Asphalia


Asphalia (as-fay’-li-a): Offering oneself as a guarantee, usually for another.


You know me: Johnny Limbo. My motto is “How low can you go?” That’s what I ask my clients before I loan them money & we’re not talking about interest rates. Mike, here, will do anything to get a few bucks from me to support his La Bonnotte Potato habit. At $320 per pound you gotta have the money. Mike knows what he likes.

Sometimes it takes a little ‘prodding’ to get my loan payment from Mike, but he hasn’t left town or tried to kill me. That stub where his left pinky used to be shows what he’ll go through to keep his promises.

Extremely trustworthy. Kind of cautious. Got the eyes of a Potato. Ha! Ha! That was a joke.

Bottom line: Mike needs a job. You give him a job and I’ll make sure he takes care of business—mine and yours. Since he’ll be using his hands for work, I’ll start focusing my disciplinary measures on his feet.

Remember, this is Johnny Limbo vouching for Mike. My word is like a gun aimed at your head.


Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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