the planet, stop the offshore drilling!

  • Post you own deesis on the “Comments” page!

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Deesis

Deesis (de’-e-sis) An adjuration (solemn oath) or calling to witness; or, the vehement expression of desire put in terms of “for someone’s sake” or “for God’s sake.”

Please, for the sake of the children–for God’s sake–stop driving like a maniac! Slow down!

  • Post you own deesis on the “Comments” page!

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)