Monthly Archives: July 2016

Kategoria

Kategoria (ka-te-go’-ri-a): Opening the secret wickedness of one’s adversary before his [or her] face.

It took a bunch of Russians hacking your email to find out, but now we know for certain that you tried to undermine Bernie Sanders’ campaign.

You are despicable!

You should be beyond ashamed.

Say goodbye to Philadelphia & go back to the swamp you crawled out of.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu). Bracketed text added by Gorgias.

Litotes

Litotes (li-to’-tees): Deliberate understatement, especially when expressing a thought by denying its opposite. The Ad Herennium author suggests litotes as a means of expressing modesty (downplaying one’s accomplishments) in order to gain the audience’s favor (establishing ethos).

I’m not the most successful person you’ll ever know, and I haven’t travelled to every country in the world. But, let me tell you, I’ve accomplished enough and seen enough to know that I can lead this nation, and with your help, make it great again!

Make America Great Again!

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Martyria

Martyria (mar-tir’-i-a): Confirming something by referring to one’s own experience.

See this scar?

It’s a token of pain. A trace of violence. An image of risk. A jagged lesson scribbled across my belly in slicing intersected strokes.

Clearly, I’m alive. Clearly, I survived the angry blade. Clearly, I fought back, or I would’t be here right now; I wouldn’t be standing right here, alive and well and ready to show you my plan–the plan that saved my life!

Simple! Here it is: It’s called a Glock. I emptied the magazine into the lunatic who was attacking me.

Problem solved!

I encourage you to try my plan!

If you can pull the trigger, you can defend yourself with a Glock!

Fire away!

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Maxim

Maxim (max’-im): One of several terms describing short, pithy sayings. Others include adageapothegmgnomeparoemiaproverb, and sententia.

Yes, we’re all standing up to our knees in recrimination, accusations and vituperation. And yes, we all know, as the ancient sage La-zee Too wisely said, “When the going gets tough, it’s hard to get going.”

Today, it’s so hard to get going many of us are considering quitting once and for all!

Well, let me tell you, that wouldn’t exactly be a bad thing. We’ve been putting up with this crap for months and months now–months and months of taking it on the chin, in the gut, and over the head.

So, let’s just quit. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, especially if we can pretend there’s a higher purpose being served by our quitting, being disloyal, and running out on the promises we made.

Hey I’ve got it! Let’s use “self respect” as our back door!

Check this out: No self-respecting human being would put up with the way we’re being treated; especially being called bad names by our enemies!

It’s like the famous Japanese Chef said, “If you can’t stand the heat, don’t sit near the hibachi.” Well, we can’t stand the heat and we’re moving away from the hibachi–far, far away where names can’t hurt us, promises don’t need to be kept, and we can regain our self respect.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Medela

Medela (me-de’-la): When you can’t deny or defend friends’ faults and seek to heal them with good words.

Ok, ok. They may not appear to be completely her words, but the sentiments she expressed with them are certainly hers–she’s a loving wife and mother, and a respectful daughter with solid values and high moral ideals. She loves America and is probably deeply pained by what she’s accused of. Let’s give her a break and try to help mend her broken heart. Let’s focus on the sentiments and not who expressed them first. Originality isn’t the issue. In fact, just the opposite is the case.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Meiosis

Meiosis (mei-o’-sis): Reference to something with a name disproportionately lesser than its nature (a kind of litotes). This term is equivalent to tapinosis.

Imagine, calling a string of commonplace cliches “plagiarism.” Melania was simply stating truisms–the kinds of things that common sense dictates when you’re talking about your parents’ advice and influence, raising children, and being an American. It’s like saying “I love you” is plagiarized because it’s been said countless times before!

What do I have to do now, think of a new way to say “I love you” because there’s a Valentine’s card that already says it?

I’ll tell you what! Nobody’s going to make me find a different way to say “I love you,”even if you call me a plagiarist! I love you is I love you. How else do I say it?

Speaking from the heart is not plagiarism, no matter how much it may sound like what other people say when they speak from the heart.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Mempsis

Mempsis (memp’-sis): Expressing complaint and seeking help.

I was led to believe that this powder would grow hair on my head! So far, I’ve dumped a kilo on my bald spot and nothing’s happened.

Well, something’s happened: there’s an abundance of hair growing out of my nose and ears–there’s lots of it & it isn’t very attractive. Also, hairy warts have popped up on my cheeks & I’m getting a hump on my back.

What the hell have you done to me?

Fix it!

What? You say I bought the “Troll Formula” by mistake?

So, what can you do to fix it?

What?!

I need to hide under a bridge for a week & and eat at least one ill-tempered billy goat?

That’s asking a lot, but I am getting a little hungry for billy goat.

Where’s the bridge?

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Merismus

Merismus (mer-is’-mus): The dividing of a whole into its parts.

Donald Trump is one part showman, one part showman, and one part showman.

He’s all showman!

Right now, I’m enjoying the DT show: it’s a fun-filled comedy with wonderful supporting actors who add to the glee.

