Monthly Archives: June 2015


Antanagoge (an’-ta-na’-go-gee): Putting a positive spin on something that is nevertheless acknowledged to be negative or difficult.

In the controversies over the efficacy of flying the Confederate flag on government properties, we find ourselves at a crossroad–a crossroad made of stars and bars.

Crossroads are symbolic of sites of choice. Being at a crossroad puts one in a crisis. One must decide–this way, or that way?  This particular crisis will be painfully decided, but it will foster a deeper appreciation of the pitfalls the flag symbolically  portends when it is used as a roadmap to give directions toward a desirable future.  As Lincoln said, “If we could first know where we are and wither we are tending, we would better judge what to do, and how to do it.

We know that roadmaps enable us to see beyond the myriad crossroads, find our destination, and  choose a route that will best deliver us there.

If we consult history, we can see that the crisscrossed stars and bars are part of a roadmap showing us that no matter which direction we turn by its guidance, no matter which route we take in accord with its roadways, the destination is always the same: human suffering rooted in the buying and the selling of human beings and sacrificing to slaughter young men who had nothing to benefit from winning the war–nothing to benefit by preserving an institution that was beyond their means and did not serve their interest.

It’s time to fold up that map and put it away, or at the very least acknowledge its irrelevance as source of decision and direction.

To those bear a deep affection for the direction the flag has provided them through life, please remember that the crisscrossed stars and bars provide no route or passage to justice, peace, or the compassionate love of humanity that opens heaven’s gates.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (



Antenantiosis  (an’-ten-an’-ti-os’-is): See litotes. (Deliberate understatement, especially when expressing a thought by denying its opposite. The Ad Herennium author suggests litotes as a means of expressing modesty [downplaying one’s accomplishments] in order to gain the audience’s favor [establishing ethos]).

I have always loved going fast, fast food, and fasting.

As a tribute to my love of fast, and what I have allegedly accomplished in the name of fast, you Governor Christie and the New Jersey State Legislature have proclaimed this “Freddy Fast Fast Faster Day.”

Let me tell you what I think it took for you to decide to proclaim this Freddy Fast, Fast, Faster Day.

When I ran away from my wife and kids, talk about fast, they couldn’t believe I had packed and left in under two minutes. They didn’t even have time to start crying or asking for money!

As for fast food, I am the only person in the world to eat 12 McDonald’s Quarter-Pounders raw–that’s fast food as fast as it gets!

And now, ever since that vomit-stained day, I’ve been fasting–dieting for so long that people are calling it a hunger strike!

I am honored by having a holiday named in my honor, but I also have a confession to make.

If I were Roadrunner, or Mickey D’s mother, or a prisoner protesting about something by not eating anything, then, maybe I could say “I deserve this honor.”

When I found about it, I said out lound “I’m just plain Freddy.”

My bookie overheard me.  He smiled and said, “Freddy, in a New Jersey kind of a way, being fast to leave your family, being a fast-food junkie, and being an obese guy with B.O. and occasional diarrhea from fasting on prune juice and raw clams, you deserve to have a day named in your honor.”

Well, that did it. I said out loud, “There should be a Freddy Fast, Fast, Faster Day! Al said, “Yes!  And for the hell of it, let’s call it Freddy FFFer Day. Freddy,  you always were, and still are, an F’n F-er!”

And so, with all my heart, thank you Governor Christie and all you state Senators and Representatives who’ve made such a wonderful judgment call. I also want to thank my cousin Joey, who owed me, and Turtlehead who set me straight.

Happy Freddy FFFer Day! Fast, Fast, Faster!

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (

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Anthimeria (an-thi-mer’-i-a): Substitution of one part of speech for another (such as a noun used as a verb).

Are you going to TV with me tonight? The DVR is overflowing!

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (


Anthypophora (an’-thi-po’-phor-a): A figure of reasoning in which one asks and then immediately answers one’s own questions (or raises and then settles imaginary objections). Reasoning aloud. Anthypophora sometimes takes the form of asking the audience or one’s adversary what can be said on a matter, and thus can involve both anacoenosis and apostrophe.

We need a new car. Mercedes?  Lexus? BMW? Saab?

I like the Mercedes AMG E 63-S wagon.

Let’s look and see if we can find one on the web!

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (

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Antimetabole (an’-ti-me-ta’-bo-lee): Repetition of words, in successive clauses, in reverse grammatical order.

Me: Being for now is the time being.  But is the time being now being?

You: Yes, for now, but not before or after.

Me: Before or after what?

You: The time being.

Me: This is pointless!

You: Yes! This is the point!

