Monthly Archives: February 2020

Kategoria

Kategoria (ka-te-go’-ri-a): Opening the secret wickedness of one’s adversary before his [or her] face.

I know what you do secretly in your spare time and it’s ugly. If you ever got caught, and it became known what you do, that would be the end for you. The magnifying glass and the ant: Have you no decency? Do you like to hear them crackle? Do you enjoy the smell of their smoking torsos?

How did I find out about your disgusting vice? I saw you in the parking lot alongside Coach Steel’s SUV. I crept along the side of the SUV and peeked around to see you kneeling and making a sort of croaking laughing sound, with a magnifying glass focused on the pavement and a little pile of upturned ants, charred and contorted, alongside your knee.

With your predilection for ant torture, how did you ever become the school nurse? Oh, that’s right. Your father’s the Superintendent of Schools. Well, I’m afraid I’m going to have to tell your father about your perverted hobby, or do you want to go out on a date with me?

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu). Bracketed text added by Gorgias.

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Litotes

Litotes (li-to’-tees): Deliberate understatement, especially when expressing a thought by denying its opposite. The Ad Herennium author suggests litotes as a means of expressing modesty (downplaying one’s accomplishments) in order to gain the audience’s favor (establishing ethos).

Oh no, this isn’t best gift I ever got, it’s the greatest gift I ever got! A combination rain poncho and solar panel is what we all should have. Keep dry! Save the planet! I won’t be the envy of all our friends, or anything like that. Nah. Never happen. Ha ha!

I don’t know what I did to deserve this. Never missing a day of work in 25 years is nothing compared to this. Thank-you so much.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Martyria

Martyria (mar-tir’-i-a): Confirming something by referring to one’s own experience.

I have had a beard ever since I had pubic hair. Well, maybe a few years after I started to sprout. Many women have loved my beard. My daughter loved pulling on my beard when she was a toddler. I always got compliments. I was beard proud!

One of the best things about having a beard is no more shaving every morning. You wake up. You look in the mirror. There’s that beautiful clump of hair looking back at you. No whiskers. No problems! You’re ready to go after giving your hair a comb (of course, you might want to shower too).

Grow a beard. You’ll never regret it. If you do regret it, just shave it off!

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Maxim

Maxim (max’-im): One of several terms describing short, pithy sayings. Others include adageapothegmgnomeparoemiaproverb, and sententia.

Sometimes its better to be sorry than safe. Come on, loosen up: you only have one life to live. Try a little danger! Jaywalk. Speed. Pee behind a tree. Sleep naked!

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Medela

Medela (me-de’-la): When you can’t deny or defend friends’ faults and seek to heal them with good words.

I know it’s not entirely your fault. You can’t help your excessive farting. Maybe if you became a vegetarian they wouldn’t smell so horrific? I read somewhere that there’s a pill you can take that makes your farts smell like lavender. I’m going to Google it & we’ll see if we can use it to overcome your case of Satan’s Wind. In the meantime, please don’t stand near me. Nothing personal.

  • Post you own medela on the “Comments” page!

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Meiosis

Meiosis (mei-o’-sis): Reference to something with a name disproportionately lesser than its nature (a kind of litotes). This term is equivalent to tapinosis.

What happened to the United States of America–that little blip on humanity’s radar screen? Was it actually swallowed whole by a grotesque, fat, blond man who was happy to see it disappear so he could replace it with the The Disjointed States of Confusion that we’re living in now?

Well, I for one miss the good old USA. I hope enough other people do too, so on Election Day we can get our country back from fatso.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Mempsis

Mempsis (memp’-sis): Expressing complaint and seeking help.

I can’t find my bicycle pump. I can never find it when you’re around. Come on, help me find it. I’m sure you put it somewhere around here where we can find it. Come on!

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Merismus

Merismus (mer-is’-mus): The dividing of a whole into its parts.

