Category Archives: ampliatio

Ampliatio

Ampliatio (am’-pli-a’-ti-o): Using the name of something or someone before it has obtained that name or after the reason for that name has ceased. A form of epitheton.


What’s in a name? Nothing. Rascal by any other name would still smell like a transfer station. Sure, we could’ve named him Stinker or Stenchy, but we named him Rascal when he was a puppy, before he started to smell like rotted durian. Some people’s eyes water when they come over for a drink, even if we’ve emptied a couple of cans of Glade on the couch and put Rascal and his dog bed in the back yard, in the garden shed. We have talked about tying a rope around his neck, tying a rock at the bottom of the rope, and throwing him into Watson’s Creek. But we couldn’t—we actually started crying and quit the conversation, put on our air filters and gave him a hug. We would never part with Rascal, no matter what. But we wanted to do something about his smell.

That night, I Googled “dogs that stink.” There was an ad, among the other hits, for “Sweet Zephyr Dog Destinkification.” They claimed they could make the worst stinking dogs in the world odor free. They were located in Calais, France. All I could think was that France is known for producing the world’s most fragrant fragrances. They had to be legit. We put down the $500.00 deposit, made the arrangements for shipping Rascal and getting him into the country legally, and bought our plane tickets. As a joke, we started calling Rascal Shalimar, anticipating his new French connection.

We travelled by train from Paris to Calais and took a taxi to Sweet Zephyr Dog Destinkification. When we arrived we saw Shalimar beyond the reception desk behind a glass enclosure. We met Dr. Fromage and he told us us that Shalimar was the most disgustingly stinky dog he had ever encountered. We were worried, but the Doctor assured us that he could render Shalimar odorless. We had no idea what the procedure for doing so was, but we trusted Dr. Fromage.

The day came. Shalimar was led by three air-filter-wearing orderlies, followed by Dr. Fromage, into the brightly lit operating theatre. The doors closed and we waited nearly a hour before the Doctor came out and told us everything was fine and that Shalimar was sleeping quietly on a comfy dog bed. We picked him up the next day and there was no smell! However, his tail was missing and there was a bandage where it used to be. We asked Dr. Fromage why Shalimar’s tail had been amputated. He looked surprised. “I thought I told you, Shalimar was suffering from a case of ‘Angry Tail’ where the tail rebels and produces a stenchq. We are not sure why the tail rebels, but we believe it is some kind of jealousy—it never gets petted like the rest of the dog, yet with its wagging, it attracts petting to the head—scratching behind the ears, etc. Most tails see their wagging as a sort teamwork with the body. But anyway, Shalimar is fixed now! Just put some Neosporin on his stump twice a day for the next two weeks and he’ll heal up nicely.

Shalimar has been odor-free for five years. Being tailless does not make much of a difference to him. He still wiggles his butt back and forth as a kind of wag. When he does that, we pet only his butt and leave the rest of him alone.


Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Buy a print edition of The Daily Trope! The print edition is entitled The Book of Tropes and is available on Amazon for $9.99.

Ampliatio

Ampliatio (am’-pli-a’-ti-o): Using the name of something or someone before it has obtained that name or after the reason for that name has ceased. A form of epitheton.


Before

Hey Genius! You’re going to be the smartest PhD ever. Astrophysics? Electrical Engineering? History. Math? Creative Writing? When you’re old enough to talk, we can figure it out. In the meantime, I’ve gotten you some toys: a rubber squeaky star, a big battery pillow for your cribby, an antique rattle, a toy calculator, and “The Three Little Pigs” book I can read to you: a great work of literature.

After

Hey Handsome! Pull your blubber butt up over here. I remember, back in the day you rivaled David Bowie for adoration. A new girl every week. You were something else. You even had hair and all your teeth. Too bad corn on the cob is on the menu. The reunion organizers should’ve thought of people like you. Our lives have morphed. I’m an artist—I paint in acrylics and pull in half a million per year doing portraits and landscapes around the world. I understand you’re a night manager at Burger King. I bet you smell like a cheeseburger when you go home. Too bad about your wife taking off with the exterminator.

Oh well, things change as time goes by. If you lost 100 pounds and got a hair transplant, maybe you could regain some of your cred. Oh, when did you get out of prison?


Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Buy a print edition of The Daily Trope! The print edition is entitled The Book of Tropes and is available on Amazon for $9.99.

Ampliatio

Ampliatio (am’-pli-a’-ti-o): Using the name of something or someone before it has obtained that name or after the reason for that name has ceased. A form of epitheton.


(1) Hey Killer!

I can see it in your eyes and the way you lash out at anybody who criticizes you—like the guy who called you out for trying to push him out of line at the vaccine clinic. You fondled your knife and looked like you were going to stab him in the back.

I don’t know where your uncontrollable anger comes from, but I know where it’s going take you. Before you kill somebody, you should get some help or I’ll be calling you Killer when I come to visit you in prison, and the name will fit.

