Tag Archives: rhetoric

Meiosis

Meiosis (mei-o’-sis): Reference to something with a name disproportionately lesser than its nature (a kind of litotes). This term is equivalent to tapinosis.

It was time to pan fry the catfish I caught in the river across from the “Jack and the Beanstalk” fertilizer factory!

This was no ordinary catfish and pan frying was not exactly what I was going to do. The fish was so big that I had use my front loader to scoop it up and drive it home from the river. As soon as I got it home, I built a huge bonfire, laced with petrochemicals to get it going fast. I cleaned the fish with a chainsaw. Then, I lowered the front loader’s bucket into the roaring flames. When it was red hot, I raised it out of the fire, backed up and scooped up the fish. Then, with my mouth watering I pulled forward and lowered little kitty-kitty-fish into the eight-foot flames.

The explosion blew apart my front loader. I woke up in a drainage ditch across the street from my home. All of its windows were shattered.

I was soaking wet. I was covered with wriggling mosquito larvae and blown up catfish parts.  My ears were ringing, my nose was bleeding and a charred pectoral fin the size of a canoe paddle was sticking out of the left cheek of my bashed up butt.

I felt a pang of hunger. It triggered the first thought that squeezed through my swollen brain: “Beaver Brand Tatar Sauce.” Inspired, I dragged myself across the street, over the curb, over the broken glass, into the smoking double-wide, toward what was left of my kitchen. “Beaver, beaver, beaver” I moaned.

The next thing I knew, the angel with the black and yellow stun gun . . .

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Mempsis

Mempsis (memp’-sis): Expressing complaint and seeking help.

Hello world! I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!

The Alert gizmo my daughter pinned to my robe is fake! When I press the button with the red flag on it plays a ring tone and sings “Arise! Arise! Arise!” Although I find this very inspirational while I’m on my back here on the floor, I actually need somebody to help me arise, arise, arise.

I’m glad I have my iPhone in my pocket. 911 is a life saver!

“Hello 911? I’ve fallen and I need immediate assistance so I can arise, arise, arise. Yes, I’m sure it’ll take three tries, so please dispatch a paramedic strong enough to lift a baby minke. My address is . . .”

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Merismus

Merismus (mer-is’-mus): The dividing of a whole into its parts.

On a typical clock time is divided into hours, minutes, and seconds. Time consciousness is another thing altogether.

But more importantly, being unconscious of time (the past, the present, and the future; the hours, minutes, and seconds; the years, the months, the weeks and the days; the birthdays, the anniversaries, and the recurring rituals bound by cultured increments meting out patterns that punctuate, articulate, and constitute social seasons and their knocks of opportunity) one may encounter the goddess Ananke seated in the beat of one’s heart.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Mesarchia

Mesarchia (mes-ar’-chi-a): The repetition of the same word or words at the beginning and middle of successive sentences.

Truth is a chain wound around your soul, eternally binding your will to be otherwise.

Truth is a dagger driven deep into your soul, eternally excising ignorance, and tragically bleeding out its hot misty bliss.

Truth is an immortal warrior that recruits your soul, eternally marching it toward its unwavering goal, achieving victory on wine-colored fields drenched by the wounds of infidels.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Mesodiplosis

Mesodiplosis (mes-o-dip-lo’-sis): Repetition of the same word or words in the middle of successive sentences.

I heard my conscience calling and it told me to apologize. I listened to my conscience calling and I apologized.

I’m glad I got the “My Conscience Calling” app for my iPhone. It’s free and it has repeatedly settled my troubled soul.

The only problem with the app itself  is that before “My Conscience Calling” calls, you’ve got to text “My Conscience Calling” (622) and leave a TWEET-sized message explaining your vexation. But that’s a minor hassle because in under 30 seconds “My Conscience Calling” texts you back with an answer! The ring tone sounds like thunder and the iPhone flashes on and off like lightening.

It’s like having the Wizard of Oz in your pocket!

No more sleepless nights spent anguishing!

Flush the Lunesta!

Spit out the ZZZQuil!

When I hear my conscience calling, I know everything’s going to be all right!

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Mesozeugma

Mesozeugma (me’-so-zyoog’-ma): A zeugma in which one places a common verb for many subjects in the middle of a construction.

6.00am came and went, then 11.00am, then 5.00pm, then 10.00pm. At midnight he thought, “What happened to 7,8,9 and all the rest?”