The Republican Party is divided into liars, misogynists, bootlicks, and “Christians.”  These four parts, taken together, are tokens of disrepair. So long as they remain in power, the Republicans pose a danger to our republic: to the foundations of its moral outlook, and the regime of truth providing it guidance.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

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Mesarchia

Mesarchia (mes-ar’-chi-a): The repetition of the same word or words at the beginning and middle of successive sentences.

I thought I was going crazy looking at little men sitting on my foot. I thought I was going really nuts with the little men pointing at me and laughing. I thought I was going loony tunes for sure hanging out with little men playing acoustic guitars. Then I realized I had just spent two hours watching Fox News.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Mesodiplosis

Mesodiplosis (mes-o-dip-lo’-sis): Repetition of the same word or words in the middle of successive sentences.

I can’t believe how weird things are getting. I used to say how weird things were. Now, I’m up to my neck in weird things and they are freaking me out. I think Washington, DC is where the weird things are coming from. Every day our President proffers some kind of strange idea or posits some kind of creepy conspiracy theory–like Nancy Pelosi is a Chinese spy working with Hilary Clinton to sterilize every man on the planet, with the exception of a handful of Übermensch to enable the continuation of the species. Guess who is one of the Übermensch? Yup: Donald J. Trump. This is how he knows about the conspiracy: he has gotten several messages from Pelosi on his phone offering him the position of Chief Inseminator, which he claims to have refused because he can make more money, and get as much action, being President of the United States.

Weird enough?

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Mesozeugma

Mesozeugma (me’-so-zyoog’-ma): A zeugma in which one places a common verb for many subjects in the middle of a construction.

I was trying to find an appropriate way to tell him, inform him, let him know he was going to be confined to the basement of the White House until the People’s Tribunal figured out what to do with him. Most members argued that life in prison was too good for him. Most of what was recommended was too gruesome to share with the general public. One idea that was starting to get some traction was a life-sentence to highly supervised community service. This would entail wiping and washing elderly peoples’ butts, emptying bedpans, giving baths to homeless people, and, among others, being a practice dummy for prostate exams. One risk here, though, is that he may try to make himself look like a decent human being for helping people, even if mandated.

Oh well. We’ve got some more thinking to do.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Metabasis

Metabasis (me-ta’-ba-sis): A transitional statement in which one explains what has been and what will be said.

Now that we’ve covered the heap of evildoing perpetrated by the blond fat man, we have to determine whether, in the aggregate, it adds up to one big capital offense.

(Bailiff, please tell the blond fat man to shut up and stop crying like a baby with diaper rash and a sunburned ass.)

Now, if it is determined that the blond fat man is guilty, he will be sentenced to death and we will have the pleasurable honor of determining how he will go.

(Bailiff, please tell the blond fat man to shut up and stop crying like a toddler who pooped his pants and can’t find his mommy.)

By and large there seems to be a consensus of opinion regarding the blond fat man’s demise: the parents of the deceased Mexican children who died in cages want to beat him to death, skin him, and make him into a piñata filled with blank US Government checks endorsed by the Secretary of the Treasury.

(Baliff, the blond fat man has peed himself. Take him back to his cage. Feel free to hit him in the stomach a couple of times to calm him down.)

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Metalepsis

Metalepsis (me-ta-lep’-sis): Reference to something by means of another thing that is remotely related to it, either through a farfetched causal relationship, or through an implied intermediate substitution of terms. Often used for comic effect through its preposterous exaggeration. A metonymical substitution of one word for another which is itself figurative.

You are a meat head.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Metallage

Metallage (me-tal’-la-gee): When a word or phrase is treated as an object within another expression.

I am standing here looking into the wind and wondering “How did I get here? Will I ever actually know what ‘here’ is? I know where here is–right now, it’s a drainage ditch on the roadside of life: I’m up to my knees in anxiety.