Oh my God! Put down the gun! I was kidding. You are . . .

(2) How’s it goin’ Wild Man?

Those were the days—acid, grass, up all night, sleep all day! What’s up these days? I know they call you Father—the starched collar is a dead giveaway. Your pupils aren’t dilated either! Now, you just take a big slug of wine on Sundays, a far cry from the nightly bottle of Old Grandad we used to steal from the liquor store and share under the bridge down by the river. Ha ha!

I’m looking for a benefactor to invest some money in my start-up website, “Boppin’ Mamas.” Given our past, I think you’re a perfect candidate for a little front money. Get my drift Father Wild Man? We don’t want our past to be today’s front page news! Do we?

Oh Jesus, no! Ow! Stop for God’s sake! Put down the Chalice! Can’t you see? I’m bleeding all over—no, no, I was just kid. . .


Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Buy a print edition of The Daily Trope! The print edition is entitled The Book of Tropes and is available on Amazon for $9.99.

Ampliatio

Ampliatio (am’-pli-a’-ti-o): Using the name of something or someone before it has obtained that name or after the reason for that name has ceased. A form of epitheton.

(1) Hi Mom!

Two more months and there will be a baby crying somewhere in your house! I’m sure he or she won’t cry for long. You’re going to make a wonderful mother!

(2) Hi-dee ho! Junky Joe!

I know you’ve been off drugs for 30 years, but I just can’t forget seeing you passed out anywhere you could get a needle into your arm–back rooms, front rooms, alleyways, dumpsters, parks, public restrooms, parking lots. It was disgusting. I’m so sorry I have such a hard time erasing those images from my mind and seeing you for who you’ve become; working in the White House and helping to make America great again. I should be congratulating you instead of mocking you. Even though you’ve never served in the military, I think you’ll make a great Secretary of the Navy! Good luck!

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Buy a print edition of The Daily Trope! The print edition is entitled The Book of Tropes and is available on Amazon for $9.99.

Ampliatio

Ampliatio (am’-pli-a’-ti-o): Using the name of something or someone before it has obtained that name or after the reason for that name has ceased. A form of epitheton.

(1) Hello Doctor!

Six more months and you’ll be official! Wishing you luck with the remainder of your studies! As your father, I want to be your first official patient! Nothing serious–just a physical examination!

(2) Hey Speedy!

I think it’s a great idea that you’ve decided to start an aggressive diet and exercise program! Lose 100 pounds and you’ll be back at the head of the pack–like you were in high school. The way you ran the 50-yard dash–wow! You certainly earned your nickname back in the day!

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Ampliatio

Ampliatio (am’-pli-a’-ti-o): Using the name of something or someone before it has obtained that name or after the reason for that name has ceased. A form of epitheton.

(1) Nite nite my wonderful wife! Just think–tomorrow morning we’ll be married! I can’t wait! Tomorrow night calling you my wonderful wife will be a dream come true! Talk to you in the morning! Is it really possible to get married on SKYPE?

(2) Stop calling me “Captain Thruster.” The last time I thrusted was when I jumped out of the way when you almost ran me over in the driveway! And I peed my pants too!   Why don’t you just call me “Private Noodle” and bring me another martini and some nachos? Where the hell are my glasses? Dammit!

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

 

Ampliatio

Ampliatio (am’-pli-a’-ti-o): Using the name of something or someone before it has obtained that name or after the reason for that name has ceased. A form of epitheton.

(1) Good morning Ms. President! Mommy and Daddy will be so proud. Here’s your lunch. Have fun at school! Bye bye Ms. President!

(2) Stop calling me “Studly.” Those days are gone forever. Why don’t you just call me “Quits” and bring me another beer and a bowl of chips?  Who farted?

  • Post your own ampliatio on the “Comments” page!

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Ampliatio

Ampliatio (am’-pli-a’-ti-o): Using the name of something or someone before it has obtained that name or after the reason for that name has ceased. A form of epitheton.

Even though he’s 45 years old, 5 feet 8 inches tall and weighs 240 pounds, I still call him Skinny Boy. It isn’t about his age or his height and weight, it’s about Skinny Boy and the great times we had as kids–back when, if he turned sideways and stuck out his tongue, he looked like a zipper!

. . .

Hey, Skinny Boy,  it’s great to see you again after all these years–high school was insane! What’ve you been up to? You put on a few pounds!

Post your own ampliatio on the “Comments” page!

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Ampliatio

Ampliatio (am’-pli-a’-ti-o): Using the name of something or someone before it has obtained that name or after the reason for that name has ceased. A form of epitheton.

Even though he served his jail sentence and is now happily married with four wonderful children, as far as I’m concerned, he’ll always be Bigamist Bill.

  • Post your own ampliatio on the “Comments” page!

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).