Eulogia

Eulogia (eu-lo’-gi-a): Pronouncing a blessing for the goodness in a person.

There was Larry. There was Moe. There was Curly. The Three Stooges: not one, not four, but three. A perfect number for interpersonal chaos, disagreement, and bullying. But you, your wife, and daughter—the three of you—have risen above your numeric fate. You have developed ways of being together that thwart your triplehood’s miserable prospects. There is not chaos. Your family runs like a tour bus with you at the wheel. If anybody disagrees with your direction, you banish them to the root cellar for three days, where they’re allowed to have a book, a bucket, a tomato, and three feet of toilet paper. Bullying never rears its ugly head. Teasing not a form of bullying. It is what is called “constructive criticism” and it is intended to provide the subject with insight into their flaws, as a foundation for correction and improvement. Your daughter has developed the virtue of shyness from your teasing. Every time you tell her she’s fat, or she smells like a wet dog, you are propelling her toward a trouble-free future. These taunts will keep her out of trouble and relationships too—“dangerous liaisons” culminating in heartbreak, pregnancy, and death.

So we laud you for managing your family’s triple whammy responsibilities with conscious choices that project a quality of morality and it’s application. We know that morality is not a bulldozer that clears life’s road ahead of us in the same way for everybody. In war killing fellow human beings is permitted, even applauded. As Aristotle (or maybe Plato) wrote, people do what they do because they think it’s good. So, clearly you’re doing what you’re doing because you think it’s good, and that’s good. It’s all good. Here’s your trophy and a check for $5000.00 from the de Sade Foundation.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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