Category Archives: apophasis

Apophasis

Apophasis (a-pof’-a-sis): The rejection of several reasons why a thing should or should not be done and affirming a single one, considered most valid.


Life is made of decisions. Some more complicated than others. Some more urgent then others. Some escape consciousness altogether, like walking—a series of small steps that take you somewhere—you may call it a habit because you don’t “feel it,” you just go. Maybe we could say that a habit is a foregone decision, but I’m not sure I know what I’m talking about. I guess a traditional decision happens when something needs to change—it may involve the reconsideration of your habitual way, or dealing with something that pops up in your life, has a degree of urgency, can’t be ignored, is absent a clear-cut plan for its resolution, and appears to be amenable to choice—that you can and should do something about it. The challenge is manifest in pros and cons, and their relative weight in the particular case of judgment which is about coming to a decision founded on pros and cons, which include, in addition to empirically verifiable facts, feelings and emotions pertinent to the judgment: you may decide to drink a glass of milk because it is good for you. You may decide not to drink a glass of milk because you don’t like how it tastes. There’s more to it than this, but it’s good enough for me, or I’m pretty sure it’s good enough for me as I change the kind of underpants I wear.

I have been wearing tighty whities since the beginning of time. I have never used the pee pee fly. It is completely useless. Why is it there? As I’ve gotten older, my tighty whities have started to pinch my crotch and make it itch. The only way I can relieve the itch with my pants on is to pull down on my pants crotch and squirm around. Very embarassing.

So I checked out boxers. They have a nice accessible pee pee slit. Highly functional. And if you want, you can pull them down from the top. They are made from light weight cotton, silk, or super light synthetics, not dish towel weight material like the tighty whities. Given their light weight, you can pack more underpants when you travel—a real plus. They aren’t as absorbent as tighty whities, which may cause problems when you have an extra drop of pee pee that does not make it to the urinal and shows up on the front of your pants as a little wet circle.

The other alternative is to go commando. You will save the cost of underpants entirely, have less laundry, and feel tougher as a man—ancient warriors wore no underpants. However, the embarrassing pee pee spot is still a possibility, unless you wear blue jeans all the time. The heavyweight denim will absorb your little boo boos every time.

I am not going to lay out the pros and cone of each kind of underpants (or none). I think it should be clear. Oh, by the way, I considered the jock strap, but that’s so “out there” it didn’t warrant consideration.

I’m going to go commando. I wear blue jeans all the time. I will be burning my tighty whities this afternoon.


Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Paper and E-versions of the Daily Trope are available on Amazon under the title The Book of Tropes.

Apophasis

Apophasis (a-pof’-a-sis): The rejection of several reasons why a thing should or should not be done and affirming a single one, considered most valid.


Should I return from the dead?

Pro:

1. I can walk around.

2. I can go to Smitty’s Topless Cork Popper, my favorite entertainment venue. (I still have one eye)

3. I can get my neighbor Rosco who shot me through the heart when he caught me with his wife. Yes, he killed me, and only got 6 months!

4. I can play with my dog Blither. He’s a purebred Poodle/Great Dane mix.

Hmm. I can’t think of anything else.

Cons:

1. I smell like rotting flesh.

2. My suit is stained and crawling with some kind of worms.

3. My appearance will horrify people. I’m not even up yet, but my left arm is coming lose.

4. I will probably want to eat everybody’s brains. This will be rude, especially to my wife and daughter.

Well, there I have it. Sadly, I can’t make up my mind. Maybe I should do a trial run to see how it works out. I could do some lurking down by the river, where people meet for speed trysts, or I could find Rosco and tear off his head. Yes! Rosco it is. He put me here and he can join me. He’ll be at Smitty’s. I’ll make him pole dance before I kill him.


Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Paper and E-versions of the Daily Trope are available on Amazon under the title The Book of Tropes.

Apophasis

Apophasis (a-pof’-a-sis): The rejection of several reasons why a thing should or should not be done and affirming a single one, considered most valid.


