Tag Archives: acervatio

Acervatio

Acervatio (ak-er-va’-ti-o): Latin term Quintilian employs for both asyndeton (acervatio dissoluta: a loose heap) and polysyndeton (acervatio iuncta:a conjoined heap).


I am a big, bold, beer swilling man from Binghamton. I roll my cigarettes with comic book covers—Batman, Archie, Little LuLu, Flash Gordon, and Donald Duck. I eat cold soup from the can. I am the man! That is, until I have to go to the Post Office.

First—there are the wanted posters. I robbed a mail truck five years ago. My baklava got caught on the truck’s door and pulled off. The driver told me he’d “”keep it quiet” and never say what I look like to anybody, not even the FBI. I told him I really appreciated it, and from now on I would send all my mail overnight express, to help the postal service compete more effectively with FEDEX or UPS. Of course, I was lying, but under the circumstances it was all I could come up with. He was lying too. Soon, I saw an artist’s sketch of a guy that looked a lot like me hanging in my neighborhood Post Office. I was described as armed and dangerous—if you saw me you were supposed to call 911. But the only arms I had were hanging out of my shoulders, and dangerous? I was about as dangerous as an earthworm.

Second—I met my 4th wife Luletta in line at the Post Office. I was there to mail mother’s birthday present. I had gotten my mother an electric potato masher. The box said it could be used to mash vegetables, and also provide “a deep massage.” I have since found out what “deep message” means. Mother never complained. Luletta was holding a fairly large, and poorly taped, and scuffed up, and unwieldy cardboard box. It was wet on one of the bottom corners, and it was dripping almost imperceptibly, and I knew that the postal clerk would refuse it. I had my packing tape in my back pack, so I offered to help. Lulleta and I cut out of line and went over to a corner. We knelt down with our backs to the cue and added tape to her box, to try to seal the leak. Weirdly, it seemed to stop leaking. I asked her what was in the box. She looked around furtively and whispered “Stolen snow globes from Macy’s. I’m sending them to the orphanage where my son lives.” “Wait! You’re alive! How can your son be in an orphanage!” Luletta answered, “I might as well be dead. I ran away from an ICU after I fell out a window. I wanted to disappear. They were too understaffed to look for me, so they declared me dead. Everybody felt sorry for the hospital orderlies, so the coroner colluded, eventually burying a big wad of dirty laundry as me.” Luletta’s package passed muster and we left the Post Office and went to my apartment, and smoked some weed, and decided to get married. She was insane and actually thought she was dead. She spent most of her days lying her back on the couch with her hands crossed over her chest, with somber organ music playing on our CD player. I divorced her as soon as I could.

Third—so, between the wanted poster and memories of Luletta, the Post Office repelled me. I was very patriotic, so I did not want to turn to FEDEX or to UPS to pick up and deliver my packages. So, I decided to wear a disguise when I had to go to the Post Office: big buck teeth, thick black rimmed glasses, and a black Beatles wig. I thought I had it covered. When I wore my disguise to the post office for the first time, the guy in line in front of me started pointing toward the wanted posters and nodding his head. The post office clerk was gesturing and speaking excitedly into his cellphone. Suddenly, one of the other postal clerks appeared outside the door and locked it. I looked at the wanted posters and there was one with a man’s picture on it that looked like he had stolen my disguise! We looked like twins. I was arrested. When I removed my disguise, the Fed realized who I really was. I was tried and convicted of stealing US Mail.

After serving 1 year, I was recently paroled. Even though I’ve served my time, trips to the post office still make me shudder. I have started collecting postage stamps as a way of confronting my fears. Today, I found a Pee Wee Herman stamp. It made me feel better.


Definitions courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Buy a print edition of The Daily Trope! The print edition is entitled The Book of Tropes and is available on Amazon for $9.99.

Acervatio

Acervatio (ak-er-va’-ti-o): Latin term Quintilian employs for both asyndeton (acervatio dissoluta: a loose heap) and polysyndeton (acervatio iuncta:a conjoined heap).


