Antisagoge (an-tis-a-go’-gee): 1. Making a concession before making one’s point (=paromologia); 2. Using a hypothetical situation or a precept to illustrate antithetical alternative consequences, typically promises of reward and punishment.
“You’re lost in New Jersey, panic stricken and almost out of gas: You keep turning right because you think you’ll eventually come to Pennsylvania and be saved, or you could plug in your GPS and actually be saved. The choice is yours to make: ride around in circles or actually find your way to Redding, where you live with your wife and two children and your pet rabbits Bugs and Mugs.”
I thought for a few minutes. This choice-making seminar was grueling, mentally demanding, and almost impossible to deal with. We were constantly bombarded with hypothetical situations by the seminar leader Mr. Jules Aloney. His nickname was “Either Or” and he had a fork in the road tattooed on his chest that said “Take It” underneath it. We met on the beach, so he could go shirtless. We wore bathing suits and cheap sunglasses to hide our shame.
The seminar members came from all walks of life. There wasn’t a soldier or sailor, but here was a a tailor who had trouble deciding where to put the next stitch. It took him a year to make a pair of pants. Another member had trouble deciding whether to stop or go. She had a number of near fatal accidents at traffic intersections. Then, there’s the guy who has trouble deciding whether to unzip or pull down his pants when he pees. The procrastination often lead to pants-wetting. There’s more, but making bad decisions is a common thread.
I work for an insurance company. The last three people I insured had their houses burn down before making a premium payment. The company lost close to $2,000,000. My boss thought I wasn’t doing a good job of vetting them with good questions before I decided to make them a policy-holder. But I thought that the kinds of questions I asked were right on target, like “Are you planning on burning your house down?” To save time, that was the only question I asked. I found out that people lied. It’s not my fault that people lie. Anyway, the boss said that the choice-making seminar would make me better at vetting clients by asking them decision-making questions designed to ascertain their level of risk as clients. But he had an ulterior motive.
My boss wanted to fire me. He had sent me to the seminar because he didn’t want to fire me without a solid reason. He was sure the seminar wouldn’t help me, so he could cite it as a good faith effort he made to “turn me around” before letting me go.
So, Mr. Aloney’s New Jersey question was intended as a step in the direction of my “rehabilitation” and developing the hypothetical situation-making skill. Putting people in hypothetical situations gives you a glimpse of their decision-making skills. For example: “If you just got fired from an insurance company, what would you do?” Ha ha, I know what I would do.
But, getting back to the lost in New Jersey scenario, I said I would keep turning right. I don’t care if I ever see my family and pet rabbits ever again. My wife is having an affair with the school crossing guard, my two daughters treat me like an ATM, and the rabbits crap on the floor and chew on the baseboards. I told Mr. Aloney that I would throw my GPS out the car window and drive around in circles until I found a new life.
I was ejected from the seminar. But I was lucky. My boss was going through the same “shit” as me and could empathize with my preference for driving in circles. He promoted me to “Office Monitor.” I make sure that most everybody who’s in the office is facing their computer. My vetting days are over. It was the right decision,
Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).
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