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (



Antimetathesis (an-ti-me-ta’-the-sis): Inversion of the members of an antithesis.

Your eyes are ebony.

Your soul is bright light.

Dark and light, light and dark.

Your dark eyes shine with the liquid glow of your soul’s bright light.

One person, within and without. One person to see and believe.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (



Antiprosopopoeia (an-ti-pro-so-po-pe’-i-a): The representation of persons [or other animate beings] as inanimate objects. This inversion of prosopopoeia or personification can simply be the use of a metaphor to depict or describe a person [or other animate being].

Me: When I fall asleep I am a hubcap. When I am awake, I am a can of WD-40. What am I?

You: Off your medication.

Me:  Ha! Ha! Wrong! I am an annoyed particle beam!! Get it? Par-ticle beam! Annoyed!!

You: Like I said, you’re off your medication.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” ( Bracketed text added by Gorgias.



Antirrhesis (an-tir-rhee’-sis): Rejecting reprehensively the opinion or authority of someone.

You claim to be an expert on life, love and learning! I took your advice and now my life is a mess, I am all alone and I feel more stupid than I ever felt in my life.

I paid you $900.00 to ‘tailor’ my life and you gave me a a giant clown suit made out of lies and decorated with pointless damaging advice.

Now I know what a life coach REALLY is: A Life ROACH.  Be honest, that’s what you are, a sneaky little bug that’s hard to squash!

Well guess what? My lawyer will squash you in public.  See you in court, you life-wrecking insect.

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Definition courtesy of Silva Rhetoricae (



Antisagoge (an-tis-a-go’-gee): 1. Making a concession before making one’s point (=paromologia); 2. Using a hypothetical situation or a precept to illustrate antithetical alternative consequences, typically promises of reward and punishment.

1. I know I need a bath. I know I’m a slob. I know you want to hose me down. I also know that I love you more than anything in the world and that love is not built on bathtubs, washcloths, and soap.  It’s built on trust. Trust me, I’m going to take a long overdue bath tonight–with candlelight, and wine, and your favorite Barry White! I trust you will join me? Rub-a-dub-dub honey!

2. Ok, so you want to mount a hookah on your motorcycle seat. Aside from being insane, it’ll never work. Even if you have a windshield for your passenger-hookah, you can’t blow smoke rings at 80 miles per hour and when you stop and put the kickstand down, and get off the bike, the charcoal will fall off.

You should either quit hookah smoking or sell your motorcycle. Or, forget your latest stupid idea–besides, I’m not giving up my seat behind you to a shisha-burning bottle of water with a velvet hose! Mount the hookah and I’m leaving you once and for all! Idiot.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (

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Antistasis (an-ti’-sta-sis): The repetition of a word in a contrary sense. Often, simply synonymous with antanaclasis.

I am sorry you are such a sorry example of a human being! You are a laugh, but not the kind of laugh that makes me laugh! You’re the kind laugh that makes me want to vomit.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (



Antisthecon (an-tis’-the-con): Substitution of one sound, syllable, or letter for another within a word. A kind of metaplasm: the general term for changes to word spelling.

Pluck you, you chicken-brained feather-flucker!

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (

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Antithesis (an-tith’-e-sis): Juxtaposition of contrasting words or ideas (often, although not always, in parallel structure).

The happy people and the sad people–opposite emotions, but not opposed as far as they are people. They can influence each other from where they stand. With empathy they may understand each other, and with understanding they build a bridge between happiness and sadness, that is itself neither happy nor sad. It is simply a place to meet and be together and consider each other as “us,” or “we,” or “friends,” or  . . . ?

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (



Antitheton (an-tith’-e-ton): A proof or composition constructed of contraries. Antitheton is closely related to and sometimes confused with the figure of speech that juxtaposes opposing terms, antithesis. However, it is more properly considered a figure of thought (=Topic of Invention: Contraries [a topic of invention in which one considers opposite or incompatible things that are of the same kind (if they are of different kinds, the topic of similarity / difference is more appropriate). Because contraries occur in pairs and exclude one another, they are useful in arguments because one can establish one’s case indirectly, proving one’s own assertion by discrediting the contrary]).

Stammering liars swarm across the angelic edges of life. In countless companies of tragedy they fold sonnets into into origami razors and slash kindness, love, and gentleness into fragments of dread, disgust, and despair.

Theirs is the darkness of light, the joy of fright, and the sinister beauty of fading life.

Ours is the perfect soul of truth: what cannot be torn and turned, touched or burned. Eternal. Immortal. Invincible. Ironic.

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Definitions courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (