Tag Archives: eulogia

Eulogia

Eulogia (eu-lo’-gi-a): Pronouncing a blessing for the goodness in a person.


We have a Christmas tradition. We watch “A Christmas Carol.” Every time Tiny Tim says “God bless everyone,” we yell “Shut up!” If you miss a “Shut up!” You have carry a bed pillow, symbolic of Tiny Tim, on your shoulder around the living room 3 times—one for each spirit that visits Scrooge.

We have many family traditions. When it snows for the first time in Winter, we shoot dice to see who will shovel the sidewalk and driveway. That person, in turn, gets to choose the next person who will shovel. In spring when we open the pool, we have a person designated as water tester to see if the water’s warm enough to swim in. Everybody has to guess a number between 1 and 1 million. The “holder of the number” is designated by succession. The person who comes closest to the number has to do a cannonball into the pool. We keep an ambulance standing by. 5 years ago Grandpa had a heart attack doing the water test.

We don’t feed the dog unless it picks up it’s bowl and walks around the house whining. We’ve had lots of dogs over the years. We arm wrestle over what TV show we are going to watch. We draw straws to see who’s going to wrestle. It’s funny to see Dad and my three-year old brother wrestle. When we go to the grocery store Mom usually puts a ham or a turkey from the grocery store under her sweater so she looks pregnant. We circle around her, and create a distraction so she can slip out the front door & we can go through checkout like nothing happened. Our distraction is my brother Ed. He can imitate a PA system and he says “Refrigeration unit broken on aisle 3.”

I think our best tradition is wearing formal clothing to breakfast. Poached eggs, orange juice, home fries, sausage, and a raspberry jelly donut all in a tuxedo. Mom wears her wedding dress and Dad wears his dress blues from his army days. Little Joey wears a white sports coat and a pink carnation. Ed wears a tuxedo like mine. Suzy wears her first communion dress, but she’s starting to outgrow it. Salvation Army thrift store, here we come! It is all great fun—once a month on Sundays.

I keep trying to start a new tradition! I want us to stop bathing for 2 weeks every 2 months. I think it will remind us of how our ancestors lived. I think it is important get in touch with our ancestors as much as possible. In that vein, I’m also thinking about hunting the neighborhood squirrels with BB guns and cooking them up for lunch or dinner, like our ancestors.

Wish me luck!


Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Buy a print edition of The Daily Trope! The print edition is entitled The Book of Tropes and is available on Amazon for $9.99. There is also a Kindle edition available for $5.99.

Eulogia

Eulogia (eu-lo’-gi-a): Pronouncing a blessing for the goodness in a person.


There was Larry. There was Moe. There was Curly. The Three Stooges: not one, not four, but three. A perfect number for interpersonal chaos, disagreement, and bullying. But you, your wife, and daughter—the three of you—have risen above your numeric fate. You have developed ways of being together that thwart your triplehood’s miserable prospects. There is not chaos. Your family runs like a tour bus with you at the wheel. If anybody disagrees with your direction, you banish them to the root cellar for three days, where they’re allowed to have a book, a bucket, a tomato, and three feet of toilet paper. Bullying never rears its ugly head. Teasing not a form of bullying. It is what is called “constructive criticism” and it is intended to provide the subject with insight into their flaws, as a foundation for correction and improvement. Your daughter has developed the virtue of shyness from your teasing. Every time you tell her she’s fat, or she smells like a wet dog, you are propelling her toward a trouble-free future. These taunts will keep her out of trouble and relationships too—“dangerous liaisons” culminating in heartbreak, pregnancy, and death.

So we laud you for managing your family’s triple whammy responsibilities with conscious choices that project a quality of morality and it’s application. We know that morality is not a bulldozer that clears life’s road ahead of us in the same way for everybody. In war killing fellow human beings is permitted, even applauded. As Aristotle (or maybe Plato) wrote, people do what they do because they think it’s good. So, clearly you’re doing what you’re doing because you think it’s good, and that’s good. It’s all good. Here’s your trophy and a check for $5000.00 from the de Sade Foundation.


Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Buy a print edition of The Daily Trope! The print edition is entitled The Book of Tropes and is available on Amazon for $9.99. There is also a Kindle edition available for $5.99.

Eulogia

Eulogia (eu-lo’-gi-a): Pronouncing a blessing for the goodness in a person.

You are one of the most amazing people in the world! Thank-you for everything you have done for me! I didn’t really know what insider trading was until we started doing business together! Bless you forever. 

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Buy a print edition of The Daily Trope! The print edition is entitled The Book of Tropes and is available on Amazon for $9.99. There is also a Kindle edition available for $5.99.

 

Eulogia

Eulogia (eu-lo’-gi-a): Pronouncing a blessing for the goodness in a person.

You have gone above the call of duty. You have gone beyond the call of duty. I don’t know what ‘Duty’ says when it calls, maybe somethin’ like “Get off your butt” or “Get your head out of your ass.” And I don’t know how ‘Duty’ feels about you goin’ above and beyond it, but I’ll tell you Laura-Bob, we don’t care what duty thinks, feels, or says about anythin’ because we are grateful to you for saving our prize chicken Toni from the clothes dryer.

Elmo was bad for puttin’ her in there, but it gave you a chance to be good by pullin’ her out.

As you can see, we’ve given Elmo the spankin’ of a lifetime–why the back of his britches is smokin’ like a wet campfire. Ain’t that right Elmo? You little dickens!

So, to conclude this little speech: Laura-Bob, your goodness passes my ability to capture it in words. Let’s just say we and Toni are grateful you saved her. As a token of our forever thankfulness, we will be sure to give you Toni’s next egg. Elmo will deliver it with a smile on his regretful face. It may take a few days before she’s layin’ again, so just be patient–a promise is a promise–you’ll get that egg, special from Toni.

Thank you.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Post your own eulogia on the “Comments” page!

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Eulogia

Eulogia (eu-lo’-gi-a): Pronouncing a blessing for the goodness in a person.

Your willingness to risk your life to save our Beanie Baby™ collection is a mystery to us, but we feel blessed. Our mobile home was ablaze. You threw down your bottle of PBR™ and fell through the screen porch, landed on the big black plastic bag, tried to get inside it and yelled, “Damn, it’s filled with Beanie Babies™ and Christmas lights!”

Maurice yelled, “To hell with it! Let it burn!” But you got your foot tangled in the drawstring and courageously dragged the bag behind you as you crawled out through the hole in the torn screen.

Coughing, you yelled, “My ball cap’s on fire, give me a beer!”

We thank you for your tipsy recklessness and the good fortune that tangled your foot in the bag. As a token of our appreciation and mystification, we want to give you these smoked Christmas lights, and a $5.00 Hobby Lobby™ gift certificate.

We know you’ll use the gift certificate the next time you wake up in the Hobby Lobby™ parking lot “the morning after” and need something to do with your hands to get you through another bout of beer flu.

  • Post your own eulogia on the “Comments” page!

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Eulogia

Eulogia (eu-lo’-gi-a): Pronouncing a blessing for the goodness in a person.

Your willingness to risk your life to save our child’s life–to save our little William–merits our everlasting gratitude.  We thank you for your courage and your commitment to what is good and right. You are a hero and we want the world to know how truly wonderful and blessed you are. Thank you for wearing that uniform. Thank you for going out into the night. Thank you for serving our community. Thank you for saving our son’s life.

  • Post your own eulogia on the “Comments” page!

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).