But, if he gets elected, I’m afraid it may become a farce, or a Greek tragedy.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Mesarchia

Mesarchia (mes-ar’-chi-a): The repetition of the same word or words at the beginning and middle of successive sentences.

I can’t say for sure where my culinary interest is tending; tending as as it is toward fast food.

I can’t say whether my culinary interest is best served up as Baconators; Baconators three beef patties high laced with crisp bacon, soaked by melting cheese.

I can’t say whether your interest in me will continue; continue as I become obese from obsessively consuming bags of fat dribbling 940 calorie burgers.

Will you feed me when I can’t move any more?

Bless you.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Mesodiplosis

Mesodiplosis (mes-o-dip-lo’-sis): Repetition of the same word or words in the middle of successive sentences.

It looks like the Libertarian candidate  is racking up the percentage points in recent polls. As fas as I can see the Libertarian candidate has over 20% of the vote. If that’s right, the Libertarian candidate is making a significant dent in Trump’s and Clinton’s percentages.

A viable third-part candidate!

Wow!

Just like the other Presidential candidates, Gary Johnson’s supporters will have to nominate him at the Libertarian Party’s national convention & everybody’ll be decked out in goofy election paraphernalia.

The Libertarians’ silly hats will say: “Minimum Government, Maximum Freedom.”  I wonder if the Libertarians’ hats will ‘trump’ “Make America Great Again” hats?

(By the way, Hilary’s hats don’t have a chance. “Stronger Together” sounds like a gang slogan: “The Outlaws: Stronger Together”)

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Mesozeugma

Mesozeugma (me’-so-zyoog’-ma): A zeugma in which one places a common verb for many subjects in the middle of a construction.

Monday dragged by, then Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. Saturday at last!

It was coming today–at least that’s what the advertisement said when the man ordered 100 pounds of chocolate from Holland: “Fresh from Amsterdam in 1 week” the ad said.

The doorbell rang. The postal delivery person was on the front porch. He had a huge ring of chocolate around his lips and was looking sheepish.

The man was furious: “It is against the law to tamper with the mail. You ate my chocolate–all 100 pounds.”

The postal delivery man said “No, no, no, I didn’t eat it all. The chocolaty smell was too much. I could not contain myself.”

“Here’s what’s left–at least 95 pounds.”

The man was a kind soul. He forgave the postal delivery person and invited him over for extra large s’mores later that evening.

The postal delivery person accepted the invitation and promised to bring a 2 cases of graham crackers and 5o pounds of marshmallows.

It was going to be a big deal–maybe the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Not only that, the postal delivery man had gotten away with stealing mail–a federal offense–a felony. That was good.

Metabasis

Metabasis (me-ta’-ba-sis): A transitional statement in which one explains what has been and what will be said.

Now that we have had a chance to thoroughly understand what the law and order candidate means by “law and order,” let’s take a look at what the other candidate seemingly means by “law and order” in the context of her recent brush withe FBI.

To start with . . .

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Metalepsis

Metalepsis (me-ta-lep’-sis): Reference to something by means of another thing that is remotely related to it, either through a farfetched causal relationship, or through an implied intermediate substitution of terms. Often used for comic effect through its preposterous exaggeration. A metonymical substitution of one word for another which is itself figurative.

You see yourself as a bridge over troubled waters–to me you’re a doormat over dog poop.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Metallage

Metallage (me-tal’-la-gee): When a word or phrase is treated as an object within another expression.

Looking at the so-called “race” to the White House, the word “endorsement” has taken on new significance in the Republican Party:

  • I’m not saying “No.” (Paul Ryan)
  • I may have started moving in that direction already! (Bobby Jindal)
  • “Endorsement” is a pretty strong word. (Marco Rubio)
  • I endorse the electoral process, the people of America, and the opportunity to offer an endorsement endorsing the aforementioned, and, Donald Trump’s singularly clear endorsement of it as well, and Donald and I stand united in our shared positive regard for processes of voting, the people of America, and the freedom to endorse or not to endorse candidates of our choice. (John Kasich)
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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Metaphor

Metaphor (met’-a-phor): A comparison made by referring to one thing as another.

This car is an armpit on wheels. It’s a smelly locker room with an engine; a mobile porta-potty with electric windows and seating for five.

What the hell have you been doing driving around in this Slobmobile?

Have you no pride?

Maybe a dozen air fresheners would help: 2 quarts of lilac and 2 quarts of jasmine along with 50 sticks of patchouli incense, a drum of Lysol concentrate and an Air Wick as tall as the National Newark Building.

Better yet, you should just pull over right now–right here on the Goethals Bridge–and light the damn thing on fire.

Here’s a lighter. I’m bailing out.

See you on Staten Island! Yaaaaaa!

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POSTSCRIPT

“Don’t shame your friends into bailing out of your car. Keep its interior clean & use air fresheners sensibly. Keep your friends alive. Do not stink and drive.”

Gov. Chris Christie

New Jersey

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).