Tag Archives: example

Metaplasm

Metaplasm (met’-a-plazm): A general term for orthographical figures (changes to the spelling of words). This includes alteration of the letters or syllables in single words, including additions, omissions, inversions, and substitutions. Such changes are considered conscious choices made by the artist or orator for the sake of eloquence or meter, in contrast to the same kinds of changes done accidentally and discussed by grammarians as vices (see barbarism). See: antistheconaphaeresisapocopeepenthesisparagoge, synaloepha.

That Donald Trump sure isn’t humbly-bumbly–he’s an arrogantic ego-normous self promoting meopolis: A narcissistic sprawl of blighted plans, ramshackle proposals, and dangerous roads and highways.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Metastasis

Metastasis (me-tas’-ta-sis): Denying and turning back on your adversaries arguments used against you.

The so-called bipartisan report states that I should’ve been better prepared to deal with what was the likelihood of an almost certain attack on our outpost in Benghazi–that we shouldn’t have had high-level assets stationed at such a high-risk location.

All I can say at this point is, as a consequence of Congressional cutbacks to funding of on-the-ground intelligence and expenditures on defensive fortifications of US Government outposts during my time as Secretary of State, I would’ve been surprised to have had any solid information whatsoever as to impending attacks, or anything else for that matter. Moreover, I repeatedly petitioned Congress to fill the intelligence and equipment gaps so I could more effectively do my job and ensure, as much as humanly possible, the safety of our personnel stationed in Libya.

Given the resources I was provided with, I exercised due diligence in my decisions to keep Ambassador Stevens and the CIA Contractors in place.

You may criticize me all day long, but you might as well be criticizing yourselves. When you want to know who is to blame for Benghazi, look at each other and hang your heads.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Metonymy

Metonymy (me-ton’-y-my): Reference to something or someone by naming one of its attributes. [This may include effects or any of the four Aristotelian causes {efficient/maker/inventor, material, formal/shape, final/purpose}.]

Don’t iron your ideas so flat that they sound like cicadas humming somewhere in Kansas!

Damn! I don’t even know if they’ve got cicadas in Kansas–but you get my point, right?

Go for TA-DA instead of HMMMMM–more people will listen, and that’s half the battle!

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Definition courtesy of “Sliva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu). Bracketed text added by Gorgias.

Ominatio

Ominatio (o-mi-na’-ti-o): A prophecy of evil.

Lo unto you, I prophecy:

A bleak darkness shall enwrap merry Olde England in a stinking miasma of bigoted gasses and shattered dreams, fanned throughout the land by droll talking heads and political buskers.

Many Pounds will be shed on an unwanted diet of economic deprivation as the Exchequer lies abed, gasping for hard currency, all skin and bones, yet unrepentant, as the marketplace turns to fire and our brave Investors hose it with Euros in a vain attempt to quell its catastrophic flames.

BREXIT has, shall, and will spell cold hearths, broken hearts and empty purses. Our children will suffer. Our economy will burn out like a super nova, leaving us to observe only smoke and ruin.

As the Crown shall surely fall, an independent Scotland will ascend to its former glory, as its Auld Alliance is resurrected and it stands proudly alongside France, a dire threat to England once again!

Beware! The worm is turning.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Onedismus

Onedismus (on-e-dis’-mus): Reproaching someone for being impious or ungrateful.

built a real-estate empire.” “I” is your favorite word. What about “We?” We never hear “We.” Is it because “We” don’t matter?

It is obvious–so obvious–that you could not have done it alone! Every once in awhile you acknowledge your children or your wife,  but they’re just an extension of you!

If you want my vote, I need to hear you start saying “We” when you refer to “your” accomplishments. Show some gratitude around the circle of others who have supported you, advised you, guided you and  made you a success–give US a place in the limelight. WE are tired of living in your shadow.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.ed).

Onomatopoeia

Onomatopoeia (on-o-mat-o-pee’-a): Using or inventing a word whose sound imitates that which it names (the union of phonetics and semantics).

YOU: Yes sir, that’s my baby. No sir, I don’t mean maybe. Hubba Hubba Hub cap. That’s my gal. Boo poopie doo.

ME: Dave! Your hubcap collecting has gotten out of control. Nobody wants to see you dancing naked on the front porch with a hubcap duct-taped to your crotch.

Put down the beer. Get inside! Put on some clothes! Call it a day!

YOU: Yes sir, that’s my wife. No sir, I do mean strife. Yes sir, she’s a major zip in my ass right now!

Hey wife! Hubcaps have one function: to cover lug nuts.

So, what’s my hubcap doing?

Ha! Ha!

ME: Dave, there’s a crowd gathering on our front lawn. I think I hear the woo wah woo wah of police cars headed up the street.

Get the hell inside!!!

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Optatio

Optatio (op-ta’-ti-o): Expressing a wish, often ardently.

Y: I wish I could lift 300 pounds. It would be so cool to be a strong man. I could lift the front of a car, or a ATM, or all the crap piled up in your bedroom. I could be called “King Crap Lifter.” Your friends would probably build a monument to me!

OH! How I wish, I wish, I wish!

Z: Go for it dad. It’s about the only thing you’ve wished for since I was born. Your daydreams are like specks of dirt on a cracked camera lens. What you make wishes for are like specks of dirt on the specks of dirt.

So: Go for it King Hernia! And while you’re blowing out an intestine, I wish you’d pay me an allowance; then I might start picking things up.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetorica” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Orcos

Orcos (or’-kos): Swearing that a statement is true.

X: Where is my red shirt?

RAY: I have no idea.

X: You lie you die!

RAY: I swear on my mother’s grave: I DO NOT KNOW.

X: Your mother is alive and well in Miami.

RAY: Well then, I swear on your mother’s grave.

X: That does it. Put up your hands. I’m taking you in.

RAY: Hello, 911? My roommate has flipped his widget–what’s that? His widget! It’s just a figure of speech, like flipping one’s wig, or flipping out.

Now, please send somebody over! He’s threatening me–he is pointing his cheap Chinese spatula at me. He’s waving it around. HURRY!

X: I see my shirt under the couch. Sorry.

RAY: Dumb ass.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Oxymoron

Oxymoron (ox-y-mo’-ron): Placing two ordinarily opposing terms adjacent to one another. A compressed paradox.

Hilary is exuberantly pessimistic about Trump’s chances of being elected. Trump, on the other hand, is caustically optimistic that he’s going to win.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Paenismus

Paenismus (pai-nis’-mus): Expressing joy for blessings obtained or an evil avoided.

Hark! I bring tidings of comfort and joy!

My new underpants from Duluth Trading Post are all they’re ‘cracked’ up to be.

I walk in comfort. I sit in comfort. I stand in comfort. I live in comfort.

Oh the comfort and joy! No more binding or chafing.

These underpants are my salvation.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Palilogia

Palilogia (pa-li-lo’-gi-a): Repetition of the same word, with none between, for vehemence. Synonym for epizeuxis.

Money! Money!

Money! Money!

Isn’t there anything in the world you give a damn about except money?

Money in the morning.

Money in the afternoon.

Money in the evening.

Money at night–we sleep with money, dream with money, make love with money, wake up with money!

Money! Money! Money!

Put your mind and you mouth on something besides money, or I’m putting my ass on a taxi seat headed to the airport.

Got it? Shut up about money!

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Parabola

Parabola (par-ab’-o-la): The explicit drawing of a parallel between two essentially dissimilar things, especially with a moral or didactic purpose. A parable.

We are ready to eat!

We hear that we’re having chicken noodle soup made out of freshly slaughtered, coarsely-chopped, boiled chicken meat and boiled & diced chicken organs, with some chicken bones, broth, noodles & maybe a few carrots, salt, pepper, and parsley.

Yech.

(For the sake of the diners, it would seem that sometimes it may be better to just call the chicken noodle soup “chicken noodle soup.”)

Accordingly, sometimes no detail is enough detail.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Paragoge

Paragoge (par-a-go’-ge): The addition of a letter or syllable to the end of a word. A kind of metaplasm.

