Euche

Euche (yoo’-kay): A vow to keep a promise.

This is our anniversary. This is a time to eat cake, exchange gifts and cards, and make promises for the coming year. Promises must be kept or the world we trust will turn into a world of duplicity, uncertainty, and shame. Remember the time I lied to you about having an affair with the check-out lady at Hannaford? That was almost the end. But, I bought you the Maserati you always wanted, and all was forgotten. Or, what about the time I denied being naked in our pool with our neighbor’s wife? You had video, so I was caught—caught with our neighbor and caught in a giant whopper. But luckily, I paid for your anger and threats with the 70” plasma TV that you had wanted for years.

Now, today, on our anniversary, I have kept my promise of “no fooling around” for the past year, since our last anniversary. I vow to keep that promise forever. I am not perfect, but I’m not a total loss either. I no longer even have a desire to fool around. Fooling around isn’t even something I think about. I don’t even think about all those women on the Internet who’re looking for a one night stand, who live nearby and I could hook up with, and have a booze-fueled wild night of high quality bonking. That’s something that doesn’t interest me at all.

Hey! How did you get into my cellphone? Oh, it’s my password, my first name. not the strongest password in the world, ha ha. Let me explain. I lost my phone for a week and when I found it, it had been loaded with explicit videos and text messages from somebody named Janine. A pretty rude thing for her to do! I am waiting to hear from her again so I can tell her to leave me alone. I promise.

Hey! Where are you going? What? Mr Taylor? Bobby’s teacher? My God! He’s 10 years younger than you and works out at the school gym. After all the promises I’ve made, I feel betrayed. I would have kept the promises if I had known this was going to happen. I promise.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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