Asyndeton: the omission of conjunctions between clauses, often resulting in a hurried rhythm or vehement effect.

Hurry, hurry, hurry. Time is flying, running, rolling. This may be your last chance to cash in on Bitcoins! You say you don’t know what the hell a Bitcoin is? You say you’re nervous? I’m nervous too! That’s why I’m investing in Bitcoins. I’’m afraid they will all be gone if I don’t act now and relieve myself of a few hundred old-fashioned dollars to reap miraculous rewards. Go to your bank, wire the money, get rich, feel good. Go crypto!

Polysydeton: employing many conjunctions between clauses, often slowing the tempo or rhythm.

I went to the Merryland Mall, and the parking lot was almost empty, so I parked where I wanted to park, and I got out of my car, and went inside to buy some socks and a big bag of dog food for my dog, and also, for making dog food cookies to give away at the nursing home to the residents, and nurses, and doctors, and visitors, and janitorial staff. That’s why I needed a fifty-pound bag of Hungry Pup.

The cookies are easy to make: weigh and pour 2 lbs of dog food into a large brown paper shopping bag, and roll up top of bag to close, then stomp on the bag until there is no more crunching sound, now pour dog food dust into large mixing bowl, then add 3 cups of water and 2 oz. of vodka. Now, put in one cup of sugar and mix vigorously with small tree branch or rubber bone with bell inside. Next, scoop out cookie-size glops of dog food dough and slap them onto a cookie sheet, and then, bake them in your oven at 350 degrees for 20 minutes. When they are done, you can add one M&M to the top of each cookie, for color and flavor. Now, set your cookies out to cool, and be careful if you have a dog. Lock your dog in the closet until the cookies are cooled and you have put them in the trunk of your car.

There! You have made the cheapest cookies on the planet.

I finally found a pair of red socks, and put them in my shopping cart with the jumbo bag of Hungry Pup, and headed for checkout. Soon, I would be home and wearing my new socks, and baking dog food cookies for the old people.


Definitions courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Buy a print edition of The Daily Trope! The print edition is entitled The Book of Tropes and is available on Amazon for $9.99.

Acervatio

Acervatio (ak-er-va’-ti-o): Latin term Quintilian employs for both asyndeton (acervatio dissoluta: a loose heap) and polysyndeton (acervatio iuncta: a conjoined heap).

Asyndeton: the omission of conjunctions between clauses, often resulting in a hurried rhythm or vehement effect.

Go, hurry, move it! Don’t stop now! Let’s end debate and vote on the insane immigration policy before King Pee Wee Brain changes his mind again about the direction the country should be headed. I know it may be a mistake, but having the NRA work together with ICE to police hapless immigrants and elderly homeless people might just make the USA a better place–a better place than what, I don’t know. Maybe an overflowing septic tank or the surface of Mars? However it does not matter: in order to keep the party intact and mini-brain in office we have to make it look like there is strong consensus on everything coming forward–a consensus that squares with turtle brain’s dimwitted hopes. So–move it, move it, move it!

Polysydeton: employing many conjunctions between clauses, often slowing the tempo or rhythm.

He told us he did not pay the hush money and it was his lawyer who had all the answers, and then his new lawyer told us he has paid the money, and then he told us he did’t pay the money, and then he told us he paid the money, and his new lawyer told us he may have paid tons more than first disclosed to more women to shut them up. At that point he shut up. Did he pay himself to shut himself up? You’ll have to ask his lawyer Rudy, who seems to be a little stupid. But is he stupid like a fox? I don’t think so. I think he’s stupid like a duck.

Definitions courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Buy a print edition of The Daily Trope! The print edition is entitled The Book of Tropes and is available on Amazon for $9.99.

Acervatio

Acervatio (ak-er-va’-ti-o): Latin term Quintilian employs for both asyndeton (acervatio dissoluta: a loose heap) and polysyndeton (acervatio iuncta: a conjoined heap).

