Tag Archives: prolepsis

Prolepsis

Prolepsis (pro-lep’-sis): (1) A synonym for procatalepsis [refuting anticipated objections]; (2) speaking of something future as though already done or existing. A figure of anticipation.


There’s a voice inside my head telling me to do things I don’t want to do. This morning, after breakfast, for the millionth time, it told me to brush my teeth. I told the voice that I had a position to take. It was “No.” The voice, Edward 2 (I’m Edward 1), always has a bunch of reasons why I should comply: your teeth will get cavities, your gums will bleed, your breath will stink, your teeth will yellow. We’ve been going through this since I was 11. I’m 32 now, and my ‘inconvenience’ argument has won every time because Edward 2 couldn’t make his BS reasons trump inconvenience—he tried once, about 8 years ago, to show how his asserted consequences posed a greater inconvenience than brushing my teeth. But he failed. Why does he continue trying to boss me around?

Now, I work at a transfer station on the Hudson River. My co-workers call me “Eddy the Tooth” or “Tooth” for short. Actually I have three teeth and they’re on the verge of falling out. This morning Edward 2 sounded like he was mocking—taunting me because of how things’ve worked out. I hate his “I told you so” tone as he tries to belittle me. Well, I’m going to show him! I’m getting dental implants: shiny new glistening white teeth! Edward 2 said: “Go ahead, it’s better than having that stinking hole in your face—go ahead, see if I care.” Finally, I had beaten Edward 2 at his own game. I came in for a smooth landing despite his advice.

I first discovered that things were going wrong when Edward 2 told me to put a plastic bag over my head and jump naked out my apartment window, which is seven stories up from the street below. I told Edward 2 that he was a petty bastard who couldn’t stand losing. His response? He made me to go outside and expose myself to an elderly woman walking home from the grocery store. It is nearly impossible to describe what it is like to be controlled by a voice in your head. All these years, Edward 2 had been a benign presence in my head, trying to steer me in the right direction. Now, he dispensed with reasoning, and had started commanding me to do things—things that Edward 1 was unable to resist.

So, I was ticketed for indecent exposure and had to go to court. As I told my story about Edward 2’s control over me, one of the jurors started to cry. The judge shook his head, as if to say, “Here we go again.” The jury found me guilty. The judge sentenced me to two months community service and 10 sessions with a court appointed psychologist. Edward 2 said: “Make a big loud fart.” I tried, but I couldn’t do it. He swore at me as we left the courthouse, and hummed Blue Oyster Cult’s “Don’t Fear The Reaper” really loud inside my head, and then out of my mouth. People turned and looked at me, but I couldn’t stop. I was doomed.

Thank God I was prescribed medical marijuana to make Edward 2 shut the hell up. I was high all the time, but now that Edward 2 was gone, a voice I called Edward 3 started talking. He kept saying “like” and “man” and “far out” and “wow”. He sounded like the guy in “Easy Rider” in the fringed coat. I liked Edward 3 a lot.

My community service consisted of scraping pigeon droppings off of park benches. That’s where I reconnected with the crying juror woman. She complimented me on my teeth, and right then, I knew we were in for something good. We went out to eat at a steak house where I could really show off me teeth—their ability to rip, tear, and chew. Suddenly Edward 2 showed up outside my head and told me to eat my date. In a panic, I ran outside and lit a joint and smoked it like a vacuum cleaner. I heard sirens headed my way. Very high, I went back into the restaurant and there was Edward 2 slashing my date with my steak knife. He was yelling “I am Edward 1, and I am going to eat you baby. Heat up the frying pan.” Shocked and terrified, and disgusted, Edward 3 and I ran out the door, and we’ve been running ever since, even though we were cleared—we are worried all the time that my completely insane identical twin brother will escape from Willow View and try to destroy my life again. Our parents had named us Edward 1 and Edward 2. I was Edward 1 because I was born first. Without thinking, I had named the voice in my head Edward 2. Since my twin has been locked up, Edward 2 in my head has been quiet. It’s all so confusing, but we’re ok. Edward 3 and I listen to music, make brownies, smoke dope, and drink craft beer. We are getting lonely though.

Gruyère tells us: “The sweetest of all sounds is that of the voice of the woman we love.” I haven’t named her yet, but I know she’s in there. It’s just a matter of time before she starts professing her love and we have something like phone sex inside my head.


Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu). Bracketed text added by Gorgias.

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Prolepsis

Prolepsis (pro-lep’-sis): (1) A synonym for procatalepsis [refuting anticipated objections]; (2) speaking of something future as though already done or existing. A figure of anticipation.


Mr. Rustle: You’re going to tell me we can’t afford it. I say we can afford it. We cut what we never use so it doesn’t just sit there earning 1% interest. We use what we cut to make investments with higher returns—like solar power or electric cars.

