Paregmenon (pa-reg’-men-on): A general term for the repetition of a word or its cognates in a short sentence. Often, but not always, polyptoton.
I was crazy, crazy or a fox, or was I crazy as a loon? Sometimes I would dress up like a used car salesman and talk used car salesman lingo. I’d say things like Leather seats,” or “Low mileage, or “No rust,” or “it’s your color baby!” I had a lot more sayings, but I found out the woman went crazy when they heard them, and we’d often end up in the back seat making a red hot bargain. Coupled with my windowpane plaid sports coat, Swisher Sweet cigar, and white shoes and belt, I was like a mountain of cocaine waiting to be snorted. Sometimes I’d take a carload of babes to Ratchet Lake for a skinny dipping session. I would tell them I could only “do” one of them and they would fight for me, throwing mud at each other and swearing until somebody won. Then I would tell them I was just kidding and we’d go wild together until I was exhausted and had to be carried to the car on their shoulders.
But my favorite was my gold cap I put on my tooth. Along with my eyepatch, I looked like a sophisticated pirate. The babes loved my outfit. I had a 10-foot rowboat down at Ratchet Lake. I’d meet a babe at the mall, check into Wendy’s for a Coke, and talk about my boat down at the lake. Inevitably, the babe would want to go for a boat ride in Cap’n Crispy—my boat. They loved it.
We would row out to Jumbo Island where I had built a “Love lean-to“ with a mattress, a candle, and bug spray. It was rustic and classic. It was secluded and there was never any danger of being discovered. The married women found this very appealing and I would mention it when we met at the mall.
Sadly, Cap’n Crispy came to end. He capsized when I had three babes aboard on our way out to the island. One of them was a little over weight and tipsy and thought it was funny to rock the boat. When the boat flipped over, she went down like a rock. She drowned. She was the Mayor’s wife, so I had hell to pay. I was banned for one year from the library and all the town parks—no more Ratchet Lake.
Now I’m working on a new “thing.” I’m the Laundryman at the gym—the women’s side. I wear a spa towel with no underwear. I jump in the big laundry hamper and sing love songs. The babes are attracted. When I hear them moaning outside the hamper, I stand up and lift up my spa towel. They jump into the hamper and I close the lid for privacy.
My seduction moves have been unconventional. I’m writing a book: You Can Always Get What You Want.
Definitions courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).
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