Should I burn down my house?

1. My neighbors will feel sorry for me: Ha ha! They hate me.

2. The flames will be beautiful to look at and smell like a campfire: sounds wimpy.

3. The ugly living room couch will finally be history: good reason, but not good enough, and it might survive given federal regulations requiring furniture to be fireproofed.

4. I’ll be on the TV news and the internet too: only if I get caught! Bad!

5. I will collect the insurance money: yeah, bingo—collect the insurance money! I’ll move to Costa Rica—no extradition!

I’m headed to the garage to get the gas can. Damn! It’s empty and I don’t have any lighters, or even matches. Now, I’ll have to go to Cliff’s, get some wooden matches and fill my gas can. Hmm, while I’m there I might as well get some scratch-off Take Five lotto tickets, and a pizza, a couple of Diet Cokes, some windshield washer, toilet paper, sunglasses, deodorant, gum, and a pair of socks.

You know, burning down my house may not be a good idea. Even if I collect the insurance money, I will probably get caught, go to jail, and not be able to shop at Cliff’s any more. That would be hell. So, I’m going thumbs down on the arson thing and I’m headed to Cliff’s to do a little shopping. I wonder what color socks I should get?


Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Paper and E-versions of the Daily Trope are available on Amazon under the title The Book of Tropes.

Apophasis

Apophasis (a-pof’-a-sis): The rejection of several reasons why a thing should or should not be done and affirming a single one, considered most valid.

Should I get another hamster?

1. No–I have too many hamsters all ready–7 should be enough!

2. No–there’s a constant sound of hamster wheels whirling in the background of my life. Adding more will drive me insane.

3. No–their health insurance is astronomical: $22.00 with a huge deductible for the MetLife Rodent Plan.

4. No–they are very prolific–I have to have separate cages for males and females.

Ah, what the hell. I think I’ll get 3 more. The way they look at me with their big bulgy dark eyes makes all their drawbacks fade into nothing!

Headed to the Pet Store! I’ll buy some hamster food & definitely some of those little hamster hats too!

Uh oh–last problem: I’m running out of names.

I’ll start using numbers!

Problem solved!

Eight, Nine, and Ten, I’m coming to get you!

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Apophasis

Apophasis (a-pof’-a-sis): The rejection of several reasons why a thing should or should not be done and affirming a single one, considered most valid.

Should I get another tattoo?

1. No. Three are enough.

2. No. My wife will hit me with a garden tool.

3. No. I’m too old for another tattoo.

So, I guess not.

Hmmm. Wait a minute–I’ve changed my mind. I really, really, really want another tattoo, and wanting another one is a good enough reason for me.

Why else would you get a tattoo?

Now, I’ve got to figure out what it’s going to be and where to put it. Major challenge.

Post your own apophasis on the “Comments” page!

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

 

Apophasis

Apophasis (a-pof’-a-sis): The rejection of several reasons why a thing should or should not be done and affirming a single one, considered most valid.

Should I mow the lawn right now?  1. Do I have the time? Not really. 2. Does the lawn actually need mowing right now? Not really.  3. Did I just take delivery of a new red lawn tractor with four-wheel drive, a 60-inch mower deck, air-conditioned cab, and an i-pod dock?  Yes. So, should I mow the lawn right now? What are you nuts? Of course I should!

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Apophasis

Apophasis (a-pof’-a-sis): The rejection of several reasons why a thing should or should not be done and affirming a single one, considered most valid.

When he told her she had to sit at the back of the bus, she could have simply complied; but compliance with injustice perpetuates it. When he told her she had to sit at the back of the bus, she could have stepped off the bus and walked away; but walking away from evil leaves it lashing at those who remain. So, she held her place–she held her seat.  And abiding in a higher law that’s written in all of our hearts, she faced wickedness with resistance–with courage and dignity.  And on that day she showed us what it takes to deliver ourselves from tyranny.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)