Pundits are predicting that Pontius ‘The Donald’ Trump will wash his hands & remain impartial as Christ Christie is sentenced by the “Press” to crucifixion just for being asked by Ivana to serve as Vice President!

(We predict Christ Christie will bargain his sentence down to public flogging, and eventually have it dismissed. We predict Christie WILL BE Pontius Trump’s running mate. God bless New Jersey.)

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Paralipsis

Paralipsis (par-a-lip’-sis): Stating and drawing attention to something in the very act of pretending to pass it over (see also cataphasis). A kind of irony.

It would be ridiculous mentioning your obsession with i-Hop’s dessert pancakes as your only real direct engagement with anything remotely international as in the “International House of Pancakes.” I won’t mention how your negotiating skills consistently earn you a double dollop of cream cheese icing on your beloved red velvet pancakes. Why won’t I mention it? It is totally beside the point.

Now, back to reality! How do you think your experience as a negotiator will preclude a nuclear war or, on a less apocalyptic note, a renewal of the cold war?

I know I’m probably asking you to compare securing extra pancake toppings with saving Western Civilization as we know it, but hey, I’m a journalist and the American people deserve a double-dollop of claptrap as much as you deserve a double dollop of cream cheese icing.

So, Mr. Trump: pancakes or apocalypse? Which is it? The American people have a right to know.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Paramythia (pa-ra-mee’-thi-a): An expression of consolation and encouragement.

You can’t win ’em all. Look, you’re only 17 years old. Forget about politics for the next 20 years!

Look, Uncle George wasn’t anything at all his whole life until he was in his 40s, then, presto, like magic he was Governor of Texas and President of the USA. Like your uncle, you ought to dedicate your youth to cocaine, alcohol, Country Western Dancing, and screwing up oil companies. These are developmental experiences and will prepare you for a later life of public service.

Now, chin up. Have a beer. Relax.

Ha Ha!

Have another beer!

You’ll get there–take it from your Grand Daddy (do not listen to your Aunt Laura–she’s a stick in the mud & doesn’t know the difference between a bad time, lunch time, and happy hour).

Here’s to you, boy! “May your youthful indiscretions prepare you to lead the United States of America into the next Cold War.”

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Paraprosdokian

Paraprosdokian: A figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase [or series = anticlimax] is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe the first part. . . . For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists. An especially clever paraprosdokian not only changes the meaning of an early phrase, but also plays on the double meaning of a particular word.(1)

“A house divided can be sublet.” Abraham Linkedin (St. Petersburg Address: 1 Dali Blvd. 33701)

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1. “Paraprosdokian.” WikipediaThe Free Encyclopedia. 4 Jan 2008, 03:30 UTC. Wikimedia Foundation, Inc. 9 Jan 2008 <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paraprosdokian>.

Paregmenon (pa-reg’-men-on): A general term for the repetition of a word or its cognates in a short sentence. Often, but not always, polyptoton.

Today, tonight, tomorrow. Today, the election. Tonight the results.

Tomorrow, perhaps there will be sorrow, but that sorrow will be assuaged by our gratitude and our hope–our gratitude for how far we were able to come and our hope for a future filled with the echoes of our voices, and responsive to the critical insights that our continued solidarity engenders and demands.

But tonight may be the most joyous night we have seen, felt, or known in our entire lives. Let us hope–hope for the fulfillment of our dream–a dream made real by promises kept and a faith well-formed by ideals of human togetherness sweetly resonant with the fundamental tenet of virtually all orders of faith–whether secular or sacred, or something else: Love your neighbor.

So, regardless of whether we laugh or cry tonight or tomorrow, we are made whole by the power of love–by the power of love, love, love. Love today. Love tonight. Love tomorrow. The power love.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Pareuresis (par-yur-ee’-sis): To put forward a convincing excuse. [Shifting the blame.]

I tried my hardest to keep from telling the truth–I did everything I could to misrepresent Bernie’s basic platform as a paean to neo-facist-socialist-racism, only to be thwarted by David Duke’s conversion to the Church of the Later-Day Saints and fervent support of what he calls Bernie’s “nice-guy agenda.”

