Category Archives: anesis

Anesis (an’-e-sis): Adding a concluding sentence that diminishes the effect of what has been said previously. The opposite of epitasis.

I was going to ride a horse! For 25 cents in the slot it bucked up and down for five minutes. I always wanted to be a cowboy: home, home on the range where the sheep and the beavers play.

I dropped the 25 cents in the slot. Nothing happened. Suddenly there was a cracking sound and I was bathed in red light. My play clothes tore off and I was dressed in cowboy clothes—white pearl snap shirt with horseshoes embroidered on it, broken-in Levi’s and lizard skin boots. Finally, I was wearing a giant white hat that came over my ears. Me and Tony (the horse) were bucking across the prairie. His electrical chord had grown to at least two miles long, so he could buck just about anywhere.

We bucked into a box canyon. We were trapped in it by the “Cannibal Pioneers.” Their story was a sad one. They were on their way to California. One of their members fell off his wagon and was crushed to death. The cult’s credo was “Waste not want not.” So, they ate him. They found him to be quite delicious. So now, they travel the countryside eating hapless travelers and farmers. Given their diet, they are all at least 20-30 pounds overweight, and many of them have heart problems,

Tony and I were going to make a break for it. I had another quarter I could use to get us out of there. I dropped it in the slot and we began bucking like there was an earthquake. We bucked at the assembled miscreants. They made way for us. They were human-eating cowards.

The wind blew and my cowboy clothes were torn off and replaced by my shorts and t-shirt and Birkenstocks. I was excited by my adventure! I told my mother about it and she made me eat a handful of her meds—the ones that keep her sitting on the couch all day. As I sat on the couch all day, I relived my adventure, but I changed it so the “Cannibal Pioneers” ate my mother.

Definitions courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Daily Trope is available in an early edition on Amazon in paperback under the title of The Book of Tropes for $9.95. It is also available in Kindle format for $5.99.

Anesis (an’-e-sis): Adding a concluding sentence that diminishes the effect of what has been said previously. The opposite of epitasis.

It was a beautiful sunset. I was sitting on the beach, observing it. My shorts were soaking wet and the sand was sticking to my arms. I did not like it one bit. I had been stung by a jellyfish a couple of hours ago. My foot was swollen and I felt like shit. If this was vacation, I’d rather be working. My girlfriend Shelly had talked me into this. Here I was on the beach in Ecuador. There was nothing to do except sit on the beach and run to the restroom every half-hour or so. Shelly had disappeared and I didn’t give a damn. Knowing her, she probably found a new boyfriend. Maybe I’d see her on the plane home unless she changed her reservation.

I was eating a Guinea Pig sandwich for lunch, along with a glass of rum, when a kid came to my table and handed me an envelope addressed to me in the worst handwriting I had ever seen in my life. The letter inside was from Shelly. At least it was in her handwriting. She told me she had joined a cult “The Motorcycles of Moses.” I had heard of them before. National Geographic had done a story on them. Like their name indicates, they are a motorcycle gang, and a cult at the same time. They venerate Moses’s beard. All members have a big white bushy beard, including the women. They are devoted to living in accord with The Ten Commandments (as they interpret them). For example, “Thou shalt not kill.” They interpret that to mean “hire a hit man to do it.” So, they’re bad. But, if that’s what Shelly wanted, she could have it. Bye bye Shelly!

I met another woman who hung around the Porta-Potties by the beach. Her name was Esmeralda and she liked American men. She said we should go to my hotel and watch television. We were watching an episode of Andy of Mayberry, subtitled in Spanish, when I heard the roar of motorcycles outside. It was the Motorcycles of Moses! Esmeralda hid under the bed crying and praying.

I looked out the window again and there was Shelly, her big white beard blowing in the wind. She yelled “I’m coming up.” I heard her big boots clomping on the stairs. She knocked, and I opened the door. Esmeralda whimpered from under the bed, “Don’t kill me.” Shelly laughed and said “I need your help.” She pulled at her beard and smiled seductively. How can I help you?” I asked. “If we pay them 50 USD, they will let me quit the cult. I left my wallet here, so I couldn’t pay them myself.

She found her wallet in the nightstand, pulled out $50.00 and headed for the door. After a couple of minutes, the motorcycles started up and roared off. Esmeralda climbed out from under the bed. Shelly knocked on the door. “I’m free,” she exclaimed as she entered the room. She threw her beard on the floor and sat on the couch. I introduced Esmeralda and we sat on the couch too. I found another episode of “Andy or Mayberry” and we ordered a Guinea Pig pizza.

Definitions courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

The Daily Trope is available on Amazon in paperback under the title of The Book of Tropes for $9.95. It is also available in Kindle format for $5.99.

Anesis (an’-e-sis): Adding a concluding sentence that diminishes the effect of what has been said previously. The opposite of epitasis.

The most important thing in the history of the world was going to happen. Well, maybe not the most important, but pretty important. I was going to get my first tattoo. I had an appointment at “Etch-A-Flesh” tomorrow at 9:00 pm. I had one problem though: I hadn’t decided what I wanted to have “etched” on my flesh. Choosing your first tattoo is like choosing your wife. Chances are, you’ll be together for the rest of your life. I had already been married twice, so I knew the comparison was bogus, but I liked how it sounded.

I had spent the last month looking at tattoos on the internet and taking screen shots of tattoos I liked. I liked Loony Tunes cartoon characters. I liked Bugs Bunny, but Yosemite Sam was a winner. I liked his angry personality and gunplay. I stuck him up on my bedroom wall as a first pick. Then, there were the unnamed fiends. I like the one with blood dripping razor-sharp teeth. I picked one out that had red eyes too. There were tribal tattoos that I didn’t like. They reminded me of the pattern on my Mom’s bathrobe. Anyway, after a month of searching, I had found nothing that inspired me. Then, as I was searching through a pile of my old comic books, the second one in the pile was an “Inspector Gadget” comic book. It had promise. I set it aside and kept looking. I hit on something I had totally forgotten: “My Little Pony.” Twilight Sparkle was my favorite little pony. I had to have her on my skin, but I loved inspector Gadget too. I could’ve gotten two tattoos, but I had a better idea. I would get a tattoo of Inspector Gadget riding Twilight Sparkle. It would be a masterpiece. Plus, I would have the Ponys’ motto inscribed below: “Friendship is Magic.”

I got to the tattoo parlor early and showed the pictures to the tattoo artist and explained how I wanted it put together in the tattoo. She left the room and came back with a stack of legal documents for me to sign. I signed them, although I was a little worried.

I get a variety of responses when I show people my tattoo. The worst was “You should have your arm amputated.” The best so far is “Cute.” Most normally, I get “Ewww.” That’s ok with me, I’ve never been that popular or attractive. I’m used to rejection. So, I’m going to get another tattoo. It is going to be a basket of Brussels sprouts that says “Eat Me Raw” underneath it. I was pretty sure it would lure in the girls with the health food theme. It didn’t. “Disgusting” and “Get a life” were the two most frequent epithets hurled at my veggie basket. I have covered it with a strip of duct tape until I can begin the removal process.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

The Daily Trope is available on Amazon in paperback under the title of The Book of Tropes for $9.95. It is also available in Kindle format for $5.99.