Monthly Archives: March 2016

Polysyndeton

Polysyndeton (pol-y-syn’-de-ton): Employing many conjunctions between clauses, often slowing the tempo or rhythm. (Asyndeton is the opposite of polysyndeton: an absence of conjunctions.)

Look, you took my words and you distorted them, and you broadcast them all over the world, and you wouldn’t shut up, and you poisoned so many minds, and you call it journalism. 

I call it unfair, unconscionable, unprofessional, and downright disgusting. 

You reporters should receive some sort of punishment for asking me questions when you know I haven’t been told the ‘best’ answer beforehand.  I don’t know how to deal with this complicated abortion crap, and you know it! Like I said, it’s unfair and disgusting.

Chris Matthews, you should be ashamed.

I just bought MSNBC and you’re fired!

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Procatalepsis

Procatalepsis (pro-cat-a-lep’-sis): Refuting anticipated objections.

Go ahead! Call me Donald Wall-nut!

I can build it. I will build the wall.

Too expensive? Nothing is too expensive. You get what you pay for!

Won’t work? Check out China and tell me their wall didn’t work!

Mexico won’t pay for it? Did you ever hear of the United States Army? The best damn bill collectors in the world!

Go ahead, call me Donald Wall-nut! It’s better than being called Hilary No-nuts, or Bernie Acorns, or Crushed Nuts Cruz!

Wal-Mart. Walnuts. Walgreens.  Who the hell cares?

Enough with the walls and the nuts!

I will make America great again! If you don’t believe me, check out Atlantic City, or my first wife, or these free hats!

I’m number one with the Poles! Krakow’s in the bag! On to Oshkosh!

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Prodiorthosis

Prodiorthosis (pro-di-or-tho’-sis): A statement intended to prepare one’s audience for something shocking or offensive. An extreme example of protherapeia.

I will begin what I have to say innocently enough, but I warn you, my words may drill holes in the bottom of your heart, provoke anger, and disgust you.

There is the “same” thing. There is the “different” thing. Same and different.  Different and same. Different times. Different places. Same intentions. Same effects.

Brussels. Paris. Haifa. Istanbul. Kabul. Iskandariya. And 100’s of other obscure and not-so-obscure places.

2014-2015: 17,041 wounded; 9,314 dead.

March 27, 2016. Easter Sunday. Lahore, Pakistan. 320 wounded; 72  dead–mostly woman and children.

Suicide bombers.

Different times. Different places. Same intentions. Same effects.

Nobody doubts that Lahore happened. Nobody doubts the intention and the effects.

But, there is a difference between not doubting that Lahore happened, and believing that Lahore happened, and I warn you, understanding the difference between “not doubting” and believing is where terror begins.

The truth produced by believing will not set you free.

It will terrify you.

It will drape dread in the background of your everyday life, like some sort of Satanic bunting celebrating your unexpected death: your slow bleed on the pavement, your eye torn from your innocent face, your ears ringing–the carillon of concussion colluding with shrapnel and your gaping socket, leaking out what’s left of your stupefied fate.

Why aren’t you terrified? Why aren’t you afraid?

Is it because you are strong and impervious and courageous and young and playing the odds and all the other reasons that keep you away from CNN and call to you seductively to go out, to act like everything’s NIMBY (and get mutilated with your buddies on a Saturday night)?

Well, there are Sirens and there are sirens. The Befores of not doubting, and the afters of believing.

Will you live the know the difference?

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Proecthesis

Proecthesis (pro-ek’-the-sis): When, in conclusion, a justifying reason is provided.

Do not call it a “terrorist attack.” Do not call them “terrorists.” “Terrorist” is too good a word for them. Call it a “shit stainer attack.” Call them “shit stainers.” For their actions make shit stains on the totality of Islam.

Their calls to prayer spew shit from minarets and stain the pathways to worship with unholy filth.

Their professions of faith spew shit on the Quran and stain God’s revelations with unholy filth.

Call them “shit stainers.”

Make your jihad the removal of the shit stainers from the face of the earth.

Unite.

