Dicaeologia (di-kay-o-lo’-gi-a): Admitting what’s charged against one, but excusing it by necessity.
“Sure, I shot my fathers. But I didn’t know the gun was loaded. That was my excuse. Sergeant Morton laughed, “That’s lamest excuse ever. I’ve heard it a million times, you little scum ball..”
Sergeant Morton had me dead to rights. I had emptied the Beretta’s clip into Dad’s head. The holes in his forehead belied my excuse. So, I tried self-defense. I argued that I knew Dad was going to shoot me later in the week (maybe Wednesday).I told them he was going to lock me in the garage with the car running.
Sergeant Morton said “You’er full of shit kid. Give me the truth or I’ll give you something you’ll regret. Cough it up!”
It was time to tell the truth, “Dad has been taunting me about my jelly-roll hairdo, with a duck’s ass in the back. He said I looked insane, and like a big sissy. That’s when I realized I was a crazy sissy. And what do crazy sissies do? They dance and kill their fathers. It was inevitable. I was a homicidal sissy. My sissyhood pushed me over the edge. I asked my father to dance, when he refused, and taunted me, I filled his head full of holes with the Beretta. No 17 year-old boy wants to be weak and bereft of masculine traits, I wasn’t weak, and I aspired to be a macho man. Just because I dance the mashed potatoes didn’t mean I was a sissy, and shooting Dad surely proved I wasn’t € sissy. I’m a macho man! End of story.”
Sergeant Morton said, “Get out the nets. We have a live one. Cuff him Driscoll and put him in the squad car. Joey, you’re a friggin’ nut case.”
I was a nut case. I beat the rap on a technicality.
POSTSCRIPT
I wasn’t sure about the sissy thing though. So, I began a professional wrestling career. I was “George Mahco Sissy.” My signature move was to prance around my opponent, making him dizzy. Then I moved in for the kill, giving him my “arm twister” take down, and Macho Sissy would win again. Eventually, macho sissy became a normal way of being. It was confusing, but people are confusing.
