Tag Archives: paramythia

Paramythia

Paramythia (pa-ra-mee’-thi-a): An expression of consolation and encouragement.


“Now, now honey, it’s not like it’s the end of the world.” I said, trying to console my wife Roxie. Then I realized it was probably the end of the world. Smoke filled the air. Sirens were blaring. My neighbors were eating their dog Sarah right there on front lawn. It was disgusting and fascinating at the same time. Mel was holding Sarah, their little dog, like corn on the cob, spinning and chomping like he was at a summer picnic. Mel’s wife Gloria was chewing on Sarah’s tail. Mel had always treated her like a second-class citizen—even eating their dog together, Gloria got the short end of the stick. She didn’t mind though, she had already chewed off half Sarah’s tail, and was still going strong, with bloody fur on her chin and no sign of slowing down. I couldn’t stop looking out the window at the carnage—little Ricky Ranker standing in the street, licking his headless hamster like it was an ice cream cone. Then, there was Grandma Tuttle with what looked like a finger in a hot dog bun. She was squirting mustard on it and looking at it like it was some kind of religious icon.

I was on the verge of vomiting when there was a knock on the door that quickly turned into pounding. Without opening the door, I asked who was there. “Police, open up!” The voice sounded like it was talking with it’s mouth full. Normally, I would’ve thought it was a donut, but given that it was the end of the world, it was probably a piece of the guy across the street who I could see through the window, holding his arm and screaming. So I looked through the front door’s peephole and saw my friend Bill, a police officer. He had blood down the front of his shirt and was holding my bank teller’s severed head by her hair, swinging it back and forth by his side like it was a bleeding bowling ball.

“Bill! I think you want to eat me and Roxie—you’ve always looked at her like she made you hungry, but I thought is was sexual. But now, I see it isn’t. You want to make her into some kind of human rainbow roll, smear on some wasabi, and eat her along with shots of sake. What the hell happened to you?” He yelled through the door: “I don’t know Goddamnit. I went to bed, got up and put on my uniform, and ate the bank teller, and now I want to eat you and Roxie, especially Roxie. My mouth’s watering and my stomach’s growling like a mad dog. Open the damn door, or I’ll shoot my way in.” He was lying—he had an axe and started chopping his way through the door. I wondered why he hadn’t just broken the picture window and climbed through. I didn’t have time to ask. I could see the axe’s blade tearing through the door. I ran into the kitchen where Roxie was, but she wasn’t there. I didn’t blame her for taking off on me. It might save her life. Just then, Officer Bill broke through the front door. I ran as fast as I could out the back door. I looked over my shoulder as I ran and caught a glimpse of Bill and Roxie—evidently she had been hiding in the bathroom and he had found her. I felt sick. I got down on my knees and yelled “make it stop!”

And it stopped. I had awakened from yet another one of my mega-nightmares. They were vivid and inevitably apocalyptic. I have been seeing a psychologist to find a way to put an end to what I call ‘My night horrors.” She seems to think the nightmares are triggered by my vegetarianism and abhorrence of meat. Anyway, waking up, I felt like Dorothy arriving back in Kansas. Aside from our neighbor’s worthless dog Sarah’s barking at whatever the hell she barks at, things were quiet and serene. I went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. It was late, but somebody knocked softly on the front door. Trixie came downstairs fully dressed. I noticed she was carrying a suitcase. She opened the door. It was my friend Bill the policeman. “Shhh” she said and went out the door, and quietly closed it behind them.

This is the end of the world,” I sobbed as I thought of all the ways I could kill, and possibly, eat Trixie and Bill..


Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Paramythia

Paramythia (pa-ra-mee’-thi-a): An expression of consolation and encouragement.


Every time I think of you, I feel your pain. You have suffered far too much. You didn’t deserve what you were handed. Every time I think of it I want to get on a plane together and fly somewhere far away from here. I know how much you wanted to go to graduate school in UMASS’s Mathematics distance learning program. When you got the rejection, I couldn’t stand it when you started crying and pounding on the ground. It was a well-earned emotional earthquake. Tearing out your hair is what I expected, a perfect expression of your emotion’s depth and breadth. When you threw your cellphone on the ground, it was an act of defiance signifying your unwillingness to capitulate and accept your fate. Bravo!

At this point, I don’t know what more I can do to assuage your pain, and help manage your feelings of rejection and desolation. Thank God I got into my top choice in Harvard’s Astrophysics Ph.D. program with full funding and a parking place outside the lab.

Be optimistic! Keep applying to UMASS. Sooner or later somebody there will take pity on you and let you in. You probably won’t get full funding, but with distance learning, you won’t need parking!


Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Buy a print edition of The Daily Trope! The print edition is entitled The Book of Tropes and is available on Amazon for $9.99. A Kindle edition is available for $5.99.

Paramythiapara

Paramythia (pa-ra-mee’-thi-a): An expression of consolation and encouragement.

So what if you can’t get any legislation passed and the Courts are saying “No, no, no.”

You can still keep on churning out Executive Orders.

The sky is the limit on them! And what we really like is the way you’re dismantling Obama’s legacy! Closing down Cuba travel was a wonderfully insulting move! Don’t stop now! How about morality–how about no hemlines above the knees? No unaccompanied women after 10.00 pm?  Break off diplomatic relations with the UK? Outlaw Fakin’ Bacon–a disgusting liberal substitute for real pig meat.

Give it a shot Donny! What’s to lose?

Executive Orders Rock!  They’re dress rehearsals for your coming dictatorship! Keep ’em coming & and don’t let the federal courts get you down.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Buy a print edition of The Daily Trope! The print edition is entitled The Book of Tropes and is available on Amazon for $9.99.

Paramythia

Paramythia (pa-ra-mee’-thi-a): An expression of consolation and encouragement.

So, you didn’t change the world overnight. But, there’s a difference between overnight and over a lifetime. Set your vision farther forward and follow the path of giants–of Mahatma, Martin, and Nelson; of Aung, Corazon, and Nadezhda and the all the women and men who made it their life’s work to work for social, political, and economic change. Now, adjust your vision and get back to work. The future is undetermined.  Time is on your side.

  • Post your own paramythia on the “Comments” page!

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Paramythia

Paramythia (pa-ra-mee’-thi-a): An expression of consolation and encouragement.

You gave it all you had. There’s only so much you can control. Think of all the good that was accomplished.  Think of all the good things we did from the first day you announced your candidacy. We learned so much. Now, you have so many options. I can’t wait to see what you’re going to do next! Whatever it it is, it’s going to be great!

  • Post your own paramythia on the “Comments” page!

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)