Daily Archives: June 29, 2015

Antanagoge

Antanagoge (an’-ta-na’-go-gee): Putting a positive spin on something that is nevertheless acknowledged to be negative or difficult.

In the controversies over the efficacy of flying the Confederate flag on government properties, we find ourselves at a crossroad–a crossroad made of stars and bars.

Crossroads are symbolic of sites of choice. Being at a crossroad puts one in a crisis. One must decide–this way, or that way?  This particular crisis will be painfully decided, but it will foster a deeper appreciation of the pitfalls the flag symbolically  portends when it is used as a roadmap to give directions toward a desirable future.  As Lincoln said, “If we could first know where we are and wither we are tending, we would better judge what to do, and how to do it.

We know that roadmaps enable us to see beyond the myriad crossroads, find our destination, and  choose a route that will best deliver us there.

If we consult history, we can see that the crisscrossed stars and bars are part of a roadmap showing us that no matter which direction we turn by its guidance, no matter which route we take in accord with its roadways, the destination is always the same: human suffering rooted in the buying and the selling of human beings and sacrificing to slaughter young men who had nothing to benefit from winning the war–nothing to benefit by preserving an institution that was beyond their means and did not serve their interest.

It’s time to fold up that map and put it away, or at the very least acknowledge its irrelevance as source of decision and direction.

To those bear a deep affection for the direction the flag has provided them through life, please remember that the crisscrossed stars and bars provide no route or passage to justice, peace, or the compassionate love of humanity that opens heaven’s gates.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

 

Antenantiosis

Antenantiosis  (an’-ten-an’-ti-os’-is): See litotes. (Deliberate understatement, especially when expressing a thought by denying its opposite. The Ad Herennium author suggests litotes as a means of expressing modesty [downplaying one’s accomplishments] in order to gain the audience’s favor [establishing ethos]).

I have always loved going fast, fast food, and fasting.

As a tribute to my love of fast, and what I have allegedly accomplished in the name of fast, you Governor Christie and the New Jersey State Legislature have proclaimed this “Freddy Fast Fast Faster Day.”

Let me tell you what I think it took for you to decide to proclaim this Freddy Fast, Fast, Faster Day.

When I ran away from my wife and kids, talk about fast, they couldn’t believe I had packed and left in under two minutes. They didn’t even have time to start crying or asking for money!

As for fast food, I am the only person in the world to eat 12 McDonald’s Quarter-Pounders raw–that’s fast food as fast as it gets!

And now, ever since that vomit-stained day, I’ve been fasting–dieting for so long that people are calling it a hunger strike!

I am honored by having a holiday named in my honor, but I also have a confession to make.

If I were Roadrunner, or Mickey D’s mother, or a prisoner protesting about something by not eating anything, then, maybe I could say “I deserve this honor.”

When I found about it, I said out lound “I’m just plain Freddy.”

My bookie overheard me.  He smiled and said, “Freddy, in a New Jersey kind of a way, being fast to leave your family, being a fast-food junkie, and being an obese guy with B.O. and occasional diarrhea from fasting on prune juice and raw clams, you deserve to have a day named in your honor.”

Well, that did it. I said out loud, “There should be a Freddy Fast, Fast, Faster Day! Al said, “Yes!  And for the hell of it, let’s call it Freddy FFFer Day. Freddy,  you always were, and still are, an F’n F-er!”

And so, with all my heart, thank you Governor Christie and all you state Senators and Representatives who’ve made such a wonderful judgment call. I also want to thank my cousin Joey, who owed me, and Turtlehead who set me straight.

Happy Freddy FFFer Day! Fast, Fast, Faster!

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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