Monthly Archives: May 2022

Eulogia

Eulogia (eu-lo’-gi-a): Pronouncing a blessing for the goodness in a person.


There was Larry. There was Moe. There was Curly. The Three Stooges: not one, not four, but three. A perfect number for interpersonal chaos, disagreement, and bullying. But you, your wife, and daughter—the three of you—have risen above your numeric fate. You have developed ways of being together that thwart your triplehood’s miserable prospects. There is not chaos. Your family runs like a tour bus with you at the wheel. If anybody disagrees with your direction, you banish them to the root cellar for three days, where they’re allowed to have a book, a bucket, a tomato, and three feet of toilet paper. Bullying never rears its ugly head. Teasing not a form of bullying. It is what is called “constructive criticism” and it is intended to provide the subject with insight into their flaws, as a foundation for correction and improvement. Your daughter has developed the virtue of shyness from your teasing. Every time you tell her she’s fat, or she smells like a wet dog, you are propelling her toward a trouble-free future. These taunts will keep her out of trouble and relationships too—“dangerous liaisons” culminating in heartbreak, pregnancy, and death.

So we laud you for managing your family’s triple whammy responsibilities with conscious choices that project a quality of morality and it’s application. We know that morality is not a bulldozer that clears life’s road ahead of us in the same way for everybody. In war killing fellow human beings is permitted, even applauded. As Aristotle (or maybe Plato) wrote, people do what they do because they think it’s good. So, clearly you’re doing what you’re doing because you think it’s good, and that’s good. It’s all good. Here’s your trophy and a check for $5000.00 from the de Sade Foundation.


Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Eustathia

Eustathia (yoos-tay’-thi-a): Promising constancy in purpose and affection.


There’s ice cream. There’s scotch. There’s Porterhouse steak. There’s Cuban cigars. There are the trips to Paris, Istanbul, and Cairo. There is deep sea fishing out of Bimini. There’s more to add to the list, but suffice it to say I truly love these things. But then, there is you. My feelings for you eclipse everything in the world I feel affection for. My love for you is a golden thread that binds me to your soul in a mystic knot of truth and faithfulness, loyalty, and steadfastness. I will never leave you. I will always be true to our marriage vows. In sum, I love you.

But, promises can be broken. There is a sort of jeopardy involved in making them and submitting to them. The future is uncertain. People change and change their minds too. There is an abyss on the other side of promises. Nothing keeps us from tumbling into it but two wills—mine and yours. Trust enables us to bear love’s burden, but that too can become too heavy to bear.

I have to work late tonight. Ms. Jeffries will be assisting me. Trust me, there’s nothing going on between us. She’s smart and a good worker too. Every bachelor in the office wants to date her, even some of the married men. But not me. I got her this expensive tea as a thank-you for what she’s done for me. So, I’ll be home around midnight. Love you! Bye bye.


Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Buy a print edition of The Daily Trope! The print edition is entitled The Book of Tropes and is availa

Eutrepismus

Eutrepismus (eu-tre-pis’-mus): Numbering and ordering the parts under consideration. A figure of division, and of ordering.


Although we only have two legs, there are myriad reasons why we should take up prancing. I will enumerate two.

1. When we prance we channel the energy of a steed. We become swifter, and focused, and more racy.

2. We develop the desire and ability to jump over fences and water hazards: excellent skills for managing urban life. We also develop an appetite for oats. A very healthy breakfast food.

So, you can prance. To prance is to prance. Prance in the mall! A lot of room there and people will usually step aside as you come prancing by. Then, of course, you can prance in the parking lot, weaving in between the cars and pickup trucks, like the show pony you’ve become. Next, you’ll want to prance down a sidewalk, feet rising and falling, body swaying like a quarter horse crossing the finish line. You will jump gigantic puddles as if they were somebody’s spilled beverage.

Last but not least, to complete your prancification you will never say “no” again. Showing your prancer pride, you will say “neigh” and whinny your satisfaction with the prancing life. I’m going prancing in the park tonight. Come along!


Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Buy a print edition of The Daily Trope! The print edition is entitled The Book of Tropes and is available on Amazon for $9.99. There is also a Kindle edition available for $5.99.

Exergasia

Exergasia (ex-er-ga’-si-a): Repetition of the same idea, changing either its words, its delivery, or the general treatment it is given. A method for amplification, variation, and explanation. As such, exergasia compares to the progymnasmata exercises (rudimentary exercises intended to prepare students of rhetoric for the creation and performance of complete practice orations).


This isn’t what I thought it would be. Driving across country has been a nightmare so far. In Pennsylvania, I almost ran over a Quaker man pulling a load of oats in a little black wagon. In Ohio, I sat on a buckeye and had to go to the emergency room. This trip has been far removed from my expectations. In Indiana, a man said “ope” to me and pushed me out of his way. I’m still trying to figure this out, but I bruised my elbow when it hit the wall. You’d never expect this in a thousand years. In Illinois, the state dance is the square dance. I stumbled into a square dance den where sweaty men and women were drinking hard cider and doing a suggestive movement called “do-si-do” and “Ladies In, Men Sashay” that mimics the movement of mating Whooping Cranes. This was not what I bargained for. I thought my trip would be joyful with wonderful sights to see. Probably, when I get to the Grand Canyon, it will be closed for repairs. Right now, I am staying in a reconstructed farm homestead in Nebraska. The proprietor took my car for “authenticity’s sake.” His son forced me to wear overhauls and a straw hat for “authenticity’s sake” and they took my cellphone for the same reason. I have to work 3 twelve-hour days in the fields before I can get my car, clothes and phone back. I feel like I’m in a sequel to “Deliverance” without the creepy banjo-playing kid.

After 3 days of bizarre weirdness I am back on the road again. At this point, I wouldn’t recommend a cross-country driving trip to anybody. I thought it was going to be a straight-up fun adventure. So far it hasn’t been, unless you count bad things as adventurous. Nevertheless, I’m pushing on. I bought a Ruger .357 in Nebraska where they have liberal gun laws. They even throw in a free box of ammunition. I learned to shoot guns when I was a Boy Scout, so I can handle the .357. If anybody screws with me in Wyoming, it is likely I’ll threaten to shoot them. After that, I’ll probably turn around and go back to New York. If I follow through with my threat, I can hide out on the Canadian border forever.

Damn, I wish it was different: puffy clouds, shining sun, interesting sites to see. But no, nowhere near it. I’ve taken an unexpected car ride into Hell. I expect to see Satan in the passenger seat of my car grinning like the poorly groomed hitch-hiker I picked up at the Wyoming border.


Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Buy a print edition of The Daily Trope! The print edition is entitled The Book of Tropes and is available on Amazon for $9.99. A Kindle edition is also available for $5.99.

Exouthenismos

Exouthenismos (ex-ou-then-is’-mos): An expression of contempt.


I hate you and and so should everybody else. My life was going so well until you came along and stole my heart and my baseball card collection. It took me 25years to put it together—25 years of riding America’s highways, byways, back roads, and dirt roads in search of cards. I spent nearly all of my annuity paying for the cards. It was my life’s work. People called me “Johnny Card” and they weren’t joking. My life was vested in cardboard rectangles with pictures of men in hats. I have enough bubblegum to give all the homeless people in North America a sweet treat.

And you—you, you, you—stole all my cards, not just a select few, but ALL of them. I thought you loved me. I welcomed you into my home. I cooked for you. I watched what you wanted to watch on TV. I am no fan of Julia Child reruns, or Cheers, or Wheel of Fortune, or Jeopardy, but I watched and didn’t complain. I should’ve been suspicious when you asked to see my collection before we’d ever talked about it.

I heard you were spotted in Las Vegas wearing an expensive fur coat. I hope somebody spray paints you and shoves the spray can down your throat. I hate you. My hopes for you are brutally painful. I could go into lurid detail, but I won’t, even though my therapist says it would do me good and help clear my head.

While I wait to hear about my baseball cards, I’ve started a new collection: seed packets from around the world. It is such a stupid thing to collect, nobody will want steal it. I’m not enjoying collecting seed packets, but maybe it’ll grow on me.


Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Buy a print edition of The Daily Trope! The print edition is entitled The Book of Tropes and is available on Amazon for $9.99. There is also a Kindle edition available for $5.99.