Monthly Archives: December 2014

Dendographia

Dendographia (den-dro-graf’-ia): Creating an illusion of reality through vivid description of a tree.

Tree. Tree. Tree. Three balsam pine trees. Three balsam pine trees planted by you, you, and me. We three, like the trees, stand together against the wind, join as silhouettes in front of the sunset sky, grow, love the earth, and smell pretty good too.

But the trees–the three balsam pine trees–will most likely outlive you, you, and me. That’s the difference right now between us and trees. And we know the myriad differences between we three and the three trees, but for now, let’s live in the simile–trees like us, we like trees.

This quality of liking heads us through these holy days and holy nights knowing that being in the spirit of seeing and feeling and tasting and finding and embracing and celebrating what’s alike opens in the aggregate everywhere, AT THIS PARTICULAR TIME, to the angelic powers of Eros and Peitho that open our eyes and ears and hearts and arms to the goddess Themis who counsels us, and fills us with a hot desire to attune our souls to the sweetest chord.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Diacope

Diacope (di-a’-co-pee): Repetition of a word with one or more between, usually to express deep feeling.

Me crazy?

You think I’m crazy? You save your toenail clippings in Ziploc bags and hang them on a hook in your closet!

Me crazy?

What about the time you smeared mustard on the bathroom wall as an air freshener?

Me crazy?

You’re the one who’s crazy!

What do you think of that, nut case? Why don’t you put mustard on your toenails?

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Dialogismus

Dialogismus (di-a-lo-giz’-mus): Speaking as someone else, either to bring in others’ points of view into one’s own speech, or to conduct a pseudo-dialog through taking up an opposing position with oneself.

In 1967 Tammy Wynette sang,

“Last night all alone in a barroom met a man with a drink in his hand.
He had baby blue eyes, coal black hair, and a smile that a girl understands.
Then he came and sat down at my table and as he placed his hand over mine,
I found myself wanting to kiss him for temptation was flowing like wine . . . “

Tammy, what were you thinking? If you hadn’t seen the reflection of your wedding band in that guy’s eyes when you were dancing, you may have had the time of your life! Instead, you went home.

That’s why unfaithful spouses should own, exchange, and wear EZ-OFF Wedding Bands.

When “maybe” is the first word that occurs to you when you’re asked to say “I do,” the EZ-OFF Wedding Band is just what you need! Designed in 14 “gold” and cleverly disguised as a legitimate wedding band, the EZ-OFF looks, feels, and wears like the “real” thing! And it’s high tech too!

To remove the EZ-OFF, simply put your wedding band hand in your pocket, tap the code into your ring with your thumb, and that symbol of eternal love expands and silently glides off your finger on its retractable patented micro-wheels!

No more awkward pulling and tugging on the ring under the table! No more “I have to go to the restroom for a minute” to soap-up and twist off!  Never again will you have to explain that you wear a wedding band in memory of your dead spouse!

Tammy, it’s 2014! Don’t let those old-fashioned wedding bands keep your granddaughters and grandsons from steppin’ out!

Imagine, Tammy, if you had an EZ-OFF back in ’67! Mmmmm hmmmm!

Well, YOU–yes, you, you lusty viewer can have an EZ-OFF now! That’s right! Right now!

But you ask: How much is the EZ-OFF?

Well get ready because it’s not $1,000,000,000.00! It’s not even $500,000.00. Right now today or tonight or tomorrow, you can have your very own solid 14 “gold” EZ-OFF Wedding Band for the low low price of 50 payments of  $9.99!!

But wait, that’s not all! If you are one the first 14,000 soulless wretches to call within the next 20 minutes, we’ll throw in an additional EZ-OFF free of charge! Give it as a gift to one of your cheating lying friends! Sell it on E-Bay! Hang it from your rear view mirror! Yup–it’s yours to do with as you will, totally free of charge!

Now!

Call: 1-800-TO-CHEAT! Robo-prompters are standing by to tell you which buttons to press on your phone!

Don’t wait! You deserve it! Call: 1-800-TO-CHEAT without delay.

Don’t miss the next opportunity to “grab some fun!”

Don’t be a boo hoo 1967 Tammy!

Call: 1-800-TO-CHEAT!

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Dianoea

Dianoea (di-a-noe’-a): The use of animated questions and answers in developing an argument (sometimes simply the equivalent of anthypophora).

Where was I last night? Where do you think I was? In the garage? In the recycling bin? In your closet listening to you and my best friend Ed making the bed squeak? What do you take me for? A fool? An idiot? A patsy? An overgrown carrot?  A piece of carry-on luggage? A horse’s ass?

I’m a what?  A lost Fedex driver with guitar strings in his pants and an unaddressed package wrapped in panty hose bouncing around under his seat? Yes! Yes! Yes! That’s me!

Do you want to know what’s in that package? Do you care whether it’s Ed’s head, or a bundt cake, or a tambourine? You have one guess and you better be right! What? Emptiness? The emptiness of our lives together? Bah!

WRONG!

SURPRISE! It’s a tambourine, and yes! Yes indeed! That is Ed’s face stretched across the frame! Want a piece of bundt cake? Come on!  Let’s sing!  “Hey Mr. Tambourine Man play a song for me. . . . “

Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Diaphora

Diaphora (di-a’-pho-ra): Repetition of a common name so as to perform two logical functions: to designate an individual and to signify the qualities connoted by that individual’s name or title.

The police are not the police when they attack and injure unarmed citizens they’re supposed protect and defend.

Just think, if all  “enforcement officials” were permitted to shoot unarmed people who “threatened” them with rage-filled snarly looks!  NFL referees could pack Glocks with their penalty flags, and civility would reign for “the whole nine yards.” It would be like NYC where civility reigns for the “whole nine blocks” from Central Park South to 48th Street.

Right?

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)

Diaporesis

Diaporesis: Deliberating with oneself as though in doubt over some matter; asking oneself (or rhetorically asking one’s hearers) what is the best or appropriate way to approach something [=aporia].

What should we do? Do about what? What we should do. And that is? Addressing myself as ‘we’ when I am talking to me. To me? Yes, to you! Wait!  On the one hand you talk to yourself, on the other, you listen to yourself talking to myself. I think your self and my self are the self-same self!

Now, what should we do? A duet? A duel?

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu). Bracketed text added by Gorgias.

Diaskeue

Diaskeue (di-as-keu’-ee): Graphic peristasis (description of circumstances) intended to arouse the emotions.

Stabbed, the schoolteacher’s heart spit up its warm sustenance . Dry clotted footprints run across the cold tiled floor.

This is Abu Dhabi,  and this is anywhere where defenseless humans are slaughtered in public by lunatic zealots; by blades, bullets, bombs and stones.

We mourn the death of Ms. Ryan. We also mourn hatred’s conquering of public space even as we mourn the death of its spirit of charity and grace.

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Definition courtesy of “Silva Rhetoricae” (rhetoric.byu.edu)