Mesozeugma (me’-so-zyoog’-ma): A zeugma in which one places a common verb for many subjects in the middle of a construction.

I thought I was a Pharaoh —I was aways posed in profile with a snake sticking out of the front of my hat, a pleated skirt, hippo skin sandals, and the good old crook and flail—indispensable accessories for the ruler of this world. I live in Florida, outside Miami. The climate allows me to exercise my Egypto-hood without freezing in the winter time like I did up in New York. I had to wear a bulky down coat that made me look silly by covering my torso but leaving my snake-hat exposed. I looked like Eddie Bauer on his way to a costume party. But now, I’m running for mayor of Surfside. I’m running on the platform that we should build pyramids as a tourist attraction and a Yul Brynner museum and library, devoted to his career as an actor, and also a research facility devoted to the study of (not cure of) male pattern baldness. We know this much: Mr. Brynner found his way trough life when he shaved his head at the onset of his own baldness. Since then, countless balding men have shaved their heads, not knowing that it was Yul who paved the way, making head-shaving a normal practice for middle aged men, making it attractive, manly, and shiny.

Anyway, when I win the election I will institute Egyptian rules, but we won’t have slaves. The citizens of Surfside will pay me monthly tribute and loan me their legal age daughters for weekend trips to Miami. I think I will make a good ruler, benevolent, but not a pushover, really nice but not a weenie. Wish me luck! Please don’t mention this to my neighbor Moses. After the election, I hope he leaves Surfside and gets off my back once and for all.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (

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