Restore the good name of Islam.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Prolepsis

Prolepsis (pro-lep’-sis):  (1) A synonym for procatalepsis [refuting anticipated objections];  (2) speaking of something future as though already done or existing. A figure of anticipation.

1. Hilary Clinton reminds me of a bored queen bee lounging in her jive hive supported by sycophantic worker bees and serviced by groveling drones.

Donald Trump belches brimstone like some kind of satanic steam-shovel digging itself deeper and deeper into its own little hellish trench.

But you disagree?

Hey, I see it in H-woman’s baggy eyes, and in the Mussolini grimace on Don T-boy’s puffy face.

But I know what you see–the eyes of the brave; the face of the free!

Ha ha!

What you see is what you want to see, but it’s not what you’re going to get! What you’re going to get, either way you turn, is a USA bouncing up and down on a fart-anchored circus trampoline (Hilary), or a head-on fatal crash with truth that finishes off once and for all the American Dream; making America great again with bigotry, imperialism, xenophobia, and free ice cream (Donald).

And then, there’s Bernie, John, Ted, and Marco!

We’ve bottomed out, flat-lined, bought the big one, sold the farm, cashed our chips, and headed for the last roundup.

Blue velvet on Frank Buck’s face. Red sails smoldering in the sunset. Bye bye American pi-outline-th. We’re batting .000.

2. See you in hell, Hilary-belle and Don-don.

See you in hell when the lights come on.

Who’s red? Who’s blue? Not me. Not you. We’re all boiling in a purple Hieronymus stew–bubbling flesh, bones, blood, and snot: a 21st-century melting pot.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu). Bracketed text added by Gorgias.

Protherapeia

Protherapeia (pro-ther-a-pei’-a): Preparing one’s audience for what one is about to say through conciliating words. If what is to come will be shocking, the figure is called prodiorthosis.

The world is fraught with change: from the beautiful blooms of breaking spring to the malevolent triumph of death over life, fear over hope, sorrow over joy, and eventually, perhaps, the triumph of indifference over everything.

Yet, the world is rich; and there are costs to pay–to pay for things that can be measured and weighed and priced according to supply and demand and intangible narratives of value–the words that sing them with poetries of luxury or mark them with hard-pressed deep-worn tracks of necessity.

Farther still, there must be wages earned to capture pleasures and to navigate ad hoc the uncharted urgencies of omnipresent necessity.

So, I must tell you.  I must warn you. Hear this and listen:

All that is valued and valuable, that exists and ceases to exist for better and for worse, cannot assuage your soul’s sickness: for yours is a soul immortally wounded; eternally falling for the promise of healing hailing it softly from nowhere as if it was Volition itself and not the sound of a storm drain endlessly flooding with the unbroken rush of the Saints’ wasted tears.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Protrope

Protrope (pro-tro’-pe): A call to action, often by using threats or promises.

Brooks, rivers, streams of life. Some are dark. Some are light. Some are fast. Some are slow. Some make lakes in craters and carve out glens. Some deliver canyons and valleys and fens.

Without flowing water there may be no time, as thirst breaks our hearts, shrinks up our bellies, and tears up our  minds.

I swear if we don’t love and preserve the waters moving down, and over, and across the land, green will disappear under a death shroud of brown, and everything will die, and there won’t be a sound.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu).

Proverb

Proverb: One of several terms describing short, pithy sayings. Others include adageapothegmgnomemaximparoemia, and sententia.

“In the valley of one-armed men, nobody applauds.” Fredrick Knitpurl (Thus Spake Lefty Clapper)

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Prozeugma

Prozeugma (pro-zoog’-ma): A series of clauses in which the verb employed in the first is elided (and thus implied) in the others.

I went to the celebration. The lost souls convention. The GPS-less disembodied spirit ball. Partners wafting through each other. No direction. No bitterness. No regrets. The place of can’t remember. The place of can’t forget.

Silent night. Silent applause. Magic dragons. Little wooden toys. Everything and nothing. Nothing without end. Endless friendless fog. Spirits without shame. No hope. No fear. No name.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)