Asyndeton: the omission of conjunctions between clauses, often resulting in a hurried rhythm or vehement effect.

Walk, run, trot, jog, fly! Time is running out on the avocado sale at the grocery store! Go! Go!

Polysydeton: employing many conjunctions between clauses, often slowing the tempo or rhythm.

I went to the drugstore, and I got my prescription filled, and I saw a friend from high school, and we decided to have a couple of diet cokes, and we talked, and after that I went home and took my medication.

I am boring, and my life is boring, and I’m glad.

Definitions courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Buy a print edition of The Daily Trope! The print edition is entitled The Book of Tropes and is available on Amazon for $9.99.

Acervatio

Acervatio (ak-er-va’-ti-o): Latin term Quintilian employs for both asyndeton (acervatio dissoluta: a loose heap) and polysyndeton (acervatio iuncta: a conjoined heap).

Asyndeton: the omission of conjunctions between clauses, often resulting in a hurried rhythm or vehement effect.

Stand up, speak, talk, yell, gesture, cry, scream, laugh, cry again–do whatever needs to be done to move the constipated blocks of stinking cheese euphemistically called “the audience.”

Let them know, if they don’t get up and go, another child will cry, and go hungry, and be dehydrated, and fall overboard, and drown, and end up face-down-dead on a beach instead of chasing blue waves and laughing, and eating ice cream, and watching shore birds, and paddling, and swimming to his mother’s outstretched arms!

Polysydeton: employing many conjunctions between clauses, often slowing the tempo or rhythm.

Stand up, speak, talk, yell, gesture, cry, scream,laugh, cry again–do whatever needs to be done to move the constipated blocks of stinking cheese euphemistically called “the audience.”

Let them know, if they don’t get up and go, another child will cry, and go hungry, and be dehydrated, and fall overboard, and drown, and end up face-down-dead on a beach instead of chasing blue waves, and laughing, and eating ice cream, and watching shore birds, and paddling, and swimming to his mother’s outstretched arms!

Definitions courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Buy a print edition of The Daily Trope! The print edition is entitled The Book of Tropes and is available on Amazon for $9.99.

 

Acervatio

Acervatio (ak-er-va’-ti-o): Latin term Quintilian employs for both asyndeton (acervatio dissoluta: a loose heap) and polysyndeton (acervatio iuncta: a conjoined heap).

Asyndeton: the omission of conjunctions between clauses, often resulting in a hurried rhythm or vehement effect.

Close your eyes, feel your heart, open your eyes, now start. Start being here, being where is was is, now and again.

Polysydeton: employing many conjunctions between clauses, often slowing the tempo or rhythm.

After doing a little shopping, on my way to the parking lot I tripped in a pothole and I dropped my bag of oranges, and I skinned my knee, and I twisted my ankle, and I was humiliated, and I was late to work, and I got yelled at by the manager, and I’m going to hire a lawyer, and I’m going to sue Walymart!

  • Post your own acervatio on the “Comments” page!

Definitions courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Acervatio

Acervatio (ak-er-va’-ti-o): Latin term Quintilian employs for both asyndeton (acervatio dissoluta: a loose heap) and polysyndeton (acervatio iuncta: a conjoined heap).

Asyndeton: the omission of conjunctions between clauses, often resulting in a hurried rhythm or vehement effect.

We practice, we play, we win, we lose, we love it! That’s it. That’s our game plan. Let’s go!

Polysydeton: employing many conjunctions between clauses, often slowing the tempo or rhythm.

You told me you were my friend, and you let me believe you were going to help me, and you kept me thinking everything was going to be all right, and then you walked out the door, and you didn’t leave a trace, and all my dreams were shattered; and now you’re asking me to forgive you and welcome you back like nothing happened at all? Get out!

  • Post your own acervatio on the “Comments” page!

Definitions courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).