Metabasis (me-ta’-ba-sis): A transitional statement in which one explains what has been and what will be said.

Now that we’ve covered the heap of evildoing perpetrated by the blond fat man, we have to determine whether, in the aggregate, it adds up to one big capital offense.

(Bailiff, please tell the blond fat man to shut up and stop crying like a baby with diaper rash and a sunburned ass.)

Now, if it is determined that the blond fat man is guilty, he will be sentenced to death and we will have the pleasurable honor of determining how he will go.

(Bailiff, please tell the blond fat man to shut up and stop crying like a toddler who pooped his pants and can’t find his mommy.)

By and large there seems to be a consensus of opinion regarding the blond fat man’s demise: the parents of the deceased Mexican children who died in cages want to beat him to death, skin him, and make him into a piñata filled with blank US Government checks endorsed by the Secretary of the Treasury.

(Baliff, the blond fat man has peed himself. Take him back to his cage. Feel free to hit him in the stomach a couple of times to calm him down.)

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (

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