Tasis (ta’-sis): Sustaining the pronunciation of a word or phrase because of its pleasant sound. A figure apparent in delivery.
Ooooh. Aaaah. It was Fourth of July and the bombs were bursting in air. They gave proof that night that Dollar General could be looted with impunity. The whole damn town was watching the fireworks behind the Peter Max Middle School. The time was right to do what I came to do.
I was inconspicuous in my Continental soldier uniform. I had marched in the parade pulling an effigy of a Redcoat along the ground with a rope around his neck. Now, I was carrying a baseball bat to break a window and crawl inside the Dollar General.
I had my eye on the giant lawn sprinkler for about a month. It cost $100.00 so there was no way I could pay for it. I remember back in the day when the store was called “Everything for a Dollar.” Those were the days. I could afford anything I wanted: chewing gum, socks, toilet paper, even a frying pan. But, like everything else, things change, prices go up and people like me are forced into a lives of crime. Last week, I stole money from the offering basket at church. The week before that I wore a woman’s Halloween wig into the grocery store, stuck two coconuts under my shirt, and walked out without paying.
After Dollar General, I’m thinking about purse snatching outside “Joey’s Jewelry.” Lots of rich women shop there—perfect targets for theft. If they don’t have a purse, I’ll ask them out on a date. Haaaaa Ha.
There it was—the giant lawn sprinkler lurking in the shadows in front of me. I reached out and grabbed it. It was chained to the shelf. So instead, I grabbed a box of fifty rolls of toilet paper. “Better than nothing” I said to myself as I climbed back out the broken window.
My lawn would probably die in the drought from hell we were having, but at least I could wipe my ass all I wanted. Sweeeet!
Definitions courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu.
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