Out of the corner of his eye he noticed a large brown hiking boot standing on his pillow. He rolled over to face it. It had no foot in it, but there was a folded-up piece of paper tucked between its tongue and red and black laces. He started to shiver.

Midnight went. 2.00am came and went, then 4.00am, then 7.00am, then something started pressing on the back of his left leg. It felt like a warm crayon–waxy, dull, slightly sticky. It was prompting him to grab the piece of paper from the boot!

He pulled the paper from the hiking boot. Shaking with fear, he carefully unfolded it. To his surprise a tiny bright yellow plastic Sponge Bob popped out and landed face up on his bedspread.

He was thrilled.

He never imagined that he would be the recipient of a well-crafted miniature genuine plastic version of THE Sponge Bob. THE Sponge Bob he adored and watched every afternoon from the beat-up couch in his basement with his little orange cat Crowbar nestled by his side.

“What’s the occasion?” he wondered.

“What’s that smell?” he asked himself.

His bed was on fire and Sponge Bob . . .

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Metabasis

Metabasis (me-ta’-ba-sis): A transitional statement in which one explains what has been and what will be said.

Now that we’ve explained the three key advantages of being a crack smoking mayor, we’re going to show you how they pertain to Mayor Rob Ford, a strong proponent of getting high in office, overeating,  and providing generous subsidies to struggling drug lords.

First, . . .

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Metalepsis

Metalepsis (me-ta-lep’-sis): Reference to something by means of another thing that is remotely related to it, either through a farfetched causal relationship, or through an implied intermediate substitution of terms. Often used for comic effect through its preposterous exaggeration. A metonymical substitution of one word for another which is itself figurative.

Tomorrow, I’m headed to San Fransisco to get my heart back. Please remind me not to leave it there again!

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Metallage

Metallage (me-tal’-la-gee): When a word or phrase is treated as an object within another expression.

If you’ve been watching the news you’re probably puzzled by what “negotiation” means in Ukraine.

Here are some possibilities:

Shoot-a-Mayor

Tank you

Rubber Bumpy Borders

Drivin’ that train over Ukraine

Don’t Cry for Me Crimea

Your dodomu my dodomu. Get out.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Metaphor

Metaphor (met’-a-phor): A comparison made by referring to one thing as another.

I am a birthday card lost in the mail.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Metaplasm

Metaplasm (met’-a-plazm): A general term for orthographical figures (changes to the spelling of words). This includes alteration of the letters or syllables in single words, including additions, omissions, inversions, and substitutions. Such changes are considered conscious choices made by the artist or orator for the sake of eloquence or meter, in contrast to the same kinds of changes done accidentally and discussed by grammarians as vices (see barbarism). See: antisthecon, aphaeresis, apocope, epenthesis, paragoge, synaloepha.

Oh my heavens! That’s fantabulastic! It’s the weirfeakendeirdest carrot I’ve ever seen! I cannyant wait to tell Ned Flanders!

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Metastasis

Metastasis (me-tas’-ta-sis): Denying and turning back on your adversaries arguments used against you.

You say I’m evil because I eat meat. From alligator to zebra, from zorilla to agouti, I’ll never be a vegetarian! You say you’re a vegetarian and that’s what gives you the right to condemn me. I don’t know about the logic of that claim, but since when is rabbit a vegetable?

Here’s a picture of you taken yesterday inhaling braised honey mustard bunny at Chez Bonaparte! Come on Mr. Beet-head get down off your high hors d’oeuvre! Come out from behind that lettuce and let us know the truth: You are an omnivore!

You can criticize me all day long, but don’t vest your credibility in a lie!

I have one last thing to say to you: You’re BAAhhhhhhd!

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Metonymy

Metonymy (me-ton’-y-my): Reference to something or someone by naming one of its attributes. [This may include effects or any of the four Aristotelian causes {efficient/maker/inventor, material, formal/shape, final/purpose}.]

I’ll pay with plastic. How much is one round? Do you have balls?

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Definition courtesy of “Sliva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu). Bracketed text added by Gorgias.

Ominatio

Ominatio (o-mi-na’-ti-o): A prophecy of evil.

Lo, I say unto to you: putteth down thine milk that is chocolate and shaken!

Forsake thine onion-crowned patty of steer!

Lo, I say unto you: if you fail to heed my healthful commandments thine tallow clogged heart will halt its pulsing and thou shalt surely becometh deceased!

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Onedismus

Onedismus (on-e-dis’-mus): Reproaching someone for being impious or ungrateful.

You seem to think you’re the world’s greatest living autodidact! You credit yourself for everything you allegedly know. Have you ever heard of, or used, the words “gratitude” or “grateful” with anybody but your own reflection in a mirror? Whenever you talk about the role of other people in your life and the influence they’ve exerted, you blame them as though they’ve all screwed you up somehow!

The quality of your life would change in a positive way if you could LEARN to recognize the benefits you’ve derived from people who care about you, have nurtured you, and yes, who have taught you!

Who’s the first person you’re going to thank?

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.ed).

Onomatopoeia

Onomatopoeia (on-o-mat-o-pee’-a): Using or inventing a word whose sound imitates that which it names (the union of phonetics and semantics).

YOU: I think I can. I think I can. I think can.  Choo-choo. Wah wah.

ME: You’re not a train. Get back in the house! Put your pants on! Give me that conductor’s hat! You’re a disgrace.

YOU: Alllllll aboard! Next stop Rehab City. Allllllll aboard!

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Optatio

Optatio (op-ta’-ti-o): Expressing a wish, often ardently.

ME: I wish you would stop making that whistling noise–it’s driving me crazy!!  We’re going to have to get your nose fixed or give you away.

YOU: Don’t talk to Nummy that way. Look, you made him pee on the carpet.

ME: I’m so sorry Nummy. Let’s go to the doggie park so you can play with your friends. Here’s a treat!

YOU: Don’t forget to clean the carpet.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetorica” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Orcos

Orcos (or’-kos): Swearing that a statement is true.

Z: I swear on a stack of bacon that I did not touch your grill.

X: What about my lawn tractor?

Z: I swear on a pile of mulch that I did not sit on your lawn tractor.

X: What about my hummingbird feeder?

Z: You got me! I poured red nectar on my pancakes and I feel like humming and building a tiny nest.

X: Hello, 911?

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Oxymoron

Oxymoron (ox-y-mo’-ron): Placing two ordinarily opposing terms adjacent to one another. A compressed paradox.

Ukraine is the victim of a proxy invasion. Russia is joyously worried. The UK is boldly hesitant. The US is sharply unfocused. The EU is coldly boiling. NATO is inactively springing into inactivity. The UN is filing for bankruptcy.

What’s next?

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Paenismus

Paenismus (pai-nis’-mus): Expressing joy for blessings obtained or an evil avoided.

Oh Botox! You maketh my brow to rise upward. You restoreth my visage. Yea, tho I walk in the shadow of the valley of wrinkles I feel pretty good.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Palilogia

Palilogia (pa-li-lo’-gi-a): Repetition of the same word, with none between, for vehemence. Synonym for epizeuxis.

Blah! Blah! Blah! All day long.  Blah! Blah! Blah! I could do for some yack yack! How about a little yack yack?

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Parabola

Parabola (par-ab’-o-la): The explicit drawing of a parallel between two essentially dissimilar things, especially with a moral or didactic purpose. A parable.

The crocus is the first to bloom and the first to wither.

Accordingly, sometimes being last is best.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Paragoge

Paragoge (par-a-go’-ge): The addition of a letter or syllable to the end of a word. A kind of metaplasm.

Fox News follows the principle of Foxspindoxa: The expectation that anchor Bill O’Reilly’s spin will be echoed day and night by network affiliates for a minimum of 12 hours, and/or be immediately replaced when a concurrent spin is spun by Bill within the 12-hour period.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Paralipsis (par-a-lip’-sis): Stating and drawing attention to something in the very act of pretending to pass it over (see also cataphasis). A kind of irony.

I am not going to mention the fact that you had a bag full of Russian rubles and a half-eaten kulebyáka when you were caught throwing rocks at the Luhansk Security Services Building yesterday. The tattoo of shirtless Putin driving a tank on the back of your neck isn’t worth mentioning either. Why should we believe you’re a hired provocateur? Unthinkable! Impossible!

Take him back to his cell!

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Paramythia

Paramythia (pa-ra-mee’-thi-a): An expression of consolation and encouragement.

So, you didn’t change the world overnight. But, there’s a difference between overnight and over a lifetime. Set your vision farther forward and follow the path of giants–of Mahatma, Martin, and Nelson; of Aung, Corazon, and Nadezhda and the all the women and men who made it their life’s work to work for social, political, and economic change. Now, adjust your vision and get back to work. The future is undetermined.  Time is on your side.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)