I tried my best to paint Donald Trump as connected to the Church of Satan as one of the Evil One’s minions, but Anton LaVay spilled the hot coals and claimed that Donald Trump makes him want to sing songs from “Annie.”  After singing “Tomorrow” continuously for 12 hours and raising $1,000,000.00 for Mr. Trump, Mr. LaVay left for Rome and a private audience with Pope Francis and Vince, the spokesperson for Shamwow.

Given the opposition’s fluidity, credibility, and willingness to go 360, there’s no way I can besmirch Bernie or Donald–even with the truth!

Accordingly, I think the time has come!

We better call Bill: the world’s greatest truth-twister, accusation generator, and umbrage taker. He can spin innuendo faster than Duke or LaVay can detect it and deal with it, and he can dance around the truth with more gusto, flash, sensuality, and clarity than Maria Pagés does with her soul-trancing tangos.

Call the massage parlor & tell him to get his slap-happy campaign butt over here!

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu). Bracketed text added by Gorgias.

Paroemia

Paroemia (pa-ri’-mi-a): One of several terms describing short, pithy sayings. Others include adage, apothegm, gnome, maxim, proverb, and sententia.

“When the going gets tough, the tough get life insurance.” Anon.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Paroemion

Paroemion (par-mi’-on): Alliteration taken to an extreme where nearly every word in a sentence begins with the same consonant. Sometimes, simply a synonym for alliteration or for homoeoprophoron [a stylistic vice].

Ted’s facial tic taps tarnished truths too terrible to try to tell to trendsetters, tattletales, Trumpers, torqueheads, ticket takers, taxi trippers, troublemakers, totalitarians, tapdancers, truckdrivers, tippers, timekeepers, trackers, trappers, techies, turncoats or his mommy, who will spank him.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Paromoiosis

Paromoiosis (par-o-moy-o’-sis): Parallelism of sound between the words of adjacent clauses whose lengths are equal or approximate to one another. The combination of isocolon and assonance.

I look out my hard frosted window.

I take my eyes to the soft darkening glow.

I watch the tinted crust of weeks-old snow.

No man. No husband. No father. No lover. No daughter. No son.

Empty. Untrodden. Pristine. Untouched. He will not come.

What is done, is done.

I am a widow gouged by my loss.

You are the “grateful nation”

who “appreciate my husband’s service”

and see his death as a warranted cost.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Paromologia

Paromologia (par-o-mo-lo’-gi-a): Conceding an argument, either jestingly and contemptuously, or to prove a more important point. A synonym for concessio.

Ok Ok, so I’m wrong about Hillary’s boob job–it was a good boob job! In the past 10 years I’ve become a better judge of boob jobs. Hillary’s has withstood the test of time. It has aged wonderfully and currently fits her frumpy shape.  I guess you could say she had foresight, but 10 years–come on–we need to plan a little closer to the present to really make a difference.

Take my Mexican “Wall Job” for example. It actually has a completion date set.  Not only that, over time we can build it taller and taller–some day it may cast a shadow over all of Mexico, making us more competitive in agriculture, while at the same time keeping every illegal out of our sacred USA!

But that’s not all–we can plaster the wall with solar panels and make the United States of America the solar energy center of the world.

God bless America.

God bless you.

God bless me: Donald Trump, Wealthy Seer, Real Estate Mogul, and the next president of the United States of America!

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Paronomasia

Paronomasia (pa-ro-no-ma’-si-a): Using words that sound alike but that differ in meaning (punning).

Finally we have somebody who knows the difference between a paratrooper and a parasailor–US Army airborne and US Navy S.E.A.L.s. Just remember, though, S.E.A.L.s are generally not towed by speedboats until they float aloft–they are sailors, not sailers! Anyway, only God and WARCOM know all the ways S.E.A.L.s may be deployed! But one thing is for sure: air, earth, or water, they never para-diddle!

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Parrhesia

Parrhesia (par-rez’-i-a): Either to speak candidly or to ask forgiveness for so speaking. Sometimes considered a vice.

Joe: “I’m sorry, but you smell like you’ve been swimming in dog shit.”

