Daily Archives: December 21, 2021


Antanagoge (an’-ta-na’-go-gee): Putting a positive spin on something that is nevertheless acknowledged to be negative or difficult.

The world is drying up, forests are in flames, packs of wild dogs roam what used to be streets. All the freshwater fish are dead and stinking up the air. The butterflies have vanished, cows have stopped producing milk. Inflation is 200%, and people all over world are whining about Armageddon. Wake up you weenies! These are the worst of times, but they are also the best of times.

Every day there are fewer people to compete with for food, clothing and shelter. Let that sink in. As long as you’re not dead, you’re winning. This is a time of great opportunity— I can hear it knocking! Whoops—that was machine gun fire. So what? FOX News is still on the air. If you have electricity you can watch them report from the secret bunker in Queens, NY. They’re showing reruns of Trump’s rallies and his unjust prosecution by a jury—an un-American vestige of so-called justice. Now, we’ve moved on to Kangaroo Courts—an Australian creation named after cute furry marsupials that kick and punch you to death.

Anyway, as your Supreme Dictator, I, The Pillow Man, will do nothing for you. All the talk of a Zombie onslaught can’t be true. Why? Because I don’t believe it. My mother told me not to believe in zombies and that’s the end of it, God rest her soul. Besides, if a zombie eats your brain you become a zombie: instant immortality. Let that sink in: instant immortality. I think that is a positive thing: immortality without having to toe some religious line or go all the way to heaven.

So, the world may be ending, but it’s a new beginning. Get on the gravy train while you still can! Lock and load and make something of yourself!

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

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