Daily Archives: March 13, 2020


Heterogenium (he’-ter-o-gen-i-um): Avoiding an issue by changing the subject to something different. Sometimes considered a vice.

News Reporter: Most people believe you took your sweet time getting emergency measures up and running to deal with the Corona virus. Nobody that I’ve talked to has seen it any other way–even your staunch allies on Fox News. They say it was like you were standing in cement waiting for it to dry. What happened?

Donald: Well, being President is like playing golf–you want to make the fewest swings possible on your way to the final hole. I am an avid golfer, as you know, and I am committed to taking as few swings as possible. So, if I can just do one thing to go from point A to point B, I am doing what I think I should be doing: hitting a hole in one.

I’ve only hit one hole-in-one in my life. It was beautiful. My first child was conceived that night. I wanted to call him “Player” Tump after Gary Player, but my wife wouldn’t hear of it. We named him Eric after some soap opera star she adored at the time, and incidentally, who she had an affair with. It broke my heart, but provided me with a whole new supply of insults coauthored on gin laced weekend with Howard Stern–brilliant man. He’ll be wearing a Medal of Freedom soon!

News Reporter: Ok, I understand. I don’t know what to say. You make about as much sense as a drunken duck.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

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