Monthly Archives: May 2016

Paragoge

Paragoge (par-a-go’-ge): The addition of a letter or syllable to the end of a word. A kind of metaplasm.

Pundits are predicting that Pontius ‘The Donald’ Trump will wash his hands & remain impartial as Christ Christie is sentenced by the “Press” to crucifixion just for being asked by Ivana to serve as Vice President!

(We predict Christ Christie will bargain his sentence down to public flogging, and eventually have it dismissed. We predict Christie WILL BE Pontius Trump’s running mate. God bless New Jersey.)

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Paralipsis

Paralipsis (par-a-lip’-sis): Stating and drawing attention to something in the very act of pretending to pass it over (see also cataphasis). A kind of irony.

It would be ridiculous mentioning your obsession with i-Hop’s dessert pancakes as your only real direct engagement with anything remotely international as in the “International House of Pancakes.” I won’t mention how your negotiating skills consistently earn you a double dollop of cream cheese icing on your beloved red velvet pancakes. Why won’t I mention it? It is totally beside the point.

Now, back to reality! How do you think your experience as a negotiator will preclude a nuclear war or, on a less apocalyptic note, a renewal of the cold war?

I know I’m probably asking you to compare securing extra pancake toppings with saving Western Civilization as we know it, but hey, I’m a journalist and the American people deserve a double-dollop of claptrap as much as you deserve a double dollop of cream cheese icing.

So, Mr. Trump: pancakes or apocalypse? Which is it? The American people have a right to know.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Paramythia (pa-ra-mee’-thi-a): An expression of consolation and encouragement.

You can’t win ’em all. Look, you’re only 17 years old. Forget about politics for the next 20 years!

Look, Uncle George wasn’t anything at all his whole life until he was in his 40s, then, presto, like magic he was Governor of Texas and President of the USA. Like your uncle, you ought to dedicate your youth to cocaine, alcohol, Country Western Dancing, and screwing up oil companies. These are developmental experiences and will prepare you for a later life of public service.

Now, chin up. Have a beer. Relax.

Ha Ha!

Have another beer!

You’ll get there–take it from your Grand Daddy (do not listen to your Aunt Laura–she’s a stick in the mud & doesn’t know the difference between a bad time, lunch time, and happy hour).

Here’s to you, boy! “May your youthful indiscretions prepare you to lead the United States of America into the next Cold War.”

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Paraprosdokian

Paraprosdokian: A figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase [or series = anticlimax] is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe the first part. . . . For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists. An especially clever paraprosdokian not only changes the meaning of an early phrase, but also plays on the double meaning of a particular word.(1)

“A house divided can be sublet.” Abraham Linkedin (St. Petersburg Address: 1 Dali Blvd. 33701)

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1. “Paraprosdokian.” WikipediaThe Free Encyclopedia. 4 Jan 2008, 03:30 UTC. Wikimedia Foundation, Inc. 9 Jan 2008 <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paraprosdokian>.

Paregmenon (pa-reg’-men-on): A general term for the repetition of a word or its cognates in a short sentence. Often, but not always, polyptoton.

Today, tonight, tomorrow. Today, the election. Tonight the results.

Tomorrow, perhaps there will be sorrow, but that sorrow will be assuaged by our gratitude and our hope–our gratitude for how far we were able to come and our hope for a future filled with the echoes of our voices, and responsive to the critical insights that our continued solidarity engenders and demands.

But tonight may be the most joyous night we have seen, felt, or known in our entire lives. Let us hope–hope for the fulfillment of our dream–a dream made real by promises kept and a faith well-formed by ideals of human togetherness sweetly resonant with the fundamental tenet of virtually all orders of faith–whether secular or sacred, or something else: Love your neighbor.

So, regardless of whether we laugh or cry tonight or tomorrow, we are made whole by the power of love–by the power of love, love, love. Love today. Love tonight. Love tomorrow. The power love.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Pareuresis (par-yur-ee’-sis): To put forward a convincing excuse. [Shifting the blame.]

I tried my hardest to keep from telling the truth–I did everything I could to misrepresent Bernie’s basic platform as a paean to neo-facist-socialist-racism, only to be thwarted by David Duke’s conversion to the Church of the Later-Day Saints and fervent support of what he calls Bernie’s “nice-guy agenda.”

I tried my best to paint Donald Trump as connected to the Church of Satan as one of the Evil One’s minions, but Anton LaVay spilled the hot coals and claimed that Donald Trump makes him want to sing songs from “Annie.”  After singing “Tomorrow” continuously for 12 hours and raising $1,000,000.00 for Mr. Trump, Mr. LaVay left for Rome and a private audience with Pope Francis and Vince, the spokesperson for Shamwow.

Given the opposition’s fluidity, credibility, and willingness to go 360, there’s no way I can besmirch Bernie or Donald–even with the truth!

Accordingly, I think the time has come!

We better call Bill: the world’s greatest truth-twister, accusation generator, and umbrage taker. He can spin innuendo faster than Duke or LaVay can detect it and deal with it, and he can dance around the truth with more gusto, flash, sensuality, and clarity than Maria Pagés does with her soul-trancing tangos.

Call the massage parlor & tell him to get his slap-happy campaign butt over here!

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu). Bracketed text added by Gorgias.

Paroemia

Paroemia (pa-ri’-mi-a): One of several terms describing short, pithy sayings. Others include adage, apothegm, gnome, maxim, proverb, and sententia.

“When the going gets tough, the tough get life insurance.” Anon.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Paroemion

Paroemion (par-mi’-on): Alliteration taken to an extreme where nearly every word in a sentence begins with the same consonant. Sometimes, simply a synonym for alliteration or for homoeoprophoron [a stylistic vice].

Ted’s facial tic taps tarnished truths too terrible to try to tell to trendsetters, tattletales, Trumpers, torqueheads, ticket takers, taxi trippers, troublemakers, totalitarians, tapdancers, truckdrivers, tippers, timekeepers, trackers, trappers, techies, turncoats or his mommy, who will spank him.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Paromoiosis

Paromoiosis (par-o-moy-o’-sis): Parallelism of sound between the words of adjacent clauses whose lengths are equal or approximate to one another. The combination of isocolon and assonance.

I look out my hard frosted window.

I take my eyes to the soft darkening glow.

I watch the tinted crust of weeks-old snow.

No man. No husband. No father. No lover. No daughter. No son.

Empty. Untrodden. Pristine. Untouched. He will not come.

What is done, is done.

I am a widow gouged by my loss.

You are the “grateful nation”

who “appreciate my husband’s service”

and see his death as a warranted cost.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).