Monthly Archives: February 2015

Cataphasis

Cataphasis (kat-af’-a-sis): A kind of paralipsis in which one explicitly affirms the negative qualities that one then passes over.

“Once again, right here, tonight, live on CNN, I am not going to ask Mitch McConnel how he managed to lose control of the Senate and put our nation’s security at risk. I’m not even going to ask him why he has such disrespect for federal employees and such a dysfunctional relationship with the Speaker of the House. I won’t even ask him how he managed to almost lose his last reelection bid.

I’m pretty sure CNN’s viewers already know the answers to those questions!

Now, you asked whether I am going to run for President of the United State of America? That, my friend, you’ll have to ask my psychiatrist! She’s the one who monitors my meds and ties me down at night.”

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

 

Cataplexis

Cataplexis (kat-a-pleex’-is): Threatening or prophesying payback for ill doing.

You left me stranded in the twilight zone somewhere between fire and ice, sugar and spice, nothing good and nothing nice.

Now, I’m parked in a ditch waiting for dawn, somewhere between Hell and your front lawn.  When the sun comes up, you are going down, and just like the light, I won’t make a sound.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Charientismus

Charientismus (kar-i-en-tia’-mus): Mollifying harsh words by answering them with a smooth and appeasing mock.

Sorry! I try my best to do my best to please you, and you try your best to do your best to please you! It’s time for this relationship to stop making you-turns and and try making some me-turns!  Better yet, let’s make a we-turn!

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

 

Chiasmus

Chiasmus (ki-az’-mus): 1. Repetition of ideas in inverted order.  2. Repetition of grammatical structures in inverted order (not to be mistaken with antimetabole, in which identical words are repeated and inverted).

The US Congress is a flock of  reincarnated Dodo birds. Angry vengeful Dodo birds risen from the sand of Maritius!  You roost! You nest! Squatting there, you preen and make your garbled Dodo sounds.

Oh reincarnated Dodos, we see through your retributive ruse!

Shoo! Shoo! Get moving, you dirty bloated birds!

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

 

Chronographia

Chronographia (chro-no-graph’-i-a): Vivid representation of a certain historical or recurring time (such as a season) to create an illusion of reality. A kind of enargia: [the] generic name for a group of figures aiming at vivid, lively description.

My hands feel like meat-clubs. I dropped my keys in the snow. My cat is frozen to the hood of my car. Upstate New York. Winter. I think I’ll have a beer.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu). Bracketed text added by Gorgias.

 

Climax

Climax (cli’-max): Generally, the arrangement of words, phrases, or clauses in an order of increasing importance, often in parallel structure.

Morning arrives and I hear your name. It drums on my head like icy rain.

It pounds my soul in cold dark streams. It smothers what’s left of my heart’s dreams.

Yes, the fire is out but I still see your name. Written in the charred rubble of what feelings remain.

Over and over I burn and I freeze.  My love for you has become a disease.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Coenotes

Coenotes (cee’-no-tees): Repetition of two different phrases: one at the beginning and the other at the end of successive paragraphs. Note: Composed of anaphora and epistrophecoenotes is simply a more specific kind of symploce (the repetition of phrases, not merely words).

Give me a break!

You still don’t believe I love you? Wait to you see what I got you for Valentines Day! Voila!

You still don’t believe I love you? But the hairbrush is made out of wood with real pig bristles! Ok! Ok! Relax! Here we go! Take Two. Voila!

You still don’t believe I love you? But you’ve always wanted a super-wide Swedish spatula! Wait! Wait! Ok. Well, here’s the clincher! Voila!

Yes, yes, yes, now you know I love you! Yes–your very own Fifty Shades of Grey “Please, Sir Flogger!” Now you know why I gave you a hairbrush and a spatula too!

Yup!

Hanky panky spanky time!

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

 

Colon

Colon (ko’-lon): Roughly equivalent to “clause” in English, except that the emphasis is on seeing this part of a sentence as needing completion, either with a second colon (or membrum) or with two others (forming a tricolon). When cola (or membra) are of equal length, they form isocolon.

Colon or membrum is also best understood in terms of differing speeds of style that depend upon the length of the elements of a sentence. The Ad Herennium author contrasts the slower speed of concatenated membra to the quicker speed of words joined together without conjunction (articulus).

I ate; I drank; I farted.

Go in, stay in.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

 

Commoratio

Commoratio (kom-mor-a’-ti-o): Dwelling on or returning to one’s strongest argument. Latin equivalent for epimone.

The Internet is a ‘visible hand’ that releases and captures, captures and releases, displays and replays, replays and displays and strokes and stokes the reckless carnality of the 21st century.

From “I love F***ing Science” to “I love F***ing,” it’s gamut is gut-wrenching.  It prostitutes curiosity. It hollows out the truth. Its censor is psychosis. It cannot be cured.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

 

Comparatio

Comparatio (com-pa-ra’-ti-o): A general term for a comparison, either as a figure of speech or as an argument. More specific terms are generally employed, such as metaphorsimileallegory, etc.

Your argument is like an I3-graded diamond: We give it a 10 (1 being the highest). Its flaws are so numerous and obvious that it is absolutely worthless. A piece of junk. Off to the bin with it!

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

 

Comprobatio

Comprobatio (com-pro-ba’-ti-o): Approving and commending a virtue, especially in the hearers.

Today is a day of cheer and hope for all of you children who’re graduating! It is time for you to be rewarded so your self esteem may blossom, bloom and go to seed, and of course, so our audience members can be here!

On behalf of  The Butterflies & Bluebirds Foreschool for Acceptable Toddlers, I say, “There are no winners or losers at B.B.FAT,  just doers!”

Accordingly, with a big happy face and a knowing wink, I take great pride in awarding all of you clearly acceptable toddlers with a framed parchment B.B.FAT certificate for being Doo Doo Doers and not gloaty winners or whiny losers.  Yes, every single one of you with no exceptions whatsoever will receive this Certificate of  Having Done Lots of Things.

Stay seated! We will hand out your certificates shortly! Stay seated please! Please remain seated!

Now, after you’ve gotten your certificate and had your picture taken with your parent, parents, and/or the person driving you home, go and DO something! Maybe toddle around your living room or make a dumpy? Why? Because you’re a Doo-Doo-Doer!

Doo-Doo, Doo-Doo, Doo-Doo. You’re all Doo-Doo-Doers. And that’s very acceptable!

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

 

Conduplicatio

Conduplicatio (con-du-pli-ca’-ti-o): The repetition of a word or words. A general term for repetition sometimes carrying the more specific meaning of repetition of words in adjacent phrases or clauses. Sometimes used to name either ploce or epizeuxis.

The stars are brightly shining tonight. The stars are pinholes in the shroud of night. Sunrise pulls the shroud away. Sunset pulls it back again. And we, we humans, connect the stars together, tracing imaginative and invisible arcs bridging the gaps of darkness, star by star. Doing so, we romance the night sky’s randomness into guides and graphs and sky-borne bookmarks of gods, goddesses, and signs of the future foretold by birth.

So stars in sooth may stay the vexations of carnality, consciousness, and time, offering comfort to knowing that what is temporary is what we are.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)