But I will never know what here is–it keeps moving there. I know there’s a definition in the dictionary: I’ve read it and it does not provide an answer that is adequate: “at this place.” What is “at”? What is “this”? What is “place”?  However, when the Animals sang “We’ve Got to Get Out of This Place,” I think it was quite clear that “place” was a far-reaching metaphor for social and economic circumstances. So, was there a “here” there?

I think knowing where “here” is (it’s there), is good enough. “Here” isn’t necessary to find your way around, unless you don’t want to start from “somewhere.” So, let’s pause here and have another piece of my birthday cake–it’s right over there under the cat.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Metaphor

Metaphor (met’-a-phor): A comparison made by referring to one thing as another.

The Trump administration is a carnival ride. It is a version of bumper cars purposely crashing into each other: The Secretary of State banging into the Attorney General, who at the same time is going after the Chief of Staff, etc., etc. I wish somebody would pull the plug. Maybe they’d find a better way to relate to each other and the rest of the world too.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

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Metaplasm

Metaplasm (met’-a-plazm): A general term for orthographical figures (changes to the spelling of words). This includes alteration of the letters or syllables in single words, including additions, omissions, inversions, and substitutions. Such changes are considered conscious choices made by the artist or orator for the sake of eloquence or meter, in contrast to the same kinds of changes done accidentally and discussed by grammarians as vices (see barbarism). See: antistheconaphaeresisapocopeepenthesisparagoge, synaloepha.

“Acquitted” Trump Style: You’re totally guilty without a doubt, but your mollusk loser friends support you with their slimy applause as you commit stenchacide, celebrating one of the greatest con jobs in the history of America. You are truly out of control: like a toddler in his pedal car headed downhill toward a giant oak tree.

Post your own metaplasm on the “Comments” page!

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Buy a print edition of The Daily Trope! The print edition is entitled The Book of Tropes and is available on Amazon for $9.99. A Kindle edition is available for $5.99.

Metastasis

Metastasis (me-tas’-ta-sis): Denying and turning back on your adversaries arguments used against you.

I’ve never done anything wrong, until you say I did something wrong? Well you’re wrong: I never made false accusations, but you have. It’s like they say, “I’m rubber. You’re glue. Everything you say bounces off me and sticks to you.”

Falsely claiming I made false accusations is deeply ironic. Now I have to accuse you of making false accusations about false accusations. You have no evidence. You have no defense. You are a disgrace. I have evidence–real evidence.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Buy a print edition of The Daily Trope! The print edition is entitled The Book of Tropes and is available on Amazon for $9.99. A Kindle edition is available for $5.99.

Metonymy

Metonymy (me-ton’-y-my): Reference to something or someone by naming one of its attributes. [This may include effects or any of the four Aristotelian causes {efficient/maker/inventor, material, formal/shape, final/purpose}.]

After the verdict, the Republican Senators were invited to the White House to kiss Donfather’s little warm hand, also known as P-Grabber among his adoring fans.

Definition courtesy of “Sliva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu). Bracketed text added by Gorgias.

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Ominatio

Ominatio (o-mi-na’-ti-o): A prophecy of evil.

Hear me Donald, for I am We The People!

Your future is as dim as a flashlight with an overwrought battery, eking out its last yellowed rays on the floor of a cheap motel room. Your future will include embarrassment and disgrace and marital failure (again). Your elevator shoes will cause you to stumble on world-broadcast TV and a roar of global laughter will ensue as you stand up with a small poop stain on the back of your pants.

Donald: you are doomed. Soon you will be residing in a homeless camp in California. You will be beaten and bullied every day. Sean Hannity will ridicule you on FOX News. Mitch McConnell will be your only friend. He will be your next door neighbor, but he won’t share his canned sardines with you.

Donald: Prepare for the inevitable. Prepare to become the world’s foremost pariah.

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Buy a print edition of The Daily Trope! The print edition is entitled The Book of Tropes and is available on Amazon for $9.99. A Kindle edition is available for $5.95.