Beth: “Don’t you know the difference between dog shit and cow shit?”

Joe: “Well, I’ve got to say ‘No’ and thank-god for that! Where I come from, Shit is shit. End of story.”

Beth: “Where are you from?”

Joe: “Stoner, BC.”

Beth: “Oh, I’m from Ding Dong, Texas.”

Joe: “Wow, cool! But, I hate to say it, you still smell like dog shit or cow shit or whatever the hell kind of shit you’ve been rolling in.  Why don’t you catch a quick shower, dump on some sexy cologne, and we can meet out by the pool?”

Beth: “Oh Joe–I think I’m going to be your cowgirl in the sand! See you at the pool.”

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Pathopoeia

Pathopoeia ( path-o-poy’-a): A general term for speech that moves hearers emotionally, especially as the speaker attempts to elicit an emotional response by way of demonstrating his/her own feelings (exuscitatio). Melanchthon explains that this effect is achieved by making reference to any of a variety of pathetic circumstances: the time, one’s gender, age, location, etc

I closed my eyes, but the darkness made me more aware of the smell–unblended, sharply distinct smells squeezing through the sticky blood oozing from my nose–organic, inorganic: chalky dust from powdered plaster, rubber, blood (theirs), offal (theirs), burnt plastic, piss (my own), and through the ringing in my ears: unstoppable shrieks, droning groans: the sort of uncontrollable keening whining sound brain-injured victims make as they hover on the edge of comatose, and the tearful, angry, fearful, pain wracked, sorrowful, terrified yelling: “Help me” and “fucking hell,” “god damn it,” “my baby,””Jesus Christ,””shit,””fuck,” “I can’t see” and more.

Tractor trailer on its side–smoking. At least eight cars, and pickups and a FEDEX truck smoking and burning, leaking oil and gasoline, slickening and shining the pavement with rainbow pollutants. Among the dead, one teen-aged kid still clutches a blue and white can of America’s cheapest beer brand–the torn case crumpled behind her; cardboard soaking up her blood, cans strewn for fifty yards. Her legs are severed from her torso, below what used to be her hips. And she’s not the only one mutilated beyond belief, but there are others dead from crushed chests and skulls, others sitting sobbing bleeding grieving, others sitting cracked, fractured and broken, others are milling about. Still others, who escaped injury, trying to help what might be the handful of helpable victims: coats become blankets, blankets become shawls, flares are lit and cast their emergency-red glow and shadows of the fallen, the standing, the sitting, the kneeling awash in tangled metal, tires, mirrors, glass and chrome, scattered on the cold hard asphalt.

Broken car horns blare in competition with far off sirens singing “we are on are on our way.” “We are on are on our way.” “We are on are on our way.”

. . .

And the happy little nineteen-year-old student sits at the lunch table, staring at the old professor as he takes a sip from the third glass of  wine he’s had in the past 2.5 hours. She weighs 99 pounds; he weighs 265. She’s about 5.5 feet tall; he is 6 feet 3 inches. He has a beard. She has a smooth freckled face.

As it happens every once in awhile the old professor’s head has come alive with clogged-up Vietnam memory lanes, veins, and arteries. God only knows what triggers it, but there he is, fighting for his sanity while the happy little nineteen-year-old and the other five students chomp away on whatever they want! The old professor is generous. He thinks, “We could all be dead.” And then his stomach jumps and the happy little nineteen-year-old laughs and looks up at him from behind her fork. He fakes a smile. He wants to go to bed.  He wants to watch television. He wants to be asleep. He wants to be somewhere else, living in somebody else’s head. Sometimes he just wants to be dead.

“Time to go.” “Finish up,” I say. “Big day tomorrow.”

I drive them back to the hotel.

The next day, at lunch, the happy little nineteen-year-old tells me she feared for her life “last night” when I drove them all back to the hotel after “drinking.”

I am horrified. I am stung. I am worried. I say, “After all I’ve been through, do you think I would ever put you or any other student in harm’s way?” She says, “You are not allowed to drink,  and especially, drink and drive. I will not tell the Dean if you promise not to tell anybody we had this conversation.”

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).