Daily Archives: May 7, 2014


Meiosis (mei-o’-sis): Reference to something with a name disproportionately lesser than its nature (a kind of litotes). This term is equivalent to tapinosis.

It was time to pan fry the catfish I caught in the river across from the “Jack and the Beanstalk” fertilizer factory!

This was no ordinary catfish and pan frying was not exactly what I was going to do. The fish was so big that I had use my front loader to scoop it up and drive it home from the river. As soon as I got it home, I built a huge bonfire, laced with petrochemicals to get it going fast. I cleaned the fish with a chainsaw. Then, I lowered the front loader’s bucket into the roaring flames. When it was red hot, I raised it out of the fire, backed up and scooped up the fish. Then, with my mouth watering I pulled forward and lowered little kitty-kitty-fish into the eight-foot flames.

The explosion blew apart my front loader. I woke up in a drainage ditch across the street from my home. All of its windows were shattered.

I was soaking wet. I was covered with wriggling mosquito larvae and blown up catfish parts.  My ears were ringing, my nose was bleeding and a charred pectoral fin the size of a canoe paddle was sticking out of the left cheek of my bashed up butt.

I felt a pang of hunger. It triggered the first thought that squeezed through my swollen brain: “Beaver Brand Tatar Sauce.” Inspired, I dragged myself across the street, over the curb, over the broken glass, into the smoking double-wide, toward what was left of my kitchen. “Beaver, beaver, beaver” I moaned.

The next thing I knew, the angel with the black and yellow stun gun . . .

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).