We are rich! We have invested wisely. Our fortunes have turned around. My advice has paid handsomely.

But of course, there is a handful of affected people who may resist my plan. You, Thaddeus, you’re only 8, you can’t possibly have anything to say. Esmeralda, you’re 16, almost an adult. You are brilliant in school and diligent in helping your mother. But I know you are polite enough never to contradict your father. So, Gretel, my loving wife. Would you contest my well-laid plan?

Mrs. Rustle: We can’t afford it.


Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu). Bracketed text added by Gorgias.

Buy a print edition of The Daily Trope! The print edition is entitled The Book of Tropes and is available on Amazon for $9.99. Also available from Kindle for $5.99.

Prolepsis

Prolepsis (pro-lep’-sis):  (1) A synonym for procatalepsis [refuting anticipated objections];  (2) speaking of something future as though already done or existing. A figure of anticipation.

1. We have the money!  We have the desire. We have the power. What’s holding us at bay? Nothing! Let’s do it.

2. The wall is a beautiful thing. I tell you, it keeps out illegal immigrants. It helps make America great again. It symbolizes our resolve. So, let’s set a budget and build it!

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu). Bracketed text added by Gorgias.

Buy a print edition of The Daily Trope! The print edition is entitled The Book of Tropes and is available on Amazon for $9.99.

Prolepsis

Prolepsis (pro-lep’-sis):  (1) A synonym for procatalepsis [refuting anticipated objections];  (2) speaking of something future as though already done or existing. A figure of anticipation.

1. They’re going to say that $12,000 is a lot of money to spend: period! We’re going to say that what we’re proposing to purchase today will give us at least, at a minimum, 15 years of service–15 years of enabling good things to happen here year after year after year.

We’re going to say: “Do the math, that’s $800 per year! If you’re willing to spend $15,000+ for a one-time event that’s here tonight and gone in the morning, is rowdy and raucus, leaves the lawn littered with trash, sends people to the emergency room, and is the herald of morning-after booze-induced pain–all in the name of FUN, you should certainly be willing to invest $12,000.00 in 15 years of quiet, clean, safe, and painless FUN.

2. I can’t believe you posted our video on YouTube. We better start writing our obituaries. We are dead!

  • Post your own prolepsis on the “Comments” page!

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu). Bracketed text added by Gorgias.

Prolepsis

Prolepsis (pro-lep’-sis):  (1) A synonym for procatalepsis [refuting anticipated objections];  (2) speaking of something future as though already done or existing. A figure of anticipation.

1. They’re going to keep telling you that my economic policies have failed. I’m going to keep telling you that they have failed to adopt my economic policies. How can something that’s never been tried fail?

2. What’s done is done. We are dead, but we will not be forgotten. Onward!

  • Post your own prolepsis on the “Comments” page!

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu). Bracketed text added by Gorgias.

Prolepsis

Prolepsis (pro-lep’-sis):  (1) A synonym for procatalepsis [refuting anticipated objections];  (2) speaking of something future as though already done or existing. A figure of anticipation.

1. They’re going to say we don’t have the competence or depth of commitment to make this plan succeed. Well, we say that we’ve never yet undertaken a project that we didn’t have the brains to carry through to successful completion. We’re not in the business of proposing to do things that we’re unable to do!  As far as commitment is concerned–we’ve been at this for the past 5 years, forging ahead and making good things happen for this organization.  Given our steady 5-year track record, we don’t think it’s too hard to believe we’re dedicated to the cause and that our resolve is unwavering. Bottom line: same old reservations, same old show them that they’re wrong!

2. The die is cast. There’s no turning back. Tomorrow is tomorrow, but today might as well be tomorrow. It’s all over.

  • Post your own prolepsis on the “Comments” page!

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu). Bracketed text added by Gorgias.

Prolepsis

Prolepsis (pro-lep’-sis):  (1) A synonym for procatalepsis [refuting anticipated objections];  (2) speaking of something future as though already done or existing. A figure of anticipation.

1. They’re going to say we don’t have the resources–the experiential and material capital to pull this one off. Well, I say, we’ve accomplished similar goals–even more challenging goals–in the past. Remember the Foster deal? Complicated!  But it came off like clockwork! We made a bundle and everybody was happy. And moreover, as far as the money goes, we’ve always managed to raise the funds we need to finance our ventures. Remember how quickly we secured financing for the Panama project? What about the 600 cargo containers for the Singapore deal? Let’s not forget the oyster farm! We’re all over the map–but all roads lead back to due diligence, well-calculated risks, and happy investors.  Come on–let’s go for it!

2. I can’t believe you told her about last night. My Spam is fried. The end. That’s it. We’re through.

  • Post your own prolepsis on the “Comments” page!

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu). Bracketed text added by Gorgias.