Polyptoton (po-lyp-to’-ton): Repeating a word, but in a different form. Using a cognate of a given word in close proximity.

Statistically speaking, statistics are, for the most part, just simple math. Take percentages for example: what percentage of math teachers hit their students over the head with a ream of printer paper? What percentage of math teachers wear adult diapers and poop during their lectures? What percentage of math teachers go to motels with their secretaries? Although statistics may seem simpler than tying your shoes, they are not so simple. They’re more like wrestling with a struggling coed in a hot tub after a few drinks and some weed. Well, enough of that.

Let’s move on to means. They would be averages that the average person can calculate with a calculator and a collection of things to count, like the average number of rope burns on a kidnapping victim’s wrists and ankles. Or, you could calculate the average number of screams per minute when a person is being treated roughly. These are all important averages. They will help you understand life’s darker side. On the lighter side, you have the average the number of Diet Cokes our leader drinks in an hour. Or, you could calculate the average number of people who go insane after finishing their income tax returns.

Well, that’s it for today. If you’re a female student and have been aroused by my lecture, please make an appointment to meet me this afternoon around 4:30 in the driveway of the abandoned frat house. Odds are, at least two of you will want to meet me there.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

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