Assumptio (as-sump’-ti’o): The introduction of a point to be considered, especially an extraneous argument. 

See proslepsis (When paralipsis [stating and drawing attention to something in the very act of pretending to pass it over] is taken to its extreme. The speaker provides full details.).

This is Christmas and the beautifully wrapped presents are piled up around the blinking, ornament laden, pink tinsel draped, metal tree from China—yes China where they are atheistic Communists, laughing at the stupid Americans every time a tree comes off their sweat shop assembly line. In fact, aside from the ornaments the kids made with Grandma, the damn thing, from the star on top, to the stand at the bottom, is made in China. We might as well be celebrating General Tsao’s birthday and wearing silk pajamas with birds embroidered on them.

However, we need to talk about Santa Clause. Things are slipping up at the North Pole. He must be at least 200 years old! He brokered a deal with Amazon, and now he just gets on the internet, places the huge Christmas order with Amazon, and watches “A Muppet Christmas Carol” on his laptop on Christmas Eve. All these years he’s done a great job, but now he’s got to go. He can live in his condo on the beach in Key West. We need to put together a job description including information about salary and benefits. Santa worked for free and we’ve suspected him of purloining presents and selling them on the dark web for the past five years. An elf informant alerted us to Santa’s larceny. But the big question is: where does he get his money in the first place? This leads to the “magical powers” argument. Our surveillance cameras have recorded Santa waving his arms, followed by a shower of one-hundred dollar bills. We can’t get our heads around it. The last time I saw magic like that was when I was taken for $20 at Three Card Monty.

I think Elf 22 can stand in for Santa while we figure out what to do.

Being on the Holiday Police Force is very rewarding. For example, the Easter Bunny goes on trial in two weeks for hopping a 16-year old kid to death. And oh, and this is scary, the last time we tried to get Santa to retire, our building was suddenly covered with an avalanche of Barbie dolls and burned to the ground. Nobody was killed. But we heard “Ho, Ho, Ho!” from a nearby rooftop.

So, what’re we going to do about China stealing Christmas?

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” ( 

Paper and Kindle versions of The Daily Trope are available from Amazon under the title The Book of Tropes.

arby Dolls

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” ( 

Paper and Kindle versions of The Daily Trope are available from Amazon under the title The Book of Tropes.

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