Category Archives: apocarteresis

Aposiopesis (a-pos-i-o-pee’-sis): Breaking off suddenly in the middle of speaking, usually to portray being overcome with emotion.

There was no way out. I was trapped in the freezer, I was poking around for some chocolate swirl ice cream when I reached too far and fell in and the door slammed shut over my head. I yelled for help for an hour, but then I realized nobody would be home for a couple of hours. I was wearing shorts and a t-shit so I figured I would probably be frozen to death before they got home. My sister always had a piece of frozen chocolate when she got home from school. She would find my frozen body. I had decided to die with my hands crossed over my heart like I was in a coffin. Given my sister’s interest in science she would probably examine me. She would find that I was dead.

It was dark inside the freezer, I couldn’t see anything, but I could feel things. I could feel a pack of frozen peas. Although they worked great as a compress when I sprained my ankle, they were useless to me now. But then, I felt a frozen turkey. It was a big one. I rolled over and pulled it out from under me. I held the drumsticks like a pair of handlebars. Eureka! I pulled it up on top of me. I was shivering I was so cold. I shoved my fist up the turkey’s butt into its body cavity. I would use the turkey like a boxing glove and punch my way out of the freezer.

I started punching—punching hard. My knuckles were getting sore from the frozen turkey, but I wasn’t going to quit. I didn’t want to die in a basement freezer. I had so much of my life ahead of me. I was studying tattoo art at the community college. I had done a practice tattoo on a tattoo dummy. It was supposed to be a bouquet of flowers but it turned out looking like red and green condiments smeared on a rain cloud. I knew I had a way to go.

Even though I’d been studying tattooing for nearly one semester, I had already settled on my final project. I wanted to do a tattoo of a man drowning in a pristine lake surrounded by snow-capped mountains, and a bear throwing a salmon at him. The Tatoo has deep meaning—I’ll give you a hint: the salmon throwing bear symbolizes the futility of being a Good Samaritan. It’s dark, but edifying. It’s . . ow! . . . my hand is turning to jelly, I’m making no progress breaking out of here. I think I will die soon—I’m having hallucinations. My high school English teacher is laying alongside me. She feels so warm. I’ve quit punching. It’s futile. I ask my high school English teacher to marry me. She accepts my proposal.

Then I hear somebody fiddling with the freezer’s lid handle. The lid opens. It’s my sister looking for her afternoon bite of frozen chocolate! I’m saved! My sister had saved me. My sister asked me why I had a turkey on my hand and then told me to get off her candy.

I climbed out of the freezer and could barely stand. My sister helped me up the stairs. I thanked he for saving my life. Then, I took a hot shower.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

The Daily Trope is available on Amazon in paperback under the title of The Book of Tropes for $9.95. It is also available in Kindle format for $5.99.

Apocarteresis (a-po-car-ter’-e-sis): Casting of all hope away from one thing and placing it on another source altogether.

“Time will tell.” I was waiting patiently for the unfolding of my success as a human being. Part of the problem was that I didn’t know what it meant to be a “success” as a human being, but yet I knew it was the goal of all people. My Uncle Arnold taught me this, but also told me there are an untold number of routes to success. Whatever your answer to the question “What is a human being?” is, will affect your striving. His idea was “nasty, brutish and short.” He was lucky to be short; he was only 5 feet tall. He could rejoice in that! One out of three without even trying!

He worked hard on nasty and brutish. He learned how to insult people and hurt their feelings and never apologize. He wrote a book of insults that made it to number 10 on the New York Times Bestseller List. It was titled “Kiss My Ass Yo-Yo.” It established nastiness as a valued character attribute. “Kiss my ass!” became the rallying cry of acolytes. Fights broke out on subways, in parking lots and even at places of worship, where clergy began insulting their flocks, and making it clear that they were unworthy of a heavenly afterlife. At one evangelical church, the Preacher looked up toward God and yelled “Kiss my ass” and the congregation did likewise, yelling at each other, and eventually wrestling and punching each other. It devolved into a riot and police were dispatched. Teargas was fired and things calmed down.

Then, there was “brutish.” It related mainly to hygiene and deform—it was considered brutish to burp, fart, poop and pee outside; copulate in public in plain view, and eat boogers while standing on street corners or waiting for public transportation. Table manners were also altered—people ate with their hands right off the table’s surface, wiped their mouths on their sleeves, and fought over food like raccoons and bears. They would also pick on weaker people, and make them carry them around in sedan chairs, or on their backs.

I could see why this construction of “human being” would appeal to my little uncle, and vast numbers of other people. But, it did not appeal to me. I tossed it off like a hot potato. Frankly, it took too much effort to achieve. So, I went with “people are the leisured beings.” This quotation is from “Lay Down and Wake Up.” It is one of those ancient works that seems more insightful as the centuries pass. It was written by an ancient Egyptian mattress salesman, who would give the book away free with every purchase. Just to give you an idea of its content, Chapter One is titled “Do Nothing, Be Happy!” “Doing nothing” is extremely difficult to define. One must grapple with the meaning-laden question: Is nothing something? Written in a dialogue form, the text is a series of questions and answers between a nasty and brutish young man named Ank-Trumphet, and a wise philosopher named Omari. They are laying down on separate couches under the shade of a tent.

Anyway, I am a follower of leisure. It is good. Like the ancient author of “Lay Down and Wake Up” I sell mattresses for a living. I lay on a mattress in the store’s window. I wear silk pajamas, and sometimes, sip a Mimosa.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

The Daily Trope is available on Amazon in paperback under the title of The Book of Tropes for $9.95. It is also available